The Fear of Rejection

I've been doing some scary things lately. These are things that I have been putting off. I didn't quite realize I was putting them off, but now that I'm through to the other side, it's clear that I was.

I've recently finished editing my debut novel. It's the most complete manuscript to date, it's as polished as it could be, but I could have had it done 2 months ago if I just had the gall to do it.

Now, why was I putting it off?

That much is simple: The fear of rejection.

If I never would have finished, If I never would have brought it to the point where it needed more eyes to find flaws, I wouldn't have to worry about the potential gut punch. In a sense, my ego was getting in the way of my growth, but now there's no going back.

Currently, my book is out there. It's in the hands of some talented writers who are going to let me know what's going right and what's going wrong. Their feedback will be essential in my next round of edits, and I'm excited, scared, proud, and nervous, all at the same time.

I knew, that once I put my work out there in any capacity, I needed to prepare myself for people to tell me: "It's bad."

That's not something anyone wants to hear, but it's something sometimes we need to hear. So, let's talk more about it.

I was faced with rejecting someone yesterday, and it had me feeling so horrible. I am in a writer's Facebook group, and when discussing where to go next with my manuscript, many people suggested I get some outside eyes to beta-read my book. I swallowed my pride and said, "fuck it," it was time.

I was then referred to multiple Facebook groups for beta readers and critique swaps. I posted my little synopsis, word count, and what I was looking for. Then, I got a bite.

It was a budding, young author with a compelling story about coming of age, womanhood, and female empowerment. The person wanted to swap manuscripts for critique. Awesome!

We decided to start off with a handful of sample pages. I sent mine, they sent theirs, and we were off to the races.

Unfortunately, upon reading the other author's sample pages, it was evident that we were not a good match for the sole reason that their work was not ready for this step in the process. Some issues included: multiple quotes from different people in the same paragraph with no dialogue tags, run-on sentences, and a lack of clarifying punctuation. It was hard to follow their story.

It's difficult as writers because we know what we are writing so well. We can see it in our heads. We know who's talking. We're grounded in that world. It's essential we use the correct language and grammatical conventions to convey what's on our mind to the pages. This story wasn't able to do that. It simply needed more work.

My stomach dropped. I knew I was going to have a send a message that this person was not expecting. I decided to go above and beyond, and I still do not know if what I did was a good idea, but I did it with the intention of aiding this writer in their future endeavors.

While it was intended to be a beta read, I ended up going through their sample pages, line by line, tracking changes, making edits, and leaving developmental notes. It took me two hours to do. I then messaged the person a long message as kindly as possible, explaining the them the reasoning for why I did what I did and why we couldn't continue in this partnership.

I was left on read, which is completely understandable. I'm saying all of this because it was a big lesson for me. I know I am ready to handle the negatives that may come from my beta readers. I've put it off, I've mentally prepared, and I know what critique entails to its fullest extent.

However, I've learned that some people might not realize what it actually means to have their work under a critical eye. I feel really bad that I had to say these hard things to this writer, but if no one tells them, how will they grow?

It's difficult putting your heart and soul into something only to realize it's not where you thought it was. While stories are important, if the grammatical mechanics aren't there, the story will not be able to shine. If you are getting ready to undergo critique, make sure you have a comprehensive understanding of what that means. Know that your critiquers are not coming for you to be mean, but to aid in your process. Keep an open mind, but shield your heart. You must be past the fear of rejection.

I hope I did the right thing. I really feel I did the right thing. But there is still this pounding guilt inside of me knowing that I hurt someone's feelings.

With that, here are the questions one needs to ask to know if they're ready for critique:

1. Have you self-edited for spelling?
2. Have you read through it so many times that you are having trouble seeing what might be going wrong?
3. Have you made sure your work follows all proper grammatical conventions?
4. Are you prepared to hear things you don't want to hear?
5. Have you moved past the fear of rejection?