Abandoned & forward

I always knew I was adopted.remember

So how or when I understood the “word “

Adopted)

I remember being in primary school & telling people I was , again I didn’t know what it meant, I just knew it meant something different to my friends & that gave me a title.

My parents bought us books about special children who had new homes & were deeply loved, I simply just enjoyed the book, not the putting the book & my life as the same .

I also actually don’t remember when I really understood the meaning or who actually explained it to me .

So with this comes a missing part that was a gaps nothing, very difficult to understand or explain.

My parents were firm & loving, life flowed as normal as any other family.

Somewhere I didn’t relate to family members or them to me.

My sister & I were just weird strangers that happened to live in the same house.

I grew up happy, but incredibly different & permanently mis understood.

I remember creeping downstairs one night. As I knew something had changed & heard my parents discussing sending me to boarding school, I was eleven & looking back I didn’t know why or have any particular feelings or fears with there choice.

I ran upstairs & told my sister & neither of us were upset or close, it was a statement!

Not a question or anything we understood.

I had been the fiesty rebellious girl

I believed in my dream s & couldn’t conform to the education system nor my families lifestyle.

I was Charlotte I was going to be an actress a star & I had no feelings for anyone close to me nor I hate to admit cared

I wasn’t nasty I just was me and had no intrest in any one s feelings nor do I think was aware.

I find this difficult to express & explain that part of my adolescence, you see, anyone reading this can say - I was like that .

So only now as an adult I dig deep.

My parents sending me away as actually they simply felt they couldn’t control me, or “understand me”

Made my abandonment issues worse in later life.

I was sensitive & kind, but had no reality of others & where they fitted in .

The more I became the family embarrassment, the more my feelings detached.

@ I say embarrassment because, even sending me away, nobody still from my parents to their friends had a any great news on me .

Chapter 2