A Guide to Parenting Written by A Teenager

It’s none of my business telling you how to read this but i’ll go ahead and give you some pointers.

Don’t take everything written too seriously, sometimes it’s a joke and sometimes I'm wrong, I'm not an expert.

I don’t have kids, it might be hard taking advice from someone who had never had kids, but keep an open mind and an open heart because as the legend Arnold Schwarzenegger says, “Start wide, expand further, and never look back”.

Last but not least, I don’t know what I'm talking about, although sometimes is may seem like it. You shouldn’t agree with everything written here, as i’m writing this my own opinions have changed. I ask kindly for the reader to kindly consider what is written. Keep my perspective in mind, and keep your own. Don’t let words change your ideas just because they’re written. Don’t put the author on a pedestal just because. Feel free to disagree, It’s encouraged. Authors are just people speaking their mind, whether it be a novel, guide, or tool, it’s always the author speaking what they hold truest to themselves. They are willing to sacrifice their reputation, lack of morality, and trust, in order to communicate and express themselves in the truest way possible. Words mean nothing except to who’s reading and who wrote them.

Note to the reader:

There are things I cannot and will not cover due to my lack of experience in many fields. The Intention of this is to give the reader a window into the modern thought process behind many unanswered and perplexing questions of the human essence. I do not have all of the answers, I will never have all of the answers. I am sure there are things I will have wished I would have added or changed to this, but after all. It is the way that it is for a reason, and that reason, like most things, is beyond me.

Mistakes

Reading too many books and guides

It’s better to trust your instincts than to read vague guides. Guides can be very useful (especially this one) but sometimes it’s important to go with your gut. Don’t forget different people have different styles, don't try to conform to a certain style of parenting if it’s not your type. Use books and articles as tools, not set guides.

Even though licensed psychiatrists and writers label themselves as “experts” remember the only expert is you, because no one knows your child as well as you do.

Parenting will be hard, probably.

Fear not, I will teach you to be the experti-est of all parents. I will illustrate how to raise a great child, capable of giving you lots of money and attention when you’re older. It's like when you gave them lots of money and attention when they were young, but when they grow up and you're old and dried up they can share the same love and attention that was shared with them.

I understand that raising a child can be very hard, not because I've raised one, but because I've been raised, and I was a pain in the ass.

Very important disclaimer.

I will not be listing or talking about any of the dirty tactics used to trick parents. I am not a narc and everyone knows snitches get stitches. These tactics are for you to discover, I will not rat out my generation. I am a man of integrity.

I will not tell you where your son keeps his Skywalker OG Kush and I will not tell you how much I charge him.

Dreamers

As a child, teen, adult, what did you desire? Was it ever changing? Was it ever unclear? Did you think about it almost every day? At least once a day? The hardest questions are often meant to be left unanswered, they are designed to steer us gently by etching themselves into our everyday psyche. In short, the hardest questions often have ever changing answers that demand hard work.

Throughout the process of life i’ve often asked myself the question “what do I desire?”

I don’t know. I’m not supposed to know. I will keep asking myself that question until I forget about it. When I have forgotten, I will have found it, for the will to ask has been fulfilled.

There are those who dream, and there are those who live, and then there are those who work to get lucky enough to live both. What came first? The will to dream, or the success behind the dream? The will to desire.

The Beatles didn’t become The Beatles by thinking about becoming The Beatles, no, they just did that.

Everyone should be raised with a will to dream, it brings out the best in who humans are. It gives meaning to a seemingly meaningless experience.

When I was twelve years old, my mom had bought something that came in an abnormally large box. Eyes light up, a smile creeps, slight arousal. That box is about to be turned into the coolest spaceship this neighborhood has ever seen.

That cardboard spaceship was a dream come true at the time. Complete with a portable toilet and fast firing Nerf guns, I was ready for anything.

And for some time that is what I dreamed about, a cardboard spaceship.

To the best of my ability I tried to make my dream come true, I put in as much effort as I could to make it possible. I’m sure if you’re an adult you’ve seen some crazy little kids building who knows what. All they’re doing is putting their best foot forward to make their dream a reality.

If kids are so naturally keen on fulfilling their dreams, why are adults so different?

No clue.

A naive answer.

I am not an “adult” yet

And I will never be one.

I will be old but I will never exclude myself.

New age adults seem to be bound to the simple ways of thinking, the ideas that seemingly made them succeed in the wake of opposition.

What opposition?

There is none

Opposition is created in the human psyche.

