Lost High School Senior

In exactly a week, I start my senior year. It seems to be a fairly big deal because it'll be my last first day. I think I know where I want to head after high school, but I've wasted time being lost and lazy so I will probably have to take a different route to get there.

I'm a pretty good student. All of my teachers seem to like me. I never gave anyone trouble, I always did well. I think that I've lost my way, though.

Usually I stay on track and try to do everything done when it's needed, but usually people take ACT and SAT during their junior year. I've taken the ACT but not the SAT. We have to sign up for the SAT on our own time. I've had plenty of opportunities, just not the motivation. There are three reasons on why I haven't taken it yet: I don't have the motivation, I've been lazy about it, and other things have popped up.

Lack of motivation goes deeper than me, just not wanting to take it quite yet. I can already feel what people mean when they say "you'll miss it," I already do. When I take the SAT, then that'll lead to applying to colleges which makes all of this actually real.

I think I'd rather stay lost a little longer than make this real.

I know what I want to major in, I think. I want to do social work. A few weeks ago, I happened to be talking with someone that works closely with social workers and she asked what I wanted to do in life. I told her social work. She told me it's hard, but, of course, she wished me luck. I hear great rewarding things about social work, but I also hear about how hard, tiring, and stressful it is.

There's one college, in particular, I have been really looking into. It's probably about two hours away from my house. Am I really ready to move out of my parent's house in one year? I don't feel ready at all, maybe I'm alone in that feeling.

Of course, there is that feeling that maybe that social work isn't the direction that I'm supposed to be going in. Do I really think that I can handle the stressful situations that I'm going to be under? I don't know, but I know that it's a rewarding field. I want to help others and I want to make a change. Even if that change is just inside the county I would be working in. Any positive changes made is progress. Social work seems like a good area to be in to help others and make changes.

I'm not ready to have to make all of these decisions. What I decide to do now dictates my entire future.

We're supposed to be applying to colleges early in the year when I haven't even taken the SAT yet. Senior year is too much stress that I'm not prepared for. Stress isn't something that I do well with handling.

It's hard to think that if I didn't get held back in elementary school, I would've graduated this past school year. If I would've graduated then, I would've already made all of these choices. My life would be starting. There's a good chance that I would be a college freshman this school year, majoring in maybe social work. Or, maybe I couldn't have handled the choices and done who knows what.

I wish I could be restarting my freshman year this year, have a fresh start. Just to have a change to take things slower and redo some things along the way. Maybe in another three years I would be better prepared. Maybe not so lost. Sadly, I don't get a second chance. I get this year.

Fingers crossed for a successful senior year.