Ex-couples who were made to cohabitate after splitting up

Chantal Tucker started looking for a new home to live as soon as she split up with her long-term partner. Tucker, 37, and her five-year-long lover shared a London apartment, and Tucker hoped her ex would buy her out. She even went as far as to put down a deposit on a room in a shared home. However, the plan was abandoned when the epidemic struck.

We both decided that the best course of action was for me to remain put until the circumstances surrounding Covid were clarified, she says.

She remained in their jointly owned apartment for a few months, allowing the couple to live separately while Tucker's ex elected to stay with his parents during the lockdown to help with his mother's medical issues. But six months later, with the lockdowns lifted, they came to an unusual conclusion about how to proceed.

The idea of living in London as a renter indefinitely became increasingly disagreeable to her because she realized she would never be able to afford to buy a home again. During this period, my ex and I had several conversations, and eventually he made the decision to return to our apartment.

Tucker has continued to live with her ex-partner ever since. They have separate bedrooms where they sleep, and they just added a few cats to round out the arrangement. Even if their choice is unusual, they are not the only ones. According to a recent poll by the British real estate firm Zoopla, which BBC Worklife obtained, one-third of the 500 respondents who bought a home with a partner and later got divorced still live together. Even now, one in eight people share a bed. A surprising 91% of cohabiting ex-spouses said that they have not been able to remain diplomatic, and 22% of them described the situation as "excruciating." For some, like Tucker, the experience is amicable.

Many couples are getting stuck in housing circumstances they can't afford to get out of as a result of the UK's rising cost of living, high borrowing rates, and stalling housing market. With separating homeowners already cohabitating for an average of 1.3 years after their breakup and spending several thousand pounds on average to leave their mortgage or lease, experts say they only expect the problem to get worse.

a decision with a financial motivation

Tucker made the decision to continue living with her ex primarily for financial reasons. She notes that her income is significantly lower than that of her ex-partner and claims that she was worried that renting would be prohibitively expensive in comparison to the mortgage payments she presently splits.

Mark Pattanshetti, an associate director at London-based mortgage broker largemortgageloans.com, claims he has observed a rise in clients' concerns around the financial effects of separation. Due to the higher cost of living apart and the future uncertainty of their employment and incomes due to an imminent recession, he notes that a growing number of couples are choosing to cohabitate despite their differences.

These couples believe it will be more advantageous to keep their current residences and pay off their mortgage.

According to Zoopla's research, 47% of persons who are still co-signing for a mortgage with an ex cite the expense of moving out as the primary justification for continuing to do so. In addition to the costs involved in buying and selling a home or ending a rental agreement, living alone can be expensive. According to data, solitary persons are financially more burdened and spend more annually on necessities than their coupled-up peers (in the US, this is particularly exacerbated by health-care costs). And over the past ten years, a considerable increase in people opting to house-shares as a result of the high cost of renting individually has been observed.

Before the pandemic, some people might have been able to afford to move out on their own, but because of the cost-of-living crisis that followed and the subsequent decline in real wages — this year seeing the largest decline since records began — people who once might have been able to afford to live alone are now forced to live with ex-partners. Particularly, quick increases in interest rates have led to some consumers deciding to wait through the current crisis rather than face higher mortgage payments. "Covid isn't having as much of an impact on our lives now, but there are still a lot of crazy political and economic elements," adds Tucker.

The overall cost

According to Pattanshetti, when the economy gets worse, more couples are choosing to live together rather than accept a reduced level of life, which might result in additional tensions and stresses. Many of the people he talks to, according to him, are worried about the impact living with an ex-partner may have on their wellbeing.

The biggest worry, according to him, is how joint incomes will be divided between partners if they decide to live separate lives in the same home, particularly if one partner earns more than the other and is in charge of most household expenses and mortgage payments.

“There’s also the emotional strain on one or both parties, particularly if one partner is effectively forced into this arrangement because they are unable to move out of the family home.”