It limits what we think we can do and it prevents us from reigning in our own lives

What’s anyone to stop anyone who’s “fulfilling their dreams”?

A number of things come to mind.

Money

Illness

Loss of Life

Accidents

Miscommunication

Mental Health

Other

This is where those inspirational videos get ya’

At least one other human being on this planet has experienced all and more of the above mentioned and has still found a way to fulfill their desire. That’s the cool part about being alive, as long as you’re alive, you’ve got a chance.

So who’s to say you don’t?

Do parents know what’s best?

Yes, to their own knowledge. What a parent knows is what they know. What parents dont understand is that kids grow up in entirely different worlds, they’re growing up in star wars while you're growing up in star trek, what’s cooler? Depends on who you ask. What makes great parents great is knowing the differences between time periods, often subliminally. However, if the parents determine what’s subliminal and what’s true, it determines a kid’s life. Why not raise your kid on foundations built on love rather than hate? As the movie Mandella states, hate is a learned emotion, it takes time to know how to hate. Hate is not easily determined by what’s surrounding you. Love is much easier for the human brain to understand. Competition, envy, and malice are all forgotten when love is formed. A true love requires complete understanding of the other. It requires a balanced playing field of emotions. Emotions don’t matter when facts are being spoken. A true fact of human nature is that love is easier to understand than hate.

What Do Teenagers Want?

I’m sure you’ve met a lot of little teenage assholes. I know I was, it’s not hard to be an ass. Being a teenager is rough. That may be hard to believe because you’ve gotten past that stage of life, you might have forgotten how hard it was, how much there was to balance. We’re still learning, we’re still growing, teens still look to parents for help, for reassurance, for confidence. Even if it seems like they don’t want your help. They do. They need all the help they can get. When a parent tells their child they understand there’s a moment of reassurance. A place where the child doesn’t feel alone. It’s priceless. If you don’t understand, talk to them, try to understand. Don’t get mad if what they’re talking about seems incomprehensible. It will always make sense if you dig deep enough. Teens often don’t allow their parents to dig deep, they keep their feelings to themselves or relieving them to close friends.

The problems we have seem like really big problems to us. And although the problems we face are different from yours, remember that they carry the same emotions yours did, remember how they made you feel. That’s how we feel. Especially in the age of information where everything can be interpreted through text, speech, and photography, our problems hold the ultimate problem is interpretation. Interpretation is something us teenagers struggle with. How to interpret this, that, the other. It all comes from what we know. It’s all we see, we tend to not look towards the future, to pay attention to the past and the present, we’re taught to hope it’ll be alright. Tell them that there IS a future, there IS more to life than what currently meets the eye. There IS more to find. That’s what we have parents for, to tell us it won’t be alright. To tell us we won’t be teenagers forever. To tell us that one day our dreams will come true, but that they won’t if we spend every night playing video games and eating cheetos. Parents are meant to push us towards the best we can be. The best we can be is ever changing. That’s what we want, guidance and freedom. Freedom to be ourselves, and guidance to be who we want to be. Those two don’t mix very well. Especially if a parent wants their child to turn out a certain way.

The Generational Gap

“The World Is a Cruel Place”

Kids tend to forget the best.

Time flies when you’re having fun.

Fun is a derogatory term.

Fun can determine what a person desires for, fun is a way of letting go from the “real world”

The “real world” is a loose term. The real world is determined by who runs it. But who says real is different from fake. My real could be your fake, that’s the beautiful thing about it. If i can effectively communicate what I believe is real to the person listening, it suddenly becomes real. Everyone comes to an understanding through communication. Human error prevents us from truly understanding each other. Why would you believe you are above an idea someone gives you even if it makes complete sense. If it makes sense, why not adapt it, for that is who you truly are. Don’t lie to yourself. You are what makes the world adapt to yourself. Either speak, or forever hold your infinite wisdom.

What defines a good person? A good child? A good adult?

What defines a good person? Is it work ethic? Is it generosity? No, it’s actually none of those things. A good person is a person who acts in selflessness. A person who acts without expecting a reward.

Our world revolves around school, relationships, having a good time, college, and work. That’s a lot of stuff to deal with sometimes. Our little monkey brains can’t handle it. It’s what’s important to us, it’s the stage of life we’re in. We know that if we do well in this stage of life, the other stages will be more fun and rewarding. We’re also trying to have all of the fun we can right now.

When something doesn’t start to go well, it’s scary.

We feel pressured to do well in life, by ourselves, by our parents, by our friends.

