BOSS MOM SUPREME

I have no idea what it is like to be a mom as I chose not to walk down that path. But I do know it can't be easy. Children do not come with owners manuals. Most moms are at a young age when they they are still trying to figure themselves out, let alone how to shape a child. I simply cannot imagine how difficult it must be to navigate all of the advice, information, and opinions that surround us on the topic of raising a child right. It must have been equal parts overwhelmingly exciting and utterly terrifying!

My mom chose to embark upon that journey in the early 1960's. My parents spent seven long years trying for a baby of their own. Most couples nowadays would have given up long ago for other methods. The way my mom described the phone call from the adoption agency saying that they had a beautiful baby girl needing a family still echoes in my head today. She always told me I was chosen instead of born. She said they had picked me out of a room full of babies.

My mom and I had a rocky relationship sprinkled with sticks and stones as obstacles. She said many hurtful things over the years that left lasting scars. But ironically, the life lesson she taught me most was to be kind always. One of my earliest memories is my mother "adopting" a Vietnamese family from our church, and us going over to their tiny apartment shared by many family members to bring them food, clothing, and other essentials we could spare on our modest middle-class income. I later went on to "adopt" a Vietnamese girl in my 6th grade class to help her with reading and writing in English.

My mother spent countless hours every year pounding the pavement in our neighborhood to earn money for the American Cancer Society or United Way. My best friend in high school and I walked in the Multiple Sclerosis Walkathon every year. Another early memory is making May Day baskets every May 1st for our elderly neighbors so they would know they "were loved too". I had an elderly volunteer in my first grade classroom for years, and we were pen pals for many years after she could no longer make the drive. When a group of boys on our block were throwing rocks at me on my way home from school, my mom cautioned me to make sure I was telling the truth before she went to their parents and they got into trouble.

My mother was always accepting of others' differences. I remember when the first black family moved onto our block. My mom was the first one to befriend this family who worked for Nabisco. We reaped the benefits of free cookies and crackers, as well as knowing the nicest couple you could possibly meet. My high school gang was comprised of four black guys and only two white girls. It never even occurred to me that this was unusual until a classmate in college pointed out that she had never even seen a black person until our university!

My mom was kind to the environment, too, before this was even a "thing"! She saved rain water in buckets to use in her gardens. She grew many of her own fruits and vegetables, sharing them with her sisters and neighbors. My dollhouse was handmade by my parents with scraps of wood and fabric from their hobbies of woodworking and sewing. That dollhouse was the hit of the neighborhood! In my own life, I am obsessive about recycling.

Obviously, there were other life lessons sprinkled in with my mother's parenting. Loyalty and hard work ethic come to mind. She was fiercely loyal and protective of her family and friends in spite of even the greatest of character flaws. I reigned mama bear supreme over my brother in child and adulthood. Even though she never had a long standing career, my mom worked hard and strived for perfection in her jobs as secretary and Avon representative. My perfection tendencies earned me high grades and evaluations over the years. I was nearly always the first teacher in the building despite being an awful morning person. I spent many hours outside the duty day refining lesson plans and classroom environment and centers.

If it weren't for my mom, I may never have made such diverse friendships that I still enjoy to this day. Were it not for my mom, I may not have been able to reach the diverse needs of my students. Because of my mom, I am able to stand tall and call myself kind in a world seriously lacking in kindness.

Whether natural or chosen, probably chosen in my case since I am adopted, I am thankful for those lifelong lessons that helped shape who I am today. They influenced my moral and career choices. My mother's advice still rings in my head nearly every day. Undeniably, there are numerous downfalls to kindness and loyalty, not the least of which is a heart broken too many times to count in a world filled with horrifyingly unkind people. I lost my mom to Alzheimer's disease. Recently, I was going through some of her things and ran across a letter she had written to her boss years ago informing him that she was leaving her position to become a mother. She hadn't even known about me yet on the date of that letter. On her last day in this life, I thanked her for all that she had done for me and taught me. Even though she was supposedly unconscious, she smiled when she heard my voice.