Why Kindness Is So Important As A PhD Student

Studying for and completing a PhD is no easy feat. As I write this, I’m currently 3 years and 3 months into my PhD, and the finish line is on the horizon. It’s in touching distance. Those who went before me were not lying with their advice that studying for a PhD “is like a rollercoaster”. I’ve experienced incredible highs that have fuelled me forward, but also lows which I felt I may never emerge from. 3 years on, I can look back with a renewed sense of accomplishment and reflect on some of the things I’ve learnt.

The Power of Kindness

Life does not stop because you are doing a PhD. Naive 2020 me believed otherwise. Bereavements, break-ups, and cross-country relocations will still happen regardless of my student-status. Life-changing events will shake you. They’ll disrupt your daily routines and make you question every decision you make.

Studying for a PhD is stressful. Studying for a PhD whilst coping with life events is even more stressful. It would have been very easy for me to criticise my weakened productivity and lack of motivation. During these periods of turmoil, I had lost the lust for research I had when I first started. My spark when deep-diving into analysis had disappeared. Recognising these feelings led to a cycle of guilt, shame, and self-blame which only compounded the stress I was already feeling.

I could of very easily succumb to this cycle of self-criticism. It was the easier option, to give up and accept I’d failed, rather than acknowledge the issue and explore how it could be resolved.

Acceptance

Instead of continuing to berate myself for feeling completely natural and warranted emotions, I recognised that I needed to show myself kindness and compassion. The first step was acceptance. I acknowledged that it’s natural to experience fluctuations in motivation and productivity, especially under stress. I learned to treat myself with the same kindness and understanding that I would offer a friend in a similar situation. This shift in perspective helped alleviate some of the guilt and shame associated with not meeting my own expectations.

Support

Studying for a PhD can be an isolating experience. A PhD project is a labour of love which you nurture with the help of a supervisory team and colleagues, but ultimately, it’s your project. Whilst I do enjoy having autonomy over my research, there’s no doubt that this can be an isolating experience.

I reached out for support. This included talking to my supervisor about my struggles, connecting with fellow PhD students who could relate to my experiences, and seeking professional help when necessary. These actions reminded me that I was not alone in my journey and that seeking help was a sign of strength, not weakness.

Adjusting Expectations

It was now important for me to reassess my own expectations. I wouldn’t expect a car to perform at its best when all the warning lights were flashing and it needed an oil change. So why did I expect myself to work at full capacity when the warning lights in my head were non-stop?

I revaluated my goals and expectations to make them more realistic given my circumstances. This involved setting smaller, achievable targets and acknowledging each accomplishment. By focusing on progress rather than perfection, I was able to rebuild my confidence and gradually reignite my passion for research.

I showed my mind the same kindness I’d show a friend.

Reconnecting to my ‘Why’

To rediscover my motivation, I spent time reflecting on why I had set out on this PhD journey in the first place. Reconnecting with my initial passion for research and the impact I hoped to make through my work helped to reignite my spark and provided a renewed sense of purpose.

I considered the impact that I wanted my PhD to make. How the communities I had worked with had showed me so much vulnerability, kindness, and understanding. Their words of encouragement came to the forefront of my mind. It was about time I showed myself the same level of care.

In sharing these insights, my aim is to offer hope and practical strategies to those who might be facing similar challenges. The PhD journey is as much about personal growth as it is about academic achievement, and sometimes, the greatest insights come from the most challenging experiences.