Always there

When I was four, I asked my aunt’s girlfriend to be my mom because I didn’t like mine. My mom worked all of the time because she was a nurse with twelve hour shifts and also a single mother. My mother’s name is Donna, and we didn’t always have the most solid relationship. That has been mostly my fault.

I was taken out of my home when I was sixteen years old because I was a troubled teen with a troubled past. I stole her car and left state with a friend because I was afraid my parents had called the police. I blamed everything on my mom. She was the reason for me being alive, so I believed she also deserved all of the blame as well. She took all of my anger graciously. She knew I was hurting and so she was just there for me.

Group home after foster home and jail in between stays, that is how my late teens were spent. My mom came every chance they gave her to visit. I cannot say that I was enjoying my visits with her. I was angry at her for being where I was at in my life. I was angry at her for having to be away from my siblings. I was angry at her for not divorcing my stepdad and then angry when it finally did happen. Point is, I’ve spent most of my life angry at my mother, wishing I had a new one, a better one.

Even throughout my twenties I struggled with my mother’s love. I did not feel close to her so I would work Christmas and Thanksgiving to not have to do a family get together. Even after I had my children, I did not think of her much as a grandma either. I wish I could say things were different in regard to my mother, but truth is I’ve never treated her well.

My mother didn’t have a good example of what a mother should be because her own mother was an alcoholic for all of her childhood. Honestly, she is amazing for the mother that she was then and is now. I only wish I knew how great she is a long time ago. Where did she learn to do any of these motherly things?

She’s the best mom to learn lessons from as well. The lesson I’ve learned the most from my mom on how to be a good mother myself is to show up. Remember that my mom never left me and visited every chance she got. I believe parenting is 90% showing up. Just be there for your kids, no matter the age. Her warm smile, loving thoughts and attitude where just extra icing on the cake.

I’m kind of all grown up in my mid-thirties now. My mom is still patient with me and visits every chance she can. I have two wonderful children of my own. My oldest son had a recent hospital stay that frightened everyone. I called my sister and best friend thinking that they would definitely be there for me in my biggest time of need. My sister was going swimming and couldn’t leave her family. And my friend couldn’t make it because of her car troubles. Guess who showed up? My mother was there every day she could throughout my son’s seven-day hospital stay. Nobody else showed up. I can always count on her being there. It didn’t matter that she had just worked a twelve-hour shift and was starving after her workdays. She was there. She was there with her patient words and kind smile. My momma, Donna, is the best boss mom there is.