Book of Inspiration

Everything was dead around me. The tree branches loomed in the sky, bare, like skeleton fingers stretching out searching for something to grab hold of. My boots crunched in the snow as I climbed the ancient steps up the hill where my ancestors were buried. I had never met them, but their final resting place, a family plot dating back to the 1800’s, always seemed to bring me peace. I would come here when I was younger to get away from the world, but this place no longer held that same appeal. Now, this place where I once drew solace served as a bitter reminder of how cruel the world could be.

I laid the yellow jasmine flowers down on the tiny grave to the right of me. The temporary grave marker wasn’t visible beneath the snow, but I knew who this space belonged to in my family’s plot. There was another grave directly in front of me that had been here for some time. I laid the holly berry wreath on top of the larger grave as the tears silently began to slide down my face. The last eight years had been an absolute nightmare that I relived every time I closed my eyes. Who was I kidding? I relived it while my eyes were open too.

As I wiped the icy tears off my cheeks, I began my descent down the steps to my car. Not many people preferred to visit the cemetery at any time of year, but the harsh winters made it especially uninviting. I noticed, however, that there were still a few people around. One person caught my eye for some unknown reason as I followed the trails to the parking area. She was older, maybe in her sixties, and dressed poorly considering how cold it was outside. Wasn’t she freezing? Her jacket looked like it was just as old as she was and threadbare. She wore no gloves, hat, or scarf. I had no idea why this stranger would grab my attention. Maybe I was just feeling lonely and wanted some connection with another human being that might be able to understand my grief.

I continued walking and rounded the last bend on the trail before arriving at the parking lot. My sleek, black, 2022 Acura RDX was parked in the front row. I loved and hated this car all at the same time. It was a beautiful beast, fast and powerful. I loved the way that it handled in any driving condition. But it was a replacement vehicle, a reminder of what had transpired. A visual representation that my life had been turned upside down and that things would never go back to normal. A symbol of how alone I was and would always be. I hated everything that new car reminded me of. But it drove oh so well.

*****

“Dawn? Dawn, are you there?” The voice accompanied by the banging on the door woke me from my wine-induced coma. “Dawn! I know you’re in there! You forgot to close the garage door! Open up!” That male voice boomed throughout my house. I slowly dredged up every ounce of energy I possessed and shuffled to the front door. It creaked as I inched it open.

“What do you want Edward? I’m trying to sleep and forget that the world still exists,” I ground out through gritted teeth.

“Open the door and let me in! It’s cold as a witch’s…never mind. Just let me in. It’s cold. I’d like to warm up.”

I opened the door the remainder of the way and let him in. “I forgot to turn on the heater, so you probably won’t warm up in here either.”

I turned on the thermostat as we walked through the living room into the kitchen. I added coffee to the percolator and set the pot to brew. Edward was sitting at the bar watching my every movement. I noticed that he was always observant of his surroundings especially when I was in the room. I never quite understood why, but he didn’t bother me or seem to be a creep about it, so I kept my thoughts to myself.

“I have something for you,” Edward said gently as I got two mugs down from the cabinet and poured coffee. “I’ve been thinking a lot about whether I should give this to you, but I believe that life is best spent living with no regrets so here goes.” He ran his hands through his raven colored hair and stared at me with breathtaking blue eyes. His left ear was pierced, and the diamond glittered in the bright glow from the lights in the kitchen. “I know your birthday is coming up in a couple days and I wanted to give you something meaningful. I know that things have been tough since you lost your husband and daughter. You once used to be this ray of sunshine that lit up every room, but you lost that, and I understand why. I wanted you to know that I still see a spark, and one day I hope I will see you shine again.”

He paused and took several deep breaths. The room had warmed up and I could no longer see our breaths puffing out like little clouds. I hoped he was warm. I knew I was burning up, but it had nothing to do with the temperature of the house.

Edward had been my neighbor for years. He and my late husband, Keith, had been best friends. Edward had been there when we found out we were expecting and at the hospital waiting when our daughter, Ivory, was born. He had also been at the funerals for Keith and Ivory. I remembered when I lost Keith to a heart attack right after Ivory was born. He had always been in great health, but an underlying heart issue that we never knew existed took his life when he was 22. Ivory had never known her father. She had known Keith, and he had been an amazing stand-in. Her life was cut short due to a drunk driver. She was only three when she died. That was five years ago, and the aching pain still would not go away.

