What It's like to Be Bullied

After spending 14 years of my 20-year life in school I can simply say that these school years were, and most probably are, going to be the worst years of my life. Compared to most people who have experienced school, they can say whether they were one of the "popular" kids, smart kids, "average" kids or just the kids that were never really taken much notice of during their years at school. However, I have only met a handful of people who I know that have been bullied to either nearly the extent that I had been bullied to or some even worse to what I had experience.

I am not writing this for you to feel sorry for me, or for you to think that I need messages of people being there for me when I need someone because through my experiences most people that state they are there for you... are NEVER there for you.

I have been bullied from the age of four but most of the incidents that I can remember are sports of different years of my life. Some I have been told by my parents what had happened and others are the experiences that I think will stay in my mind until the day I die. However, some of the bullying experiences I have haven't always happened whilst being at school, some of the experiences that I remember have actually happened whilst being in a relationship a couple of months to a year after finally leaving school.

Therefore, after being bullied from the age of four, I spent seven and a half years in primary school where most of my "friends" were actually my bullies; usually it was either my friends or a few people who were older than me from what I have been told.

Most of the experiences of bullying in primary school were the extent of people pulling my hair, pushing me, calling me names, telling the teacher I had done something when it was actually them, or just generally getting me into trouble when I was usually either the "goody two shoes" or the "teachers pet." Although being these two things during the primary school years, I never found that the teachers were ever trying to stop the bullying or trying to control the bullying to some extent. However, I'm not really sure whether this experience would be classed as bullying but at the time I associated it with bullying because it was something I was used to. It happened when I was in Class 2 or Year 2. After lunch time our dinner ladies would deal out the cartons of milk for the children in the class; I remember distinctively I hated the cartons of milk, it made my stomach churn but I also wasn't a fan of water. So, one day I have declined a carton of milk like I usually would and I can remember the dinner lady near turning into a tomato because she was getting so angry and red with the fact that I wouldn't drink a carton of milk. Then suddenly, I remember her shouting/screaming at me, telling me off because I didn't want a carton of milk. I think this was the beginning of me becoming the "teacher's pet" because this dinner lady seemed to scared the life out of me, however she did scream at a five-year-old.

However, after this experience I didn’t really go near this dinner lady or I tried to avoid her as much as possible but I can't really remember whether anything happened because of what she had done or everyone just moved on and got on with their lives.

Another experience of bullying I have whilst being at primary school was getting into fights with a girl nearly every day, having her push me, kick me, slap me. Then one day, she didn't live very far so I'm surprised it didn’t happen sooner but one day she started having a fight with me, pulling my hair and pushing me but I think I must have retaliated and then she pushed me to the ground where I hand landed on a piece of glass and cut my leg open. I had to go to the doctor to have stitches to close the wound.

Most of the experiences that I have either happened in secondary school or in a relationship that I was involved in after leaving school. In secondary school I definitely noticed that I didn't really fit in anywhere and that the teachers weren't really bothered about anything that involved bullying or any form of physical contact between the children in the school, until one of my teachers noticed the effect it was having on me after being my teacher for three and a half years before. She had noticed how I had changed and how my personality had changed over the period of years she had known me.

Although she wasn't able to patrol everywhere I went in the school premises, she was able to help how I felt and support me. She has been one of four people who have actually supported me and helped me with what my experiences have been.

For some people, being bullied for 14 years may push them over the edge and having to wait 14 years to find someone to support or help them maybe too long for them. However, I think I was one of the "lucky" ones to not commit suicide yet because of the result of bullying. Don't get me wrong, I thought about committing suicide many times because of what I was being put through but I was also trying to please everyone at the same time so I was always putting other people first instead of myself.