Easy Convincing Techniques For Winning Arguments

Some of you might love to argue, while some would want to stay away from any conflicts. But regardless of the love-hate relationship with arguments, we have them almost every day of our lives. Arguments develop our thoughts, shape the world around our ideas, inspire others and ourselves, and let us recognize the strengths and weaknesses of our beliefs, morals, and values. Whether you waltz willingly or are forced into an argument, knowing how to convince can be the difference between a win and a loss.

Persuasion is a very difficult feat to achieve because human behavior is very complex and ever-changing. A person who might seem rude to you could be caring towards other people. A person disinterested in your conversation is perhaps interested in talking to another person about the same topic. People have broad personalities that we observe in our narrow vision of their behaviors with us. Therefore, choosing how to convince others depends on how well you understand yourself, the other person, and the nature of your argument.

Keeping these considerations, below I have suggested various tools of convincing that have helped me win arguments throughout my life. While these tools seem very broad from their titles, they are applicable in all different types of arguments: political debates, household disputes, workplace discussions, and beyond. Read each one to see how you can translate them to various specific situations in your life.

A disclaimer: These are not the techniques of manipulation. Winning an argument doesn’t necessarily mean that you prove yourself to be “right”. It means that you resolve your conflict in a productive manner and make your audience (including yourself) convinced about the correct position.

Understand Your premise

The first step to convince others is to be sure of your own ideas. Think about what premise (evidence or reason) you are providing for your argument. Broadly, the premise can be logical, emotional, or interest-based. However, these categories can open up a vast range of further sub-categories that may even be interconnected with each other. For example, your logic in an argument may be based on something that your parents have told you; but, you could be connecting your reason with the emotions that you may have for your parents.

It’s important that you first determine if your premise is based on observable facts, objective/subjective opinions, emotions, or any particular ideologies. If you have an emotional premise and treat it as a logical belief, people may challenge you on a rational basis. At that point, your emotions may show the weakness of your logic, and you might appear flustered to the audience.

You also have to understand the strengths and limitations of your premise. For example, your premise may appeal to the compassionate side of your audience. If you are not aware of this strength, you may deliver it in a tone that invokes negative feelings in people (in a loud voice or with powerful gestures). The same argument may be completely against their feelings of patriotism. If you are not aware of this limitation, others can take advantage of the audience’s patriotism and rile them up against your compassionate preaching.

The more you are aware of your beliefs, the better you’ll understand which premise to use in which situation. You’ll be able to control the flow of conversation and adequately respond to any critique or criticism that may arise on the premise.

Be Mindful of Your Emotions

Emotions play a very important role in arguments. They may be linked to the topic of discussion, the audience, or the premise needed for the argument. The general perception around emotions in arguments is that you shouldn’t show your emotions. This perception is wrong as trying to suppress feelings harms the capacity to think clearly. Instead, it’s more important to understand your emotions.

Find out why you are feeling a particular emotion in the argument. Does it make the argument an emotional argument? Or do you want to argue from a logical standpoint? A better understanding of emotions leads to better performance in a discussion as you will use emotions that support your premise and control emotions that may harm the situation.

For example, if you try to convince someone for an environmental cause and your audience is very unsupportive, you may feel a lot of anger towards their thinking. Suppose you try to suppress it as a “negative emotion”. In that case, you’ll be continuously thinking about being angry. It would harm your ability to provide a convincing argument because you consider your audience as negative or bad people. Instead, suppose you try to understand your anger. In that case, you may realize that it is because you have more knowledge of this subject than your audience. By understanding your privilege, you’d be able to generate feelings of compassion towards others and argue with them in a way that corresponds to their understanding of the world.

Instead of suppressing your emotions, try understanding them. Some feelings can contribute towards your premise, while some can hurt its effectiveness. Even if you think it’s best to stay calm in an argument, calm is not achieved if you are actively trying to suppress your emotions. Understand why you feel what you are feeling and how you can communicate it in the best possible manner, instead of hiding your true self.

Address the Audience’s Beliefs

People have very different outlooks of the world. Something that’s completely logical for you may be completely illogical for your audience. Consider that some people would read 4/2 as “four divided by 2”, but someone who doesn’t know what the divide sign looks like may understand this as “four one two or four hundred and twelve”. Similarly, suppose you are arguing for or against climate change, and you are speaking in a language that only scientists understand. In that case, you may fail to convince an audience of an average level of education.

