An Open Letter to Moms of Angels

Dear Mothers,

You are a Mom. Even if your baby never got to take its first breath, you are a Mom. I am so, so sorry that you have lost your baby. No words or false 'it will get better's' will ever fill that hole from your child. It doesn't matter if it was miscarriage, stillborn, SIDS, or some other unfortunate event that ended in you losing your child.

Some pain and grief are unique. Losing a family member or a friend isn’t the same as losing a baby. It isn’t any better or worse, just a different kind of pain. Those who haven’t experienced that pain usually just don’t understand what you and your family are going through.

Most people mean well, they genuinely do. So every insensitive sentence you have heard or taken in the worst of ways. Try to step back and realize that they don't understand. They don't understand that saying: "This child just wasn't the one you needed to bring home" or "You weren't ready for a child anyway, now you can be better prepared for next time" is ripping into you with a knife and directly prodding your grief and loss.

You are so strong. You are so brave. Do not let anyone tell you differently. Do not let anyone tell you how to grieve or how long you can grieve. Do what you need to do to grieve, there is no right way to do so. Lean on your circle of trusted friends and family to help you. You do not have to go this alone. Do not let anyone tell you that if you were only a couple of weeks along that your pain and grief is any less valid than the mother that lost her child near the end of her pregnancy. Do not listen to anyone who tries to invalidate you and your feelings.

I lost my child, Eon Joy, at only seven weeks due to a miscarriage in June of 2020. I chose to name my child and get material objects to remember my angel baby by. Do what makes you happy. Find what helps you process the loss the best. Join support groups and write angst-ridden poetry. Only you can say what will help you, no one else’s opinion matters.

I had several people in my life ignore or disregard my loss, but I also had some amazing people make up for that and helped me even more. You have to ignore those that will not help and only harm you during this sensitive period of time. Be a little selfish, you deserve it at this point. If you can’t find someone in your life to be that rock you need, there are some amazing Facebook and community support groups with some really amazing people. Everyone heals differently, everyone grieves differently, do not compare your journey to anyone else’s.

Your baby was so loved. You will never forget them. You gave them all your love and kindness. They loved you too. You are a great mother. It doesn’t matter if you have other kids or if you don’t have any other kids, you are a wonderful mother. It doesn’t matter if you never have any other kids after this one, or if you go one to have rainbow babies or even more angels. You are an amazing mother and you deserve all the love and support that you can get.

You are Strong.

You are Brave.

You can make it through this pain.

I believe in you, Mama.

Fight and Live for your child who didn’t get to know how much you would have loved and cared for them.

Love those that surround you that much more because life is fragile and short.

Sincerely,

A Mom to an Angel that Understands