How to talk our way out of it

For me, it's extremely frustrating to think that, for every positive action I make to reduce my own impact, someone out there is turning it into, well, a farce. Some days, this gets to me more than others.

I have a friend who, for every piece of single-use plastic I dodge, he competes to offset it with his own consumptive waste.

I have a colleague who knows that I choose not to eat meat or fish, but will always try and goad me into ordering steak.

We must all be familiar with this kind of culture clash.

Imagine, for a moment, that half of us are concerned with preserving and protecting what we have. The other half, for whatever reason, thinks at best that those actions are a mixture of naivety and nonsense.

How do we begin to reason with people whose views seem absolutely abhorrent, and is it even worth the effort? Yes, it is.

I wholeheartedly believe that by changing the environmental attitude of just one person, we can double our own positive impact.

I believe that alongside making our own meaningful adjustments to our lifestyles and habits, to double our impact we must also do what we can to make sure that others get on board too. I call this the 1+1 method.

Humanity is a lake, and we are but a small ripple. Small ripples grow to become big waves.

We can, quite literally, talk our way out of disaster, and this is how to do it.

1. Lose your prejudice.

We've had a lot of really big issues to talk about: Wars, elections, pandemics, economic shifts, and environmental disasters. I'm sure we've all had a lot of arguments over each of these subjects already.

After many of these combatant discussions, I've heard people write off their former friends and acquaintances as 'uneducated', saying, "They've no excuse".

I no longer agree. We've all been educated, but no two of us on this planet have attended the same 'school'. Instead, we're shaped by our prior experiences, our privileges, and our exposure to others' viewpoints.

An unavoidable step towards establishing meaningful discourse is to acknowledge this difference, without condescension, no matter how impossible this seems.

This simple action won't make you a sympathizer or a climate-denier. It means that you're no longer hostile towards the other person and can begin to connect.

2. Listen.

There's grace in attempting to understand someone whose views you oppose.

If you truly give someone else's words the respect that comes from being listened to, even if you vehemently disagree, then you too stand a better chance to be heard in return.

Not only that, but now you're properly paying attention, you can begin to deconstruct the argument.

Why might they think this way?

What has led them to believe the things that they do?

Why is this issue important to them?

What might they be afraid of?

Fear is one of the biggest behavioral drivers. Often, we reveal more about ourselves, and our own concerns and beliefs, as opposed to anything objective about the discussion itself.

Here's an example. I have a family member who strongly opposes government legislation to clean up industry and transportation. I came to realize that he believes it to be a catastrophic attack on jobs and livelihoods.

As soon as I understood his core belief, I could begin to break down what cleaner air might mean for the opportunities of the average, hard-working citizen.

Before figuring this out, my 'attack' focused solely on why he was wrong, and that dirty pollutants needed to go. Also, if I'm being honest, I didn't think that his point of view was considered or nuanced. As you might guess, I got nowhere with that approach.

3. Be sensitive.

Shouting someone down is a terrible strategy - believe me, I've found this out through trial and error.

So don't waste your breath on what's not going to work.

I wish I'd had the intelligence to figure this out by myself, but my lightbulb moment came a few weeks ago while listening to a podcast featuring Tara Westover (who, while not on topic, is a living example of how people can change and evolve when challenged in a compassionate way).

Her wisdom?

Don't attack the person, only the idea.

This simple distinction turned out to be the catalyst in her own mental transformation, and it's a further example of why casting someone as an 'idiot' won't do you or our planet any favors.

4. Educate yourself.

The reason that we're not totally oblivious towards our own planet's situation is: Scientists. Those people wearing white coats (at least some of the time, I presume) who spend the best years of their lives enriching the best years of ours.

And the single best thing we can do for them in return is to pay attention to what they're saying.

Aside from this eternal debt towards science that we will all forevermore carry, research and preparation are critical to presenting your argument.

Do you know what happens to your garbage after it's collected?

Do you know what percentage of local waste is recycled?

How clean is your water? What impact does your local industry and community have on your nearest river?

Anecdotal evidence ("I once saw..." or "They always seem to..."), while it might give your discussion a personal touch, cannot be relied upon by itself. It holds little weight, simply because without irrefutable evidence, it can always be countered with another, opposing anecdote.

Learn how to spot and call out an anecdote for what it is.

5. Adapt.

One line of reasoning won't work on everybody. If you can't get through to someone, then your angle needs to change.

It is too easy to fall into the trap of focusing too heavily on how you feel and what's important to you. Instead, it's better to flex that creative brain to find an approach that will resonate the most with the listener, and better still, get them to care.

I'm sure that every climate-denier, landfiller, and those with XL footprints have been told to think of the future for their children or grandchildren when considering their impact.

Of course, we'd all do whatever we could for those we love, and the people on the other bench are not monsters. However, the argument fails if you don't first establish why it is necessary to change.

For some people, an economic argument extolling the financial benefit of clean industry or of avoiding expensive disasters might resonate. For others, it might help to talk about local destruction that they've been a witness to and the impact that's had on their community. Use your head and find the angle that matters most to them.

6. Lead by example.

Leftie. Sandal-wearer. Bean burger. Hippie. Bore. Outsider. Weirdo.

Being environmentally sensitive needs an image change. Demonstrate daily that the way you lead your life is rewarding, enjoyable, and fulfilling.

It's not a huge inconvenience to reuse bags at the store, and it's not one big headache to properly recycle. Instead, it's a joy to ride a bike instead of sitting inside a car. It's a true privilege to turn a homogenous lawn into a native wildflower meadow.

Your happiness and your environmentally-conscious lifestyle live hand-in-hand, so show the world how pleasurable this simplicity can be.

It's more persuasive than you might think.

7. Give it time.

Change doesn't happen overnight. Stay focused on the goal at hand: doubling your sustainability impact by bringing one more person on board.

We are always being told that the clock is ticking for the planet, and this is true. But allow yourself a little more patience and a little less frustration when asking others to change their way of life.

With this 1+1 approach, we can quite literally double our efforts and all get on the same path towards planetary restoration, security, health, and happiness.

And me? I'm getting better at listening. But only because our survival depends upon it.