Call the Monster-in-Law

by Lynn Adams about a year ago in extended family

Is there a way to deal with your significant other's mom, especially if she doesn't like you?

Call the Monster-in-Law

We have all heard so many horror stories. We all are terrified of one part of a relationship. The parents. For the men, it is usually fear of the dad or the brothers. You have heard some pretty interesting stories about those. But most of the time, they sort it out like men. And when all boundaries are established and feelings have been made clear, usually it is fine between them. After all, it is a common theory that many women find partners that remind them of positive male role models in their lives. Men, on the other hand, don't usually find women like their mothers.

Things are not usually so cut and dry when it comes to issues for women. There are some mothers that will not see their sons as adults and refuse to. They still see them as their little boy, which can cause a lot of fiction. No matter the age, mothers will quite often still consider their sons as their babies. Whereas fathers will be sad, yet eventually accept that their daughter is grown, mothers do not always accept that.

There is a saying for mothers where it is said, "a daughter is your daughter all your life. Your son is your son until he finds his wife," It is common knowledge that daughters and sons are very different. For many reasons. And it is not easy for many people to see. It is even harder for a single mother or a single father to see their children as grown, or to see that they are different. It is through no fault of their own; it is simply because they have seen their child as just that—a child.

Every woman that has issues with her significant other's mom asks the same questions, and go through the same thoughts. "I just want her to see I love her son." "What did I do wrong?" "Where did I go wrong?" "Did I offend her somehow?" "How do I fix it?" I know I sure have. I do it multiple times daily. It sure is not easy.

As someone that has their own issues with my boyfriend's mom, my future mother-in-law, I know the struggle. But let me tell you. There's nothing to sway her. She is going to blame you for taking her baby away from her. She is going to blame you for him choosing you over her. She is going to guilt you if you are not overly happy and grateful for everything, and she will constantly make you feel terrible for the things she does to make herself look good in front of others.

This is not to say anything bad. His mother just wants what is best for him. But as he gets older, best intentions might not be what is best. Honestly, whether it is a man or a woman or a gender non-binary person, whatever your preference is, sometimes it will be hard with that person's family. The family thinks they know what is best. Not out of spite, but because they feel like they know them the best. They feel as if you are not as important as they are.

Now, family is important. But both you and the family have to come to some kind of terms. Your part in your SO's life is JUST AS important as their family's. Nobody is any more important than anyone else. Not for any kind of reason. And do not let them get into your head by them saying that.

Honestly, no matter how much I have tried, I have not been able to get my boyfriend's mother to love me. She tolerates me, for sure. Likes me even, occasionally. But she knows that she does not have the same grip over her son anymore. She knows that she is not the most important woman in his life. Those of you with problems with your SO's mother? These are the things going through her head, especially the fact that she is not the most important woman in his life. Best option? Continue to work on your relationship. Do not let the mother come between you two. She will either come to her senses and stop doing stupid things, or she will end up pushing your significant other away.

Relationships are tricky enough as it is, but the best ones can make it through anything and everything. Even a crazy mother. There is no manual or guide on how to deal with them. If there was, I would definitely be joining the long line of women that would circling the block everywhere it was sold. If someone wrote a book like that, I would stand in line, for days even, in order to purchase it. I know quite a few other people that would join me, too.

Personally, I know what the issue is with my boyfriend's mother. She absolutely cannot stand the fact that she is no longer first and most important in his mind. She is jealous that he gives me attention. It has gotten to the point that we can't even look at each other without his mom throwing a *literal* fit. Because we were in the same room by ourselves the other day, she automatically assumed we were trying to have sex, and started throwing everything around, glaring at me like she was trying to kill me with a look. She refused to listen when he told her flat out that nothing happened, we were both fully clothed, and ABSOLUTELY NOTHING HAPPENED.

People cross the lines when it comes to relationships. But nobody crosses a line more than a family member that is used to being number one, or most important. The only thing we can do is focus and work on what's most important to us—our relationship with our partner. Who cares what anyone else has to say? Live your lives to make you guys happy. Stop living to make everyone else happy.

extended family
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