About Me

My Life from Birth

Let's just say I haven't had the best of upbringings or so you say, childhoods. Let's just get right in, shall we.

When you read the two lines on the pregnancy test and think, "wow were having a baby," I'm guessing some people don't. Some people may be wrapped up in their own life choices to not really think about this little life growing within your own body. Some sort of life choices which one of a few my mother chose was drugs. To be quite specific "speed." So I've been told, it all started with the typical "party drug." As for every drug they have their kicks and thrills, then wear off. This is where the drug addictions begin as then she would want a bigger buzz and look for a stronger drug. So when she found out she was pregnant, her drug addiction was too much for her to quit so she cut down and kept it as a secret. This obviously didn't go down too well for the pregnancy. She had an emergency c-section as I was a stressed baby. You would think this would have opened her eyes but sadly not. She carried on, then the social workers got involved. As I grew older, I had to have various of tests and counselling as I wasn't developing as the midwives and health visitors would like me to have done. I have a younger brother of 2 years and I was made to look after him. Wash, dress, feed. You name it, I did it. So this affected the childhood I had as I was acting and doing things which the mother or father should at only 3 or 4 years of age. It wasn't as bad as I write it all out to be. We were mostly in our bedrooms whilst everyone was down stairs, all of their friends socialising together, injecting together. Why didn't the social workers get involved? Well, my mother was very good at covering up her tracks, making up lies and believing them too. If she was ever caught out or if something happened which she didn't agree with, she was very good at pretending to cry. She was really good at the so called crocodile tears. My father on the other hand wasn't really around, I'm sure she told them that he was always working which obviously wasn't the case at all. My father was either out stealing from houses, stealing cars for joy rides, doing/getting drugs, or getting in some sort of gang fights. There was the odd days where the house would be a tip, she'd say that she didn't get round to it due to being sick for the past couple of days/weeks. Or that they've had a load of friends round for a party. The odd bruise or cut that she'd blame the other child for that they "played rough" and got a bit too "excited" with the other. Such as an incident where my brother was found with a cut, which has turned into a scar from when he was younger, of course I got the blame for. "She pushed him into the DVD player." People started noticing more as we got older. Especially the school days, second hand clothes, not proper uniforms, hair was all knotted and dirty (it had to be shaven). My brother wasn't developing his speech correctly so they had to give him speechtherapy. You also get the parents talking, telling their kids to keep away. This brought on a lot of bullying within the school days and getting isolated from parties, friendship groups, and this would get you known throughout pre-school/school. The bullying got to a point where we had to be removed from the school and re-schooled where the teachers were warned about us and our situation so we got special treatment which clearly the other kids didn't agree with.

The 1st of October, a week before my 5th birthday, we got re-homed. The social workers finally clicked on with the situation at school and the zero effort our parents put in and the constant reports back from the teachers and everyone else that saw us, our behaviour and how we were developing. We were re-homed to our auntie, my mother's sister. Everything seemed really good at the beginning. We went on holidays, trips to the beach, zoos, the lot. The novelty wore off as soon as we hit the age of doing chores around the house, hoovering, dusting, ironing, gardening, and so much more. This was on top of school work we have to get top marks in and if their was any trouble with bullies or we got a report back, that was our fault. She got a lot lighter with the punishments for my brother over the years, a lot more lenient to the point he didn't really care if he misbehaved at school as their wasn't any punishment as such. Always getting bad phone calls home, put on reports, and detentions. If I did a slight thing in the wrong mind, I'd be put on the bottom step (even at 18 years old), made to do lines "I will not...." whatever I did wrong. I would have to do more chores and near enough all the time get a beating. Well, pulled by my hair, slapped, or pushed against the wall whilst getting told off. I would have all my devices took from me for weeks/months. Not like they were always took from me and checked anyway. Wasn't aloud to go socialise with friends even though I was never allowed out of the house anyway other than going to school or college. She would control who I spoke too, how I'd speak to them and when to speak to them. I would come home from school or college and have it taken off me and checked and banned till the next day as even though I was at school/college I would have been "on it too much." My brother, since he didn't really get into trouble as such, loved me getting told off. He took it as he was more loved and that he could do anything. So he loved trying to get me into trouble, try and get my things taken off me and loved the idea of me getting sent to bed early whilst he snoops through my phone as it was taken off me. Laughing extra loud so I can hear them having a laugh, he knew this would make me feel left out and unwanted which he constantly wanted me to know. He would get the buzz off me upset. He would go out of his way to walk past and hit me, kick me, or mess up my work if I was head deep in some school/college work. He would love to shout to our auntie that I'm "not using my phone for work purposes" just to try and get it taken from me and searched through for any little thing that would make her have ago at me. Constantly smiling at me when he knows I'm upset with something, like the whole family going out for a meal and because I had work due soon I had to stay home to finish and have something like beans on toast for tea. He would crave my auntie's attention, if I was speaking to her or showing her something, he would do a "I've done better" to show he was the smarter child. That was just my brother. I haven't even started on my cousins, her actual daughters and sons! One of her daughters, the stubborn one who always plays the black sheep of the family card. Her partner works away a lot so more of my days/nights were spent at her house, helping with her two young boys. This was hard enough without having school/college on top of it all. She basically used me as the human slave and if I didn't do as she says to her standards, she would complain to high heavens about me to her mum, my auntie. She would make out that I was constantly on my phone, not doing work, and making a mess of her house. Which was the complete opposite! I ironed their uniforms every morning, did their pack ups and breakfasts. I bathed them when they came home from school, put them to bed after their tea. I washed the dishes and made my cousin a hot chocolate with Baileys every night then moisturised her legs and arms, gave her a head massage, and was basically treat like a unpaid misuse.

That's not even all of it, I used to hoover her house if I didn't have college that day, help her with the painting, and do her garden with her. She then, when I did have college, told my auntie that I left early even though I did everything and more of what she asked me and she was complaining that I was leaving to meet up with people when I left at the normal time to catch a bus that only went around once to college. The cousin that lived with us, he used to shout from the top of his lungs that I was using too much of the internet so my phone and iPad were both taken from me, even if I was using them to do research for school or college. The other one, she just wanted me for babysitting, I even had to stay off college some days and get sanctioned as she needed a babysitter some days/nights whilst she goes out partying, going to cinema, and meals with her partner. There was only so much I could take of the constant stuff that was thrown my way by that family, I had to leave! I tried telling them at 18 years of age that I wanted to get a house of my own or to get a little flat of my own and they all laughed and said I won't be able to cope and told me I wasn't going anywhere so not to talk about it. I knew I had enough, I wanted to leave, I am going to leave!

Keep checking as the "How I left home" blog will be up shortly.

Keep being yourself.