Every widow or widower will not love again

Widows and widowers are all different

In 1979 on the CBS soap SEARCH FOR TOMORROW a character named Liza was married to Steve who died from leukemia. She later met Travel Sentel and eventually they married. There was a point where Liza was not certain about ever loving another man and if I remember correctly Steve wrote her a song before he died titled “You can love again”.

In the video, Liza plays the song on the piano and she did later fall in love with and marry a man named Travis. In Hollywood, there is always a silver lining and a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. There is almost always a happy ending, and after divorce or death, on television, and in movies, and a new love. This is not the way of the real world.

No two marriages are the same

Every marriage is different and there is no set standard. Some widows and widowers are ready to move on as soon as the body has been committed to the ground or the ashes spread. Like Jodie Watley they are singing “ Asta Lavista baby, I'm looking for a new love” and that’s OK. What is not acceptable is assuming that every widow or widower is searching for someone else.

There are men and women who gave their all to their marriages and they don’t want to put the time and effort into another relationship. I was told about an older widow who said she did not desire a broken-down man that she did not help to break down. That’s a harsh assessment but valid. Those who honed their vows of sickness and health until death may not desire to travel that road again and no one should attempt to force them. Older widows and widowers who had to care for their spouse through sickness do not want to do that all over again with a different partner.

Widows and widowers: Their decisions should be respected

I was recently told of another widow who said she did not want a second-hand man. It’s not that people who think this way are being crude. They have experienced some of the realities of life and don’t want to repeat them if possible. My grandma once said, “You know what you got but you don’t know what you are going to get.” There are widowed individuals who were with their spouse for a long time and knew their husband or wife’s good points and bad points.

Thank hey became familiar with one another and knew how to adjust and accept one another. They grew together and if a new relationship begins they have no idea what will happen down the road. There are men and women who honored their marriage vows and went through a lot to maintain the relationship. What may have been tolerated in the first marriage in an attempt to honor the vows may be viewed differently the second time around.

Widows and Widowers have the right to choose

For every widow saying she just wants someone any= body to hold her and others who admit they simply want a booty call there are women who are accepting of their new status and only want to maintain until they see their husband again. These individuals may be singing with Minnie Riperton LOVING YOU because every day of their lives were filled with loving their spouse.

Society at large puts an extreme emphasis on being sexually active and starting over more so than maintaining relationships. Irecall an episode of A MILLION LITTLE THINGs where an older married couple were portrayed as not being too interesting. After the wife died a big deal was made when the husband quickly met another woman and began having sex with her. The attitude seemed to be to cheer him in because he was getting himself some but nobody cared when he was making love to his wife and getting some for 50 years.

There is not always s someone better out there and many widows and widowers will compare everyone to their spouse. Some people will always love their deceased husband or wife and don’t want to have two men or women in their hearts. I’ve heard quite a few women say they remarried and the new husband doesn’t mind that the first spouse will always be in her heart. If this is what works for them then it’s right for them. Sometimes people just don’t want to try again but this s does not indicate that they are not moving on.

It's true that some widows and widowers will seek and find love again and others will choose to be content to be a widow or widower and this too should be respected. No one should assume that everyone has the goal of loving someone new after their spouse passes away. There would be those whose marriage was not in the best of shape at the time they became widowed. They may have gone through so much that they detest the idea of beginning another relationship. Perhaps they are singing with the group NEW YORK CITY, "I'm doing fine now without you."

Take a stand as a widow or widower

Likewise, another man or woman will want to find someone who is an improvement from their previous spouse. Whatever choice an individual makes should be accepted and no one else has the right to try to talk them down from it. Some people will be lonely and others will be OK with being alone.

Unfortunately for those who do not desire to date or remarry there will always be someone telling them they are still young and can love again, Those who do move on might hear that it is too soon and be judged for the time frame in which they dated or remarried.. People are going to give their opinions based on what they believe or what they did in a similar situation. Always make sure that any decisions you choose are not being influenced by others but are what is right for you.

Betty White's take on widowhood

Consider the late Betty White who remained a widow for 40 years after the death of her third husband Allen Ludden. She was quoted as saying; "Once you've had the best why settle for less.? No marriage and no two people are perfect and sometimes other people are aware of the difficulties that a couple endured. These individuals may not understand why you may desire to keep your late husband or wife in your heart but you know despite all the difficulties that the two of you were each others one and only soul mate.