BOSS MOM

This is the story of my mother in summary form. I hope that by reading this you can understand the importance of her in my life. There are a few things that you need to now about the life that my mother lived. Her name was Donna Lea Collins and she was my mother. My mothers father died when she was 15 from a farm accident and her mother died when she was 16 of cancer. We had a lot of death due to cancer my entire life. My mother watched as she lost her brother and many more be taken by cancer. But somehow, she would pull it together with each tragedy and taught us perseverance through her actions and her words. When I was young, she managed the house, the bills and raising my sister and myself while my father worked. She took jobs here and there to help try to bring in some money because we were extremely poor. Of course, she made sure we never knew it at the time because she would not let her life stressors show to us. I was about 12 when my father became ill and he could not work anymore, so my mother got a full-time job and became the only one working. She still would manage the house, bills, us and took care of my father for eight years until he died and go to work. But she did so much more than that which you will come to see. My mother did it all by herself because she did not have parents or grandparents to help her with babysitting or advice. We were taught that your path in life is a difficult one, but will need to set goals and reach them, then set new goals. Do not stop because something seems unreachable, or too difficult, because everything is reachable. When I was 22 my mother found out she had the same cancer that her mother died from, ovarian cancer. She was 42 and fought a strong fight for three years until she lost the battle at age 45. You asked to write about the lessons that our mothers taught us, well there were many in those 25 years until I had to say goodbye. Almost like she knew she only had 25 years to teach a lifetime of lessons, to influence and shape my life for many years to come. My son was born with Velo-Cardio-Facial Syndrome and what she taught helped me cope with many stressors and how to exist with those stressors. We almost lost my son a few times and her strength gave me strength.

My mother taught me patience, which I applied to my life daily. Some days are easier than others, and that is okay, but without extreme patience my life would physically and mentally be more exhausting then it already was. She taught me unconditional love, compassion for others, and what is important in life. Family! Material things, what you have and do not have, are not important. You make a home, a life, by positive interactions. So that is what I taught my children, to be happy by being together, by having fun and creating memories with each other. I was able to teach my children how to maintain good self-esteem, to have determination to achieve happiness within oneself, and to respect others. Not everyone has the same level of limitation that you do, where I am strong others are weak and where I am weak others are strong, but never give up. We must help as many people as we can in every day. No one is better than the next person, you have no idea about the life someone else leads, or their struggles. Let your own struggles make you stronger for going through them, do not let them tear you down. Talk openly about them because it might leave an impression on someone who is listening and who needs to hear it. My mother taught me faithfulness, connection beyond vanity, to build a strong foundation together as one not separate path but as a force of unity. She showed me the importance of admitting your mistakes with apologies to demonstrate to my children that parents are human too and make mistakes. It is how you correct those mistakes and learn from them so not to repeat them. My mother explained to me how it is of the great significance to move through hard times, not around them, not avoiding them but face them head on. To demonstrate forgiveness and understanding to others so my children will do the same.

My mother taught me to try and be positive in life and show positivity to others. Do not waste time and energy being angry or negative because it can take away your strength little by little. It will take away your inner peace and it is difficult to carry that burden on your heart and mind each day. She taught me how to see and appreciate life in everything around me. Especially nature, from the grass and trees to the moon and stars, I see the wander of it all and find peace through it. Life has proven to be short in my experiences and you must live in the now. If you allow yourself to dwell in in the sorrow that will be all you know. It will become overwhelming as life stressors continue in your existence, stacking on top of each other, weighing down on you, through everything you do. It will be having a factor in every decision you choose because your mental state will already be diminished. This happens to all of us from time to time, even the ones you think are the strongest. I had to pull strength from memories of my mother’s lessons to pull me out of loosing such a powerful part of my life. She taught me to work hard at everything that I do and if your going to do something put your all into it to accomplish it. Always be charitable to ours and strive to be a better person because we can improve on ourselves until we leave our loved ones. She even showed me how I want to die. She was at peace and worried about how we were dealing with it all. The strength of my mother was amazing and never stopped. It is hard to watch someone you love and need so much slowly die, it will change you in ways you could not believe, and wouldn’t want to know.

What my mother could not teach me was how to be an orphan. I will always be the daughter of Donna Lea Collins, but I will not and can not be a daughter anymore. I can not act on being a daughter and her death stole some of who I was, who I am. You all close your eyes and think for a moment on the action of you being a daughter. Yes, it is a noun, but I argue it is also a verb, a state of action toward your mother. So consider the conversations, the seeking of advice, the sharing of great news, telling her that her favorite movie is on so she can watch it, or making her those wooden twig crafts that she would love because her favorite bird, a cardinal, was on it. Just think about how that is left inside you and you can not act on it. Making her eyes light up with a surprise to where you can tell that her soul is smiling through those eyes. Yes, those smiling eyes. All the love that you continue to have inside of you to give to your mother is left there without a way to reach her. Just think of all the interaction as a daughter with your mother ceased to exist one day. Yes, I lost the action of being a daughter and a part of myself. But I do often hear her words in times of need, and I am reminded of what she has taught me, has shown me. I found courage to go through life without her, but that does not mean I do not think of her daily. Cherish every moment with your mothers. Memorize every detail with her, of her. Enjoy the feeling of loving her, of knowing her and of her love, because it will have to last a lifetime when she is gone.

It is because of her that my family has a mission statement, I speak of it often and reads as follows:

We believe that our experiences in life are not just ours to own. It is every person that we encounter, be it a minute, an hour, days or even years. They become a part of our experience and we become a part of theirs. We will speak of their life in our experience stories and they will speak of our life in their stories. I can speak of any of my experiences in a positive way (no matter the negative experience) because it might help another person, one that maybe I did not even know was listening. Each one of us are inspiring people, overcoming each bump in our path. Eventually finding our way back each time, stronger than the last. We are watchers, listeners, speakers, lovers, writers, singers, and life living goers for each other. We do not live life alone. There are tons of people around you that you do not know and you might need one of them to become your friend in a time of need, but also think of how many are around you needing the same thing from you. One of you must be the one to reach, why not let it be you. It starts with opening your mind and your eyes. Actually see the life and beauty in everything around you or you will miss it. RIDE LIFE HAPPY!

I do think about if she sees me for all that I am, that I could be, all that I will be. Does she see all that I have accomplished so far? Does she see the compassion that I have for others? Does she the mother that I became because of her? Does she see all that she taught me that I apply in my life daily? I pray that I will be half the mother, friend, sister, and nana that she was able to be. She was kind, loving, strong, compassionat, patient, forgiving, respectful, selfless, and loved unconditionally. She was an angel in her life and death. She is my angel.

Does she know that I am who I am because she, Donna Lea Collins, was my mother?