Beautiful Inside & Out

The definition of Inspiration is the process of being mentally stimulated to do or feel something, especially to do something creative.

Beautiful Inside and Out, that's exactly what my mother was. She symbolized everything that describes Inspiration. Not only Inspiration but also, Motivation and Strength. Seeing her struggles in her everyday life and hearing her stories in the early years of my childhood made me who I am today.

My mother told me her life stories, some good and rejoyceful, others tragic and horrible. They all were memorable. Even though My Mother didn't have a lot to smile about, she smiled all the time. I couldn't understand it so much back then but i understand it a lot more clearly now. Truth was, the pain my mother had been through, turned her into a someone so beautiful. Beautiful now on the inside and out. It didn't control her mentally and get her down. It made her stronger. She became even more special and brighter than she already was, by embracing the scars from her past. The scars were not going away, they would always be there. She used them as the art gallery of her life. Those scars turned her into a beautiful person, on the inside and out.

She had been through enough in her early years that it's a gift from above she made it to see the age of 51. My mother had a tough childhood. All together, my mother birthed four healthy children. I use the term birthed like that because my mother also had, two miscarriages and one stillborn death. My mother was able to carry her first child with no complications. The second one, not so much. The second born was born at nine pounds, four ounces. Huge baby for a woman that was only 5'4 and 130 pounds. She was a tiny woman. It messed up her body a little bit to where she had a hard time carrying children after that. That's when the miscarriages and stillborns started.

I'm sure that was very hard on her carrying and having a child that was pronounced deceased at the time of birth. She explained to my younger brother and I, that she was already going through things that had her stressed out and living life on a unknown path. But, through everything that was happening around her, My mother eventually was able to carry my brother and I. It's a blessing in more ways than one to be here. I'm so grateful to be able to tell my mothers story to the world.

Even after the Stillborn deaths, the births My mother did have, had helped her make it through. Until more tragedy happened. But, just like she overcame everything else, she survived those obstacles as well. She survived what ever else came her way and tried to break her down. She went through so much turmoil in her life that she wanted it to all just be over with at a few depressing points in her life. Something kept her alive and kept her going and that's where her strength came in at. That's when she was able to use that trauma and pain that brought her thoughts of ending her life and turn it into a beautiful master piece. Her life is definitely a story worth listening to or reading. She has taught me the true definition of life and that's more than anything I would ever want or need to learn. Because if you know how to live your life, you control your thoughts. The way of the world won't be able to control your mind. You will control it.

My mother shared all kinds of stories. She shared stories on all types of subjects. She told us stories about how she thought of committing suicide after the miscarriages but something inside her told her to keep going. She kept going and I was born. Then my youngest brother was born soon after. If she had given up, I wouldn't be here. In reality, my mother wasn't just fighting for herself. My mother had two sons before the miscarriages and stillborns but, the stories with them were not at all that great.

My oldest brother was taken and given to my mothers oldest sister to raise. At the time my mother was only 16 years old and her mother didn't think it would be a good idea for my mother to keep him. It was either adoption or transfer custody to family member. So you can possibly guess what option it was. My mother's oldest sister raised my oldest brother as her own son. Once he was of age to understand he was already angry with my mother to the point where the communication between them didn't really come together until it was almost to late. That played a big role in the depression my mother soon developed. From then her life was up and down until the day she passed away.

My mother also had to deal with domestic violence in her own home on a regular basis. Yes, there were multiple occasions where I had to involve myself in the disputes between her and my father. I wanted to protect my mother to the best of my ability. But I couldn't. I did the opposite. I started to rebel and fight my mother back when she tried to discipline me. I regret all the things I said and done to my parents. Especially my mother. She did not deserveany of what happened to her. The things I witnessed in my home growing up still mess with my mental to this very day. They disturbed all my thoughts as a child. No child should have to witness their mother being beat up, dragged or hit in the head with a hammer.

My mother also was exposed to and became addicted to drugs. Dealing with the things she went through, no one should have really blamed her for doing drugs but they did. She was beaten, raped, and held captive. She witnessed her best friend, tortured and killed. She went to jail a few times and much, much more. My mother experienced a variety of situations that tried to break her. Tried to break her mentally, emotionally and spiritually. I was there to see some of things myself. I saw how hard it was for my mother. Even going through all of those horrible situations, she didn't let it stop her from being a great role model for me. My mother was truly an angel in human form. She was dedicated to being herself no matter what she had gone through. That's what I admired most of all about her.

My mother taught me to be a real woman. One who doesn't need makeup or un-natural body parts to make myself blend in. She taught me to think before I act and to always be a lady. My mother taught me how to be a mother. She rocked me to sleep until the day she passed away. I was 17, pregnant with my second child, in high school and being rocked to sleep by my mother. I'll never forget those times. She was a real person. She was a Real Mother. Honestly, she still is.

She taught me the real true definition of LOVE.

While my mother told these stories, I really didn't understand exactly what it was she was telling me. I failed to grasp the fact that she was teaching me the "Real". She was teaching me the way of the world with those Inspirational Lectures she once gave my brothers and I. I call it that because I've grown up. I experienced some of the same situations she went through. Her stories provided me the strength and courage to conquer the problems that I faced in my life. It gave me the motivation I needed to keep going when times got hard.

My mother was a very strong woman.

My mother passed away in July of 2010. She has been gone 10 years this year and I think this story is a Great Way to celebrate her death in a very special way. My mother Inspired me to be a Mother. She Inspired me to be Real. I appreciate her for that. She inspired while she was here on earth and is still inspiring me to be great today.

-Dedicated to My Mother ( Melvina Terry ) May she continue to Rest In Peace.