Sometimes it’s good to take a step back and reevaluate everything.

Different kids and how they work

Let’s get into some of the basics, lots of kids work differently because people’s brains are wired in weird wacky ways that make people different from each other.

Let them know it’s ok to be different and push them to do what they enjoy. Letting your thing know they can do anything as long as they do their best and strive to be the best version of themselves is very important. (even if it’s not true) It builds a sense of wonder and creativity within the child, leaving them to wonder about and all those wacky things kids think about. It also pushes them to constantly do what they love even if they aren't good at it.

As Billy Joel puts it “if you aren't doing what you love you are wasting your time”

I’ve seen parents fail at this, wanting their child to do something that the parents think will make them money. Success should be how happy you are with what you’re doing and how you accomplish it rather than working a job you hate and living a life you hate. You shouldn’t base your child’s success on how well he does in school or what career choices he’s interested in. Don’t get me wrong, school and careers are important. It's crucial to establish a good work ethic in a child’s morals. Supporting them in their many endeavors lets them expand their goals and eventually leads them to find something they truly love. Finding something they love is a journey, lots of people find it. Some don’t. Give them all of the tools to find what they really really love.

“The Tools”

No, not like your ex boyfriend’s band. “The Tools” are a category of life lessons I think could improve everyone’s existence. A lotta people might disagree with me on these but just hear me out.

While we’re on the topic of work, let's go over work ethic. Work ethic is how your child works and how determined they are to make that mula (cash money). Work ethic is very important and it’s good to establish this at an early age by making them do all of the chores around the house. I mean all of them. (except the ones they can’t) (don’t constantly make them do chores)

So while you’re relaxing, your kids will be scrubbing away, cleaning any and everything you don’t feel like cleaning. If they ever question your motives, give them the classic “it builds character shtick”. And remember parents, if they’re not working hard they’re hardly working so put those little hands to work.

All this character building will come in handy later on in life when they’ll have to tackle real jobs and tougher ethics. Don’t actually treat your child like a chore slave, that will suck and they’ll hate you forever. Balance it out, find what works for both parties.

Sometimes you don’t want to be who you are

Everyone goes through difficult things in life. That’s life, a mystery. Wonderful things happen, not so wonderful things happen. To a teenager, problems that don’t seem like a big deal can mean the world. They do because it is our world.

If I could quote my brain in the simplest form this is how it’d sound. “Ok this means the world to you right now, it’s very important. Nothing else matters. Make irrational decisions.”

Irrational decisions aren’t cool because they don’t give you enough time to really think about what you’re doing. They can happen very quickly and it takes a lot of “training” to make them happen less often. Making irrational decisions is fun.

Although lacking in fun, Irrational decisions can introduce self realization into the world. I find myself learning the most when experiencing vulnerability. This may be the same for many other people, but it’s how my brain works. The more I learn about life, the more I want to be who I am.

There might come a time when a teenager doesn’t want to continue being the way that they are. This is good. they might be quiet and difficult to deal with, it’s for a reason. The issue might not be very important to you but it’s really important to us.

Us teens also think it should be important to you as well. You’re our parents, sometimes we need people to keep us grounded to be part of who we are. On the other hand, we’re our own, we draw from what is true in our lives. That’s ok. It’s not incorrect. It’s exactly what every adult has done since the end of time. They’ve been their own until it worked out in their favor. All it takes is some style and direction to lead them forward.

Push us in the right direction, love us for who we are.

Parents know best, sometimes they just don’t know how to express it.

Parents have the natural ability to look past the bullshit. They’ll see straight through your lies.

Parents are designed to steer you towards their version of the world. Great wonderful people are formed through the ability to see to the future. The ability to see what the world needs ten, twenty years from now. Although some choose to only influence their own world, some choose to influence the world as a whole. If given the support and the chance, most will. For if a child is given the will to succeed, they will. Nothing holds anything back unless it’s given too much thought. The thought of failing or refusing to be the best is more expensive than the action of accomplishing.

Take for example, a cigarette

Everyone knows what a cigarette is.

It's bad for you, but good at the same time?

The thought given to refuse or deny is more expensive than actually taking.

Unless the gratification is never given or experienced

The mind is more expensive to the brain than the action of doing what is best for the individual.

Nothing the parent says or does can determine what’s best for the individual.

For what’s best for the individual lies within their heart

And that can never be changed

The heart lays, it never rests.

The parent’s job is to influence the heart to the best degree of theirs.

Hate is a learned emotion, love comes easily and naturally to those who have the open mind to experience it.