A Letter to My Son

Dear Samuel,

Today is your sixth birthday - it doesn't even seem possible that you've been on this earth and in my life for six years (close to seven if you include pregnancy). On the one hand, you are such an intricate part of me, and we are inseparably linked forever. On the other hand, you are your own person, and I am reminded of that with each passing day.

Each year on this day, I don't necessarily reflect on the day you were born or the moment you came into my life. Instead, I reflect on how much you've changed and grown over the course of your life, particularly in the last year, and how I have one less year left with you in my house, physically present in my day-to-day life. That thought is both exciting and saddening. I have learned as a mother that there is a duality when it comes to your growth, aging, and your conquering of milestones.

With each milestone and birthday, in regard to you, I am your biggest fan, cheering the loudest for you, encouraging you, and constantly being proud of you. Genuinely, I mean it when I tell you, "good job," or "I'm proud of you!" However, when I'm left to think about the same milestones from my perspective, it brings happiness and sadness all at once. I want you to grow, but I wish time would move a little more slowly. I want you to gain independence, but I want you to always need me in some capacity. I want you to learn things on your own, but I also want you to need help and for you to not think twice when asking for it. I want you to be my little boy forever, but I want to see you succeed in life and do incredible things all on your own. I want to keep you safe and protect you from the reality of evil in the world, but I don't want you to miss out on experiencing the beauty that life can bring. Truly, I could go on and on.

I am constantly reminded that each time you experience those new things, or those beautiful things, it's my last time experiencing them for the first time with you. And one day, I won't be there for every single new thing or first experience - such is the reality of life. Even so, the duality of motherhood will continue; I will still be proud, I will still be your biggest fan, and I will still be there.

On this birthday, my hope is that when this duality that I'm speaking of strikes you for the first time, you're able to know that happiness is sweeter after experiencing sadness. Achievements and accomplishments are more gratifying after working hard, struggling, and remaining determined in order to reach them. I hope you're able to learn quickly that time is your friend and your enemy, and it is up to us to determine which is which; don't waste all of your time, but don't be afraid to "waste it" when it matters. Love is much more valuable after having your heart broken. Your faith is much more meaningful and real after living and surviving the trials that life throws your way. Money is more valuable after having earned it and worked for it. You realize that real friends and supportive family are irreplaceable after having been burned by the fake ones, or having lost the real ones.

You see, my son, there is a duality for each topic or moment in life that you too will experience, much sooner than I would like. I hope when it comes that I've shown you enough, taught you enough, and given you enough skills to help you navigate, to help guide you. In those moments when you fall short, experience a setback, or fall flat on your face, I will be there to help you pick up the pieces, encouraging you and cheering you on just as I always do when you succeed. I love you son; I love you more than life, and I hope your sixth year is just as beautiful and full of love as you are.

Love always,

Mom