"Because I Said So!"

Everyone has heard it, most of us have said it, “Because I said so” has been a frustrating cop-out parents have used as a blanket excuse for anything they didn’t feel like justifying at the time.

As a mother who has said it many times, and as a daughter who also heard it growing up, and hated it more and more each time, I am here to tell you the real reason you shouldn’t use “because I said so” anymore unless absolutely necessary. I know some are thinking, when could that ever become necessary? Well...

If we are being totally honest about it, I think we can all agree that there are those rare times that even the best of parents have to throw up their hands and take the easy way out. They get bissed off, so to speak. Because I Said So, biss. (I’m not going to lie I am anxious to see the term take flight in the parenting community. My personal claim to fame-ish) I joke, but it really is one of those things that seems so inconsequential yet changing it could drastically alter so much.

I can hear all the gears grinding in your mind, pumping out questions like a little doubt factory. Don’t label me a loon just yet, let me paint a picture to help you with a new perspective. After all, that is really the only thing capable of shifting passionate opposing opinions in any situation, one’s perspective.

If you're seeing from the eyes of a child you can see how this BISS behavior can easily lead to rebellious attitudes, most of which lack even the slightest and most basic forms of respect for other people. Many of the kids that heard BISS more than any other form of response to their inquirys at young ages are now out in the world with the mentality that things are what they are simply because he or she may say so. Children need boundaries, dicipline, morals, and love, but even more so they need good role models.

About two years ago my friend’s daughter was going through some struggles and finding it really hard to communicate some of her feelings when arguing with her mom and stepdad. When she was at her mom’s she would want an explanation as to why, when her mother would say no to a request. She was excessively annoyed by the blanket response of BISS.

One night she was venting to me. She explained the situation she was struggling with and asked for advice on how to fix it. The answer came to me quickly and quite unexpectedly, I still can’t figure out how I never thought of it before. I’m betting at least a handful of you are going to feel the same way. I told her my idea, she agreed, and then there was nothing we could do except to wait and see what happened.

I told her I would flat out ask “Mom, if you are teaching me to make good choices for myself when I grow up, don’t you think it might help to know why you make the choices you do, so that I will be able to make good decisions too, even when you aren’t there to guide me.”

Because I Said So works against that goal. Think about it, if I tell my daughter you can’t go to that sleepover because I said so she has learned nothing other than moms a bitch and doesn’t want me to have fun ever. If I tell my daughter, no you can’t go to that party because I know there will be drugs and boys with no supervision. Then she knows I am protecting her, even if she's still pissed she can't go. Kids think we are out to ruin any chance they have of being independent. When in reality all the bitching and nit picking is to make them successfully independent. There is nothing independent about making your moms basement into your bachelor pad/ gamer heaven.

You aren’t just raising children; you are shaping the adults they will become. We have enough assholes running around not caring about anything but themselves. Please do your part to make sure your kid is prepared for the ass kicking adult life will surely provide. We have to remember that between the ages of 14 and 17 if your teen is angry with you, you are probably doing something right.

It is hard to walk the tight rope line that separates the friend from parent, even harder to maintain the balance all the way through. Especially because you and your child are both preparing for the next stage in life. But, for the first time, those paths are very different. They are gearing up to go out on their own and you are preparing yourself for the inevitable heartbreak that will follow. You are pulling them closer and they are trying to get away twice as fast. Before you know it, they are out there in the big crazy world, everything that threatened them today will be there tomorrow the only difference is that you will no longer be in charge. You won’t be able to punish them if they don’t listen, you won’t be able to dictate who they associate with, where they go, or when they come home at night. When that happens wouldn’t you rather know that you prepared them well, feel confident that when they face a situation, they will not only know what to do and how to do it, but they will know why they are doing it.

There are millions of opinions in the world and this one is mine, the right one. Listen to me, you’ll have someone to blame later, for the awesome human you made!

Peace Love and Legos