Brighter Days

It is midnight on a Tuesday and my sister and I are getting pulled from our beds by our mother to run off to a hotel, or what I called apartments at the time. This was normal for our family about once a month, when my dad would lose control and back my mom into a corner unleashing on her things that should never be unleashed. My sister and I would share a hotel bed and get up and go to school the next day as if nothing happened. Honestly, as much of a disruption this was I felt more at peace on those nights then when I was home in my own bed because the endless fighting would keep me awake. Shattering glass on the wall, the yelling and hateful words spewed from my parents mouths. School was my safe haven, school was a sanctuary and a safe place. Population 1,600, graduating class size 46 a place where you knew every person and they knew everything about you or at least what you wanted them to know.

Have you ever longed to be somewhere like that? Shoved in a classroom with 15 other people so bad that you stay awake all night waiting for the sun to rise? I have. I wasn't lost in the shuffle at school, I was seen and heard and I excelled. I couldn't wait to get up and go to school when I was a child, and growing up in a small town that felt more like a family to me than my own family did. It saved my life as a child. Friendships flourished when I was there, and I was able to laugh and connect with other kids without fear of hearing my mom scream my name for help. I was able for a short time to block out going back home, walking back into the chaos. Kids don't ask other kids about struggles at home and I longed to just not be asked and I was afforded that when I was inside of those walls at my small home town school, my home. Being told that as long as I had a roof over my head, that I wasn't being abused physically or sexually my life at "home" was normal and could always be worse. I didn't feel normal and I didn't feel okay when I was there, school was my escape.

I have since moved back to the small town that I once left, I actually eventually ran away from it. Once I graduated high school, my safe haven was ripped from me and my identity was stolen so I ran as fast as I could. I didn't feel like I belonged anywhere but that school, and what is someone to do when they don't even know who they are? The longing for a safe secure place crept back into my body once I had my own child. I remembered how incredible my town and school made me feel and I wanted him to have that same safe feeling. We are settled 100 feet from our school my alma mater and what will soon be his, and I have never felt more at home then I do in this moment. Thankfully school does not have to be his safe haven like it was for me, it does not have to be his home but an extended family.

My small town and small school were my home, my escape from the life I was living at my real home. Those walls protected me from myself and from my parents. One day my son will walk across the stage the same way I did and get his diploma moving onto the next great adventure of his life. I hope he looks back on this place the way I do, small town USA a place where you belong and are connected a place that will forever leave a print stamped in our hearts.