All the ways my PWI fails me as a Black student

Before I start, I do want to mention there are reasons I chose the school I attend, and those reasons still stand. There are many ways I am, nevertheless, happy in my decision. However, that doesn't change the many times I've felt like I was taking up space that was never meant for me.

The first way my PWI failed me, was in the representation of staff of color. I am fortunate enough to be a communications major, which is a department in my university that is predominately staff of color. However, in most required courses I've taken, that was not related to my major, my professors have been White. This issue extends far beyond the inherent need for representation.

In every course I've taken with a professor of color, the discussions are better, the class is more fun, and I've always felt like the professor genuinely cared for me. The professors manage to both hold their students to a high standard while also being understanding if you need an extension. Of the required courses, outside of my major, that I've had to take only two of the professors were people of color. And I just finished my Junior year. One of those courses resulted in me finding my passion in the criminal justice system and set me on my current path to law school.

The second way my PWI has failed me is in the mental health services my school provides. There is not a single councilor of color, and the waitlist to actually receive an appointment is longer than anyone should be expected to wait. Being a first-generation student and carrying the trauma of being a Black woman in America, I have needed my school's counseling services more times than not. I have received help from the counselors a grand total of zero times, and not from a lack of trying.

Most of the time, the wait to receive an appointment was enough for me to give up. I've suffered from anxiety for as long as I could remember. Therefore, seeking help was always a massive step for me. Still, being met with the even greater challenge of actually receiving the support, I asked for, deterred me from ever seeking it again.

The final way my PWI has failed to support their students of color is in their mission statement. Claiming to stand for equity and inclusion, every email I have received in the past 2 weeks has been a promise to uphold that mission.

But why must you Black students come to you with tears in their eyes, begging you to reconsider finals for you to understand the trauma we are carrying at this time? Why must you wait for the Black Student Union to call out your hypocrisy for you to admit your faults? Honestly, why must the students reach out to you for you to hear our voices? That seems backward. If you are genuinely for inclusion, why must we beg for our voices to be heard?

Too often do POC have to find their small pockets at their university to find acceptance. I must become so unapologetically Black because you expect me to apologize in the first place. You want me to wait for my turn to have my voice be heard. You say you stand with us as we protest, but I don't see you. You say you stand with us in solidarity, but you never arrived at the fight. You wait for it to be over and then claim your pride in your students' actions. Stand for us by actually standing with us.