Are Men Better Negotiators Than Women?

Meeting room 3 at 14:00 on a Tuesday. The place and time you will make it or break it for you and your company. This contract could be worth millions and you’ll be all set for the foreseeable future.

Arriving 20 minutes ahead of the meeting, you sip from a complimentary coffee in front of the reception. You arrived too early, eager to get into the thick of it.

You are not a very experienced negotiator but you have very strong basics. You know your negotiation style with the strengths and weakness, you did your prep and you understand your leverage position. You are a new company in quite a big market so your position is not the best. You hope your negotiation partner won’t exploit that.

Knowing you’ll meet the Head of Commercial, you wait patiently in the lobby.

Now I want you to imagine the following scenario — You see two people coming towards you in flawless business attire. From your left, a man. From your right, a woman. You know you’ll only meet one person. Not knowing which one, who do you hope will stop and introduce themselves?

It’s always slightly awkward so you don’t have to tell me. But if you thought the woman because she’ll be more understanding, you are not alone.

Let me tell you why.

According to research by professor Janet Shibley Hyde, there is a good chance you fit in the category of “hoping to negotiate with the woman”.

Professors Hyde conclusion is, in short: There is almost no difference in the communication skills during negotiation between the sexes. What is different is the general stereotype and perception that women are more nurturing and understanding, while men are more demanding and tough to negotiate with.

Why is that? Are men better negotiators than women? Do men and women negotiate differently?

These are tough questions with a lot of details behind the answers. I will to my best give you the short answer and sprinkle in my experience.

Are men better negotiators than women?

Simple answer. No.

Better negotiation has nothing to do with gender. It’s do with your experience, preparation, understanding your strengths and weakness and your leverage position. My experience thought me that a beginner can do almost as well as a veteran, given the steps above are followed.

I won’t dwell any more on this part as I believe the point is quite straight forward.

Do men and women negotiate differently?

The answer is not that simple here.

Referring back to professor Hyde’s research, the perception of women being more “soft” at the negotiation table and business in general is what drives this for both men and women.

Unfortunately, the above is true. And probably in the most important aspect — when women negotiate on their own behalf. I’m talking here about your own business, your own job or education opportunities. Women ask less, demand less and settle for less when it’s about themselves.

It might sound strange but this is backed by research. In the book “Women Don’t Ask”, professor Linda Badcock documents through multiple studies this phenomenon.

From the two studies, we can draw the following conclusion — Women tend not to ask questions to avoid the stigma of not fitting within the stereotypes at work.

But here’s the striking difference. None of the above applies when both sexes have to advocate for a third party. This can be a client, a family member or a company they feel connected with.

This tells us that gender plays no role in business negotiations, when we talk about the outcome.

Different paths to the same outcome

Although the above tells us the outcome is generally the same, the way both sexes reach it tends to be different.

I don’t have to tell you that it’s easier to get a positive outcome when talking to someone that is not very “into it”. Or ill prepared. “Just winging it” are my favourite. And they tend to be predominantly male.

Talking here just from experience, women are tougher to negotiate with from a simple fact: they are more organised, are prepared for the meetings and do a very good job at staying on track.

Read back the beginning of the article and have another go. Next time when you are faced with this conundrum, think experience and not gender.