12 Days of Christmas Movies: "'Christmas with the Kranks' is a movie that was made..."

The film opens with your typical American couple, Luther and Nora Krank (played delightfully throughout by Tim Allen and Jamie Lee Curtis). They are sitting up in bed welcoming a bright, new morning in the most sullen way possible. And who can really blame them? Their adult daughter, Blair, (played by Joann Gonzales) has just joined the Peace Corps. and is leaving that day to begin her first assignment... and inevitably missing Christmas with her family for the very first time.

Though the Kranks clearly support their child's ambition, the atmosphere for the rest of their day remains gloomy and disheartened. Especially for Luther Krank, who appears to be going through some tough growing-pains himself: all centered around the fact that his little girl is no longer with him.

After a series of quick checks with his trusty calculator, Luther makes a shocking discovery regarding their holiday traditions - they easily dropped over $6,000 the previous year! A little more financial sleuthing leads our intrepid father-figure to another shocking discovery - they could easily save $3,000 by taking a cruise for just the two of them. However, there is one strict tradition: they have to skip Christmas altogether.

Now, while the concept is intriguing enough and the film's set up is strong, I can't lie to you: I did NOT like this movie when I first saw it.

While the acting is entertaining enough - I come for Tim Allen and Jamie Lee, and I STAY for Tim Allen and Jamie Lee - the overall tone is unbalanced and at times jarring. A lot of ham-handed emphasis is placed on the fact that this movie is supposed to be a comedy, to the point where the jokes tend fall flat due to lack of proper set-up, or are dragged out so long that they stop being funny very quickly.

Characterizations are equally uneven and lampoon-ish to the point where any signs of emotional depth are completely overshadowed by increasingly unrealistic shenanigans. For the first two acts of the movie, you can't help but feel a sense of solidarity for Luther and Nora Krank. Their reasons for wanting to skip the holidays this year are perfectly understandable: Christmas won't feel like Christmas if their family isn't together. On top of that, all the extravagance that surrounds the festive prep-work - hanging lights, putting up their "Frosty" (which I'm fairly convinced is the devil incarnate), caroling and party-planning - can feel overwhelming and terribly expensive... especially if their child isn't around to enjoy it with them.

But those reasons, as relatable as they are, doesn't stop their pesky neighbors from butting in. In fact, they're not just butting-in... they resolve to essentially terrorize and hold the Kranks as holiday hostages until the couple's December 24th flight. I feel like the twisted nature of this aggressive holiday cheer should be self-explanatory, but I'll say it anyway:

The best way to spread Christmas cheer, is NOT to force it down someone's throat... especially if they're missing their family.

For this reason, the movie seems to be commenting on the supersaturation of "the Christmas Spirit," and how it's true meaning of peace and goodwill towards all are, ironically, lost in the shuffle of promoting peace and goodwill towards all. This aggressiveness only makes us side more with Luther's growing antics as he attempts to fight fire with more fire: we want him to stand his ground and make it to his Nora's couple's vacation!

But then the shoe finally drops when Blair calls and announces a surprising turn of events: she's become engaged! Then the other shoe drops just as quickly: she's coming home for Christmas! This prompts Nora Krank, who clearly had reservations from the beginning, to drop the cruise idea completely and set off on a mission to save Christmas (so that their daughter never finds out they tried to skip it in the first place).

First thing's first - may not have any children, but even I know keeping big secrets from them is no way to build a healthy parent-child relationship.

Second - the script then whiplashes into making Luther into the 'bad guy' of the story, while their town of Mrs. Kravits' become the blatant heroes. Rallying together, they sacrifice their own Christmas Eve plans to prepare a special welcome-home party for Blair and her new boyfriend. Luther, meanwhile, spends the next 20 minutes (of the last 25 minutes of the film) pouting over the fact that he will be missing his precious holiday cruise.

You see, despite the ham-fisted jokes and wacky going-on's, this movie at least had me for the majority of it's run-time, because of what I thought was supposed to be it's message of 'too much of a good thing.' But then, in the last half of the final act, it feels as though the producers decided to go in the safest direction possible by playing up this 'community coming together' angle to promote 'the true meaning of Christmas!'

To put it very bluntly: the film makers chickened-out

If that wasn't evident enough, I would also draw your attention to the fact that they shoe-horned in a small conflict regarding the Krank's elderly neighbors, allowing Luther to quickly redeem himself before the credits roll. Now don't get me wrong: I love the idea of him giving up his dream vacation to a truly deserving couple who may be celebrating their own last Christmas together. It just feels wrong here because they don't feel very deserving of it: they seem like nice enough neighbors, but we barely see them for 15 minutes throughout the 90 minute run-time! We know that the men-folk hate each other, but that's about all we know for certain.

On top of that quick and lackluster redemption-arc, there's also a forced cameo of Santa Claus himself who is miraculously invited to the Krank's Christmas Eve party. We won't even attempt to tackle the logistics of that completely random coincidence, partly because that twist was never properly set-up, and partly because I'm usually at my wit's end by this point in the movie.

So, what's the verdict?

Well, in my own opinion, Christmas with the Kranks is a Christmas movie that was made. It was released in 2004. It stars two powerhouse actors, who serve as the only saving-grace for me. And it's got a lot of interesting things to say about the holidays... it just can't seem to decide on what exactly.

While I don't think it's particularly good, it's at least entertaining enough that I don't outright hate it anymore. Mainly because my mother likes it, so we watch it every year for her. If it makes her happy, then I can swallow my own "Bah-humbug's" for a little while. Because that's what the true meaning of Christmas is all about...

(Also I just have to say it: the over-sized 'Frosty' decoration is one of the tackiest things I ever seen.)

-12/10/23