Death Wish

I was zoned out. Staring blankly at the surface of the water. I felt the chill of my soaked clothes as they clung to my body. I finally heard the sirens, those sounds that would have otherwise made me anxious, calmed me as they drew closer. I wiped away my tears on my sleeve and reached back into his right pocket to look for a key. Unfortunately, I couldn't find one, but his words "For you, Important, Don't lose this" stuck with me. Even if this was a blank black book It meant a lot to him and I promised to keep it safe.

I heard two cars pulling up behind me. I slipped the little book into my back pocket before I stood up and greeted the officers and EMT's. Their questions and interrogation took forever and I didn’t arrive home until the next morning. I left them my information and as soon as I stepped into my home I showered and began scrubbing the dried blood off my body. I caught myself crying once more, splashing water on my face trying to make myself wake up out of this wretched dream.

*Ring ring ring* The phone buzzed so loudly. “Please no, not right now” I say to the soapy wall in front of me

*Ring ring ring* “Please” I beg,

*Ring Ring*

Finally I submitted, turned off the water and while bubbles still consumed every inch of my body, I reached over and answered the phone.

"Hello Ms. Frost, This is Claus Slovanika (Slaw-vhan-E-ka), I am Mr. Rights attorney and I believe that you have something of his. Please meet me at my office 701 Oak St., Cannon beach, Oregon in 2 hours. Please be prompt. Thank you".

As the phone call ended my eyesight became blurry and my head was swimming like an endless carousel of black bubbles. “What is going on?!” I ask the empty space around me. I took a few deep breaths, returned to my shower and finished cleansing my body and my mind while I tried to prepare.

"Hi, I'm Anna Frost. I was told to meet Mr.Slovanika here at 2:00 pm." I said nervously to the receptionistist at the front desk.

"Yes ma'am right this way, would you like any coffee or water during your visit?" She seemed friendly and empathetic. I asked for water politely and thanked her for showing me to the room.

The lawyer's office was warm and traditional with a rustic home-like feeling. The brown decor with its autumn Alki Lan chairs paired perfectly with the gorgeous oriental navy blue rug. Mr. Slovanika was standing next to his chair when I walked in. He stood righteously at 5’9 and exuded confidence and wisdom in his well trimmed verdi beard. His hair, a thick messy top, displayed the same gray streak as his stash making him look handsome with an intimate edge.

"Hello Ms. Frost,'' He reaches out a hand to me, I hesitate slightly then shake his hand as he continues. "My name is Claus Slovanika. I was informed that you were the one who found Mr.Right and I can't imagine the confusion and shock you must be feeling right now. Just know that you are not alone in this and that you have helped him leave this world in peace. Please, sit, these chairs are very comfortable". He continued "Do you have the little black book Ms. Frost?"

"Yes, sir I mean Mr. Slovanika...sir and please just call me Anna" I felt like I was stumbling over my words and close to a panic attack. I took out the little black book and slid the book across the table to him to which he slid it back over to me. My confusion was very evident across my face.

"You see Ms. Frost, Anna," he spoke more seriously now straightening his back and looking directly into my eyes. "Mr. Dimitri Arin Right was terminally ill and made me promise to follow through on his last wishes. He planned on taking his life in a body of water. The autopsy showed that he drowned and guessing by the wounds, he impaled himself on a sharp rock on his journey down making it into the water to which, the statement says here, you saw him floating and jumped in to save him.”

I could only assume I looked like a gaping fish out of water because his eyes became softer and he paused allowing me to take in this information.

"His third to last wish was for true love from a beautiful woman but that was much harder to find. Although, I do believe he thought one woman to be worthy" His gray eyes with a hint of blue looked up at me as he smirked and continued on. "His second wish was to die in water and his first wish Anna, was for the person who found his body to have the contents of his black book and he knew that person would be you."

Lifting his dark brown suitcase on top of the table, he began putting in his combination. Until this moment I was zoned out, my mind detached from my body. Unsure what came over me, I burst out of my chair and I exploded through my pain and anger.

"WHY! WHY WOULD YOU AGREE TO THIS? YOU SPEAK ABOUT HIM KILLING HIMSELF LIKE IT'S AS NORMAL AS ORDERING PIZZA! WHY? Honestly, How… How could you?"

My voice sounded strange even to my own ears. I collapsed into the corner of the gloomy room as it surrounded me and mirrored my complete sorrow. I held my knees and began rocking back and forth in an attempt to console myself. I didn't want to admit it to myself but I felt something more when I held Dimitri in my arms. If I only had the chance to hold him without him bleeding and almost drowning to death, I could have loved him and truly been a great part of his life. His life force leaving his body was the hardest thing I've ever had to watch. How do you explain that the part of you that could still love is now dead only because the person who would've brought that happiness to you, no longer exists? It felt like my life was finally pulled off its axis. I grabbed Mr. Slovanika’s hand, wiped my face with my other sleeve and stood up.

"I'm sorry I yelled I just feel like I lost a big part of myself and I never got the chance to even know him" he listened and watched me intensely as I kept trying to wipe away my tears.

"Please sit down Anna, I promise it will all make sense soon." he sighed before he continued and I could've sworn I saw his eyes become glossy. "Mr. Right, Dimitri, was a brave and close friend of mine. I've known him for over 15 years and he was always there for me. He had my back more than anyone else i've ever known in my entire life. I am doing this for him because I owe him my life and more than anything I want to make sure I repay my debt and honor his memory. With that being said after opening that black book I hope you will allow me to be of service to you in the future".

He opened his suitcase and slid me the key. I picked it up, glanced up at him and then opened the little black book. The inside of the book was expertly hollowed out and it held; a small purple velvet box, a flash drive, and a single golden key in a miniature baggy with 3 slips of paper. One piece had a combination code, another had a username and password and the last one was an address.

Mr. Slovanika continued, "This", he lifted up a small black device, "Is for the slip of paper with the username and password."

Resisting the urge to nictate I took the phone and turned it on, yet what appeared was a login page to a bank account. I entered the username and password and the account balance showed twenty thousand dollars. My mouth hung open and I had no words. Instead of being happy I became full of rage, but before I exploded once more, Mr. Slovenika interjected.

"He left you a cushion to live a happy life. He loved you Anna and he knew his time was limited and he did what he thought was best. Now before you view anything else please, sign this contract saying everything that you see here belongs to you. Take your time to read it. I am in no rush".

I didn't argue I read through the contract, and even for me it was pretty simple and straightforward. My heart was aching, my head was dizzy and my stomach was nauseous. What good is a cushion if no one sits in it with you?

I signed, I cried, and I handed the paper back. I closed the phone and put it back down on the table. I only held him in my arms for 5 minutes. I wanted more time, I needed more. I wanted him. How silly was that to want someone you never got the chance to know.

I reached over to grab the flash drive and looked up at Mr. Slovanika and asked "What's on this"?

Mr. Slovanika smirked slyly and spoke with joy, "That is Dimitri and Anna, y'all's past, but most importantly your future".