Do You Think Parenting Stops?

I am one of those who think parenting is one of the hardest jobs on the planet. It's an opinion I have had for a long time and it hasn't quite changed. There are topics I can't help but read or save for later reads. Finance, health, politics always make the list. Parenting comes in at some point.

Recently, I read two articles on parenting I found interesting. Yewande Adeleke shared her perspective on Simple Reasons Why One Parenting Style Does Not Fit All. Emma Kemp shared another perspective titled I Am Disappointed in My Childhood - And That's OK. 

Now I had an epiphany yesterday on my way home; parenting never really stops. I lost my dad in February and I wrote a tribute to him. When I shared the news of his death with a colleague, she screamed and said: "Oh your dad… your folks are always there… they never stop being there." A bit amazed at the accuracy of her utterances, I muttered and said: "Yeah, they've been my greatest cheerleaders. From the cradle to the 'grave', in all my victories and failures, my challenges, and all what not…"

At 27 while doing my internship, I suffered from major depression. The medical internship is one of the toughest times in a physician's career. It also did not help that I did my internship in one of the busiest public hospitals in Lagos Metropolis. One blessing was the internship center was close to home, so I lived with my folks. As per the depression, I saw too many dark clouds and had lots of outbursts following long shifts. When I was not on shifts, I spent considerable time locked up in my room, sleeping for long hours. Apparently, my folks had been quietly observing this trend of behavior. The outbursts particularly bothered mum. I am not sure where she got the idea from, but one day she politely asked me to follow her to go see a psychiatrist. I obliged. After spending a couple of months with the specialist, my mood and outlook improved a lot.

I have watched my parents jump to my rescue and those of my siblings too many times to count. Sometimes, I quietly wonder if it's not too much. There must be something special about parenting that never goes out of fashion. I listen to friends who talk about how parents come to their rescue when in crisis mode. As you listen, you wonder how they'll get out of them. The day we catch up, they tell you stories of how their parents went above and beyond. In the silence of your heart, you mutter: 'thank God for parents.' Realistically, we also hear stories of those with absconded parents.

"So I stepped away for like two seconds…" - the beginning of every parenting horror story.

Mostly, from the conception and birth of a child to rearing and heading out on their own, most parents still play huge roles in their lives. Yes, there are cases of emancipated minors, stories of parents disowning their kids, and cases of dysfunctionality. Outside these, most parents are present in the lives of their kids even when they have left their nests. It's like after having them, you never really stop parenting even though involvements vary from household to household. There are those who have a hands-off approach when the child leaves home but allow the occasional SOS phone call. There are those who allow the speed dial approach to things like; school runs, babysitting, medical and financial emergencies, and mentoring/coaching sessions.

Regardless of approach, parents play a vital role. There are exceptions but nothing quite replaces that bond and the responsibilities that follow. Your kids, regardless of what age, are mostly on your radar. They may be miles from you but are always in your thoughts. It's like a task you have for life. Depending on the approach you have adopted as a parent and the agreement reached, you might allow the 'I am only a phone call away' approach or 'only contact me in emergencies'.

On a final note [which might be material for a future article], I have an older friend with whom I like to rub minds from time to time. He says that the bond between children and their parents is stronger than that between spouses. It is something he has stood firmly by through the years. What do you all think? What has been your experience?

Parenting was much easier when I was raising my non-existent kid hypothetically.