Children and Discipline;

I honestly must say the subject I am touching on right now is just my opinion. It is based on my life experience and on direct observation of other functioning and nonfunctioning families. I do not condone violence toward children and neither do I find it healthy to have a child who grows up out of control. As a mother of a 15-year-old and a care giver raising 2 toddlers I have to say My view has evolved as I have matured. It is not my intent to cause discourse or say what is right or wrong, my intent is only to make you think about why people spank, and whether it’s appropriate.

We have all seen it firsthand. A mother and her child at the store and the child starts acting out. Screaming, throwing fits, and not listening! If I had a quarter for every time, I heard the words “that child needs to be spanked.” I would be rich! I used to think the same thing but as time has progressed and I have evolved my opinion has drastically shifted. This is only my opinion and observation but I am thinking perhaps that mother does not say no and follow through with it at home. The 2 toddlers I am temporally raising ages 1yr and almost 3yrs old are prime candidates for this type of behavior, especially the almost 3 year old. I am very lucky to say she is extremely well behaved in the stores! She enjoys grocery shopping and helping me decide which brand or type of produce we will choose! she enjoys helping put groceries in the cart, and is thrilled with the you push I pull the cart policy I have. Very simply put I pay attention to her and include her in the process. She is so involved with the process and the praise and thanks I give her for helping and being “such a big girl” she walks right by the toys and junk most kids would drop kick and scream for. This may not always be the case in the future but I feel the future is bright for us and our public adventures.

At home well that can be a different story. At home fits do get thrown but its usually over issues with her brother touching her and her things, also they get thrown because of tiredness, frustration over not being able to communicate properly, or of course the classic they were told no. I have had to get creative at home too and often times a distraction or redirection is all that is needed! there have been times where I have had to go to extremes and drop to the floor and pretend to throw a fit till both of them were laughing at me. I save this for shock value and distraction, and try to only use it in the most urgent cases. For cases of them being told no and mega fits being thrown I simply walk away and refuse to engage them until they calm down. I only walk away if redirection does not work. I have had to reproach them because they would not calm down. when this happens I pick them up and hold and love them till they calm down. Creativity, time, love, patience and effort have been key in reducing the amount of fits being thrown and the amount of time it takes to defuse them. I am far from the perfect parent or care giver! Yes I get tired and grumpy and yes there have been times I wanted to spank, but I have come to a point in my life that if a parent spanks a child it should NEVER be out of the parents frustration or anger. A person who resorts to violence out of there own frustration shows a total lack of creativity and intelligence. An adult who resorts to violence toward children... well I will not go there.

Don't get me wrong I was spanked a few times when I was a young child. It was never so much to inflict pain on me as it was used for its shock value! When I was spanked it was only for the most extreme cases and never broke my spirit but taught me what never to do, Like trying to stick a fork in an electrical outlet! I have often heard from people “I was beat as a child and I'm just fine” as I observe this statement directly, I usually find this is not the case. There is a difference between fear and respect. I truly respect my parents not because I was spanked as a child but because I was loved as a child! I did not have to beg for attention. Dinner was always on the table and as a family we laughed and did things, we had fun! when it came time for my mom to work I spent time with my grandparent who also gave me attention, food on the table and there time and love!!!! As a result, the good outweighed the bad and my love for my family was the foundation for the true respect I have for my parents! The problem with “kids now a days” is the parents. Due to both parents having to work because of the economy, or just a general lack of attention for their children. More children are being given entertainment devices and sat in front of TVs instead of interacting with their parents which is where children learn their life skills and habits. A child will learn what is healthy and not healthy, normal and not normal, and also their empathy and how to love from their parents. When we take that away from them, they are left with TV and social media and friends. I feel the answer is not that a child should be spanked more, but that a child should be raised more, a child should get more attention, and a child should be loved and shown this! A parent needs to lead by example, but this whole post is just my opinion!