Understand what beliefs they have about the argument. Identify the gaps in their understanding, if there are any, and try to fill them with your well-structured premise. In this situation, your premise should be based on your audience. If your and your audiences’ beliefs are very different, try to understand their beliefs and how your premise can fit their understanding of the world.

There are more than one ways to argue for the same thing. Once you understand your audience’s beliefs, you have to find out how your narrative will appeal to them. For example, let’s imagine that a person who believes in religious healers argues that all the doctors are lying if they say that vaccines are good. If you tell them that those doctors are experts in their field and so we should respect their opinions, this premise will not convince them. Instead, if you discuss how some religious figures are advocating vaccines, it may start a conversation of their interest or identify the gaps in their understanding of this argument, which you can fill with your narrative.

Take time to understand your audience’s beliefs. Find out what are their ideological, emotional, or interest-based roots associated with their arguments. Doing so will enable you to convince your audience according to their own beliefs.

Appeal to the Appropriate Personality

I was once in a coffee shop, and the customer in front of me and the cashier were having a heated argument. Both were being very rude to each other. The cashier told the lady that he would not fix her order, and I was thinking to myself, “Oh no, I really don’t want to deal with a rude person right now.” When it was my turn, the cashier was extremely nice. So nice, in fact, that I blanked out for a moment as I was expecting him to be in a horrible mood. I started thinking maybe it’s that customer who was a mean person. As I turned to leave, I saw that same person about to leave too. She looked back, opened the door, and stepped to the side, saying, “After you.” I stepped out of that shop, bewildered about what had happened. Who was the villain in that story? I couldn’t understand.

People have extremely broad personalities. Just think about your own self. You may have had moments when you are in an extremely good mood, and even someone saying something horrible doesn’t make you mad. But sometimes, when you are dealing with anxiety, even the simplest discussions can make you angry.

Understand if your audience has an analytical mindset or are they reactive to emotions and their interests. In what frame of mind are they having this argument? In an argument with a scientist, who always talks about hard facts, you may not convince them if you discuss how everything in the world should be fair. On the other hand, if you are talking to a very sympathetic person, they might even ignore scientific facts if the data go against their compassionate side.

Get into Details

You may have observed that when people argue about government policies or political issues, they believe that they understand how the whole world works. Psychologists call it the illusion of explanatory depth. People fail to recognize that their understanding would always have some limitations. This illusion falls apart if their knowledge is put to the test.

You can test people’s depth of understanding by untangling their argument. Often, you would see people with a superficial knowledge of the argument may be very confident in telling you their false premise. What’s important to understand here is that they think that their assumption is true, it makes absolute sense, and they have a complete understanding of the argument. You can throw them off-guard by making them realize that their viewpoint is limited.

Make the argument in a step-by-step manner to convince such people. The more you get into details about their premise, the more they will realize how different concepts link to each other, what will be the result of each step, and in the end, does it really correspond to their cherished beliefs or not. People also have emotions attached to larger concepts. For example, the terms “democracy” and “communism” fire up many individuals’ emotional responses. However, many people have their unrelated personal beliefs, values, and expectations incorporated in each of these terms. Some people may even call others undemocratic only because they have different opinions. By asking them how and why questions, you’ll make them see sense in their argument. It doesn’t mean that your audience will always willingly accept that they were wrong. Sometimes they’ll get frustrated and make blunders that would contribute to your win in the argument.

If Everything Fails

When you deal with human behavior, there is no one set way of solving a problem. You would observe that some people don’t want to admit that they are wrong. Even if they are visibly showing signs of doubt on their beliefs, they may express frustration or unease with the argument. It’s also possible that they try to shift the conversation to other topics. At that point, you have to understand the end goal of your argument. If you require urgent action from that person, then continue the argument. They may be very uncomfortable with it, but it is necessary for you to convince them at that time.

On the other hand, if you don’t want an urgent action from them, instead, you want them to fully understand and support your premise, then take that moment to get out of the argument. Ask them to learn more about your premise on their own. If possible, provide them with some sources of information. Sometimes, to convince someone, you need to leave the person with more questions than they have answers. It would trigger their mind to be curious about these questions. And when they see that you backed out when they were losing, it would show them that you were not an opponent, just a fellow learner. They’ll be more willing to continue this argument with their selves.

Which tools of argument have or have not worked for you? Please share in the comments.

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