Adoption

Some people can take adoption as a positive or a negative thing....Depends on the person and how their life has unfolded throughout the years. Its different for everyone. Its different for me.

Lets start at the beginning.

When I was born my birth Mom gave me up for adoption. If she had me she would've been a single mother. Someone she had to take care of besides herself as all parents know. I never got a chance to meet her of course, but as time went on I became more than ok with knowing that I was never going to meet her. After becoming familiar with my adopted family I fell in love with them. Even when I was just extremely young I knew right away that this Family was meant for me.

As life went on I learned more about myself and my true feelings.

Deep down I knew that I wasn't like my adopted Family. I looked very different from them. When I was at a young age, but at an age where I fully understood certain things, my adopted parents told me that I came to America because my birth Mom wasn't able to take care of me, but she wanted me to have a better life. A life where I could grow, live and be happy. All of those things came true for me, yes. I was blessed. I am not complaining. However their is always a backstory. Their always is....

Even though I was truly blessed I felt a abandoned and hurt. I was just a baby why would she give me up like that? All my life through friendships and relationships I had the "compare" trait. The "are they going to leave me" mentality. How could I not though? I know, I know typical "girl" right? Too into their feelings? Ha yeah I guess, but my feelings were valid. They were true, raw and real. They made me who I am Today. Growing up I never had trouble finding friends even best friends, but keeping them was my problem. I lost a lot of AMAZING friends with the way I acted due to my abandonment issues. They didn't deserve it. I admit I can be the toxic friend. I pushed away a lot of good whole hearted people due to my abandonment issues. I just wish I knew back then what I know now. Maybe I could've done things differently, but the past is the past. All I want to do is continue to move forward. Continue to get stronger.

To anyone who have been adopted and those who are still yet to be adopted....

Don't give up no matter how harsh your feelings get. The feeling of abandonment is absolutely real, but eventually someone will look at you and see that you deserve to be loved. Then the feeling of abandonment will start to shrink. Of course it will never go away, but take a moment to look up at the sky and be thankful for what you do have.

My advice and it is hard bc I am still learning and growing, but try not to let your abandonment issues, anxiety and hurt feelings effect those who are trying to be there for you and love you. Sometimes its easy to just let them leave and for you to be alone because you know how you are and you wouldn't wish this feeling upon anyone, but it isn't easy being alone either. Lonely nights are hard too. I have my wonderful Family who never gave up on me no matter what I did as a teen into my adult life. I have a man who loves me and wants to be with me depside my flaws. That man has proven that to me since day 1 no matter how many times I try and fight and argue.

Like I said "adoption" can be a good or bad thing.

That was my story.