Despite our best efforts, it has been a rollercoaster of emotions. Sometimes it's cordial, but other times we avoid each other and go days without speaking. Scott Harris

According to Sara Reis, deputy director and head of research and policy at the UK Women's Budget Group, the circumstance can put low-earning partners, who are frequently women, in a precarious position like Tucker. According to study, in the UK, 33% of women and only 11% of men are financially dependent on their partners. In a similar vein, 46% of women in Zoopla's survey claimed they had no savings when they split up with their partner, making it impossible to imagine finding a deposit for a rental property or paying for the costs of purchasing a new home.

According to Reis, "women often earn less money and have lower salaries, so when they split up with partners, they are less likely to be able to afford to rent their own home, let alone buy a place." She also emphasizes how things have gotten worse recently. During the epidemic, women were more likely to have their salaries decline, and many were compelled to take on debt.

Although homeowners may have been particularly hard hit by the increase in interest rates, many renters are also finding themselves in a similar situation. Since their separation earlier this year, Ryan Harris, 28, and his ex-partner have continued to reside in their rented London apartment.

Unable to afford the money they need to break their three-year lease, the pair have been stuck together since they broke up in May.

"In order to be released from the [rental] contract, we each had to save £3,000." Although we are saving for this, the cost-of-living crisis is making it difficult for us to do so, he says. "Despite our best efforts, it has been a rollercoaster of emotions. Sometimes it's cordial, but other times we avoid one another and go days without speaking.

For the first two months, Ryan and his ex-boyfriend had to share a home with another tenant, which required them to sleep in the same bed. Eventually, their flatmate made the decision to depart, citing the unpleasant atmosphere created by their breakup as justification. And while this afforded Ryan more room and his own bedroom, he claims that subsequent developments, such as his former partner bringing someone else home for the first time, have caused him difficulty.

I'm prepared to leave as soon as I can, but realistically, that won't be for a few months, he says. It has undoubtedly given me second thoughts about sharing a home with a partner in the future.

anxiety about the future

When it comes to cohabiting ex-spouses, Tucker is one of the fortunate ones. She claims that she and her ex-partner had a friendly breakup and that they still support and value each other as friends. She and her ex are content with their current living arrangement, but she does have concerns about the future.

The biggest catalyst for change, according to her, would be if one of us entered into another committed relationship. "My ex envisions ultimately moving in with someone, which I think is absolutely normal."

She claims that she is concerned about returning to renting and that she and her ex had talked about what they would do if one of them decided to sell their home. She muses, "Perhaps I could stay in the apartment and recruit a lodger to pay the balance of the mortgage.

Even though Tucker was able to come to a peaceful conclusion, many homeowners and renters who are going through a divorce continue to be in a precarious situation. The situation does not appear to be getting any better any time soon; some economists believe that an increase in interest rates may cause a crash in the housing market, with analysts projecting that home prices may drop by up to 15% in 2013.Couples who co-own property might be forced to stay put until their house price recovers, or risk being in negative equity if they choose to sell.

Rent increases are a direct result of borrowing rates that are growing quickly for tenants. Many people may decide to stay with an ex under an existing arrangement rather than battle a soaring rental market to locate a new place as the gap between wages and living expenses for non-homeowners narrows and living alone becomes an increasingly impossible alternative.

In terms of money, the future appears to be highly unpredictable, according to Reis. Mortgage rates don't appear likely to return to their pre-mini budget levels, which will result in higher ongoing housing costs for homeowners. Additionally, it will make it more difficult for buyers—particularly women—to obtain new mortgages.

Although she still has these concerns, Tucker says she is content for the time being to maintain in touch with her ex and to keep talking and adjusting as things in her life change. Apart from having to explain our situation to bewildered acquaintances, she claims that it has been wonderful to discover a new sort of partnership that is not based on a love commitment. It has taught us how to care for one another as friends while also becoming a little more emotionally independent.