Edward slid a little black book towards me. It was about the size of a postcard, maybe a little larger. It was beautiful and had a tiny picture of a camera engraved toward the bottom with the single word “Inspiration” written below in cursive. I could see a ribbon inside marking a stopping point about halfway through the pages.

“What is this?” I asked, confused as to why he was giving me what looked like a fancy journal.

“When I am inspired, I create things,” Edward replied looking me directly in the eye and taking my hands in his. “It’s a reminder of good times. Open it, please,” he said as he removed his hands from mine.

I slowly opened the book and gasped at the treasures I saw. Inside, there were pages upon pages of pictures and sketches. Photos the size of the book, small thumbprints of Ivory’s face, wallet-sized photos-there were collages of photos on at least half of the pages. I continued flipping through the pages and saw sketches of Ivory and myself together from various stages in her life. When she said her first word, got her first tooth, started walking-all these significant milestones in her short life had been captured in this little black book with notes scribbled in with the dates and times they had happened. I could not believe that this beautiful thoughtful gift was being given to me.

“Edward, how on earth did you put all this together? How did you remember all these things? This is so…remarkable. Oh, my…” I began to sob hysterically, unable to hold myself together any longer. I felt strong arms wrap around me and hold me as I shook. Edward smoothed back my long, curly red hair.

“I have something else for you,” he whispered into my ear. Slowly, he let go of me and returned to his barstool. He withdrew an envelope from his pocket inside his coat and handed it to me. “Keith asked me to hang onto this envelope for you in case something ever happened to him. He said I would know when the right time was to give it to you. I’m not sure what’s inside it. I can leave if you want to be alone to open it,” Edward stated, but made no move to get up.

“Please, stay,” I said quietly. I stared at the envelope for another moment and slowly ripped one end off. Inside was a stack of $100 dollar bills. I froze, not sure what to do. I slid them out of the envelope and started counting them. I counted a second and a third time. “$20,000 dollars…this envelope has $20,000 dollars…” I couldn’t seem to formulate any thoughts other than the dollar amount that I had counted. I looked inside the envelope and saw there was a note inside it. I pulled it out and began to read.

Dawn,

I love you more than words can express and always will. I have been saving this money for some time. I have not been feeling well and can’t tell you how I know, but I just know that our time together is going to be ending soon. I will miss you and I will miss seeing our sweet Ivory Grace grow up. Being able to make a family with you and see the birth of our beautiful daughter have been the best things to ever happen to me. Thank you for our family and the love you gave me. Now, back to the money. Spend it. You heard me right, SPEND IT! On whatever you want! Travel, go see the world like we always wanted, give it to a charity. Spend it however you like. There is only one condition to what you spend it on-enjoy it. Wipe those tears, tell Edward thank you, and figure out how you will enjoy the money.

Love always,

Keith

I dried my cheeks and looked at Edward. He was sitting as still as a statue, watching my every move as usual. “Keith left this for me. He knew something was wrong and that he was dying. And he saved this for me. He wants me to spend it.”

Edward looked at me for a moment and took a sip of his coffee. “I really don’t know what to say,” he replied. “Nothing I think of sounds right. Congrats?” he said with a small grin. “How will you spend it then?” he asked.

“Well, Edward. I think I am going on a trip. I’m Irish, obviously, considering the red hair. I want to go to Ireland, see my heritage. Take photos. I always wanted to become a freelance photographer for magazines, but once Keith and I settled down and had Ivory, I didn’t make that a reality. I think I am going to do it now,” I replied as a grin broke out on my face. I had not felt this good about anything in such a long time.

Edward stared into my hazel eyes. “I think that’s great! You could use the time away to do something you love.”

I opened the black book once again, this time starting on the first page. It had a photo of Keith, Ivory and me when Ivory was born. The first several pages were all family photos that I had no idea existed. I glanced toward Edward. “I would love to have another book of memories like this about my travels. I think I also want to write about my experiences one day and something like this would help me remember. Would you consider going with me?”

“Yes,” Edward replied, “I would love to.”