This Skin

I once had a conversation with someone about whether or not we were pro-black. Our race does have a lot of work to do to heal ourselves because nobody else will do it for us. But when it comes down to it, I know for a fact that I'm pro-black. Not anti anything else. Just pro-black. I want what's best for us an entire race. I have no shame in that. Other cultures can stand proud in who they are, and we don't just have that right. It's a necessity. We have to build each other up and work together.

I have a son. I have cousins, uncles, friends, and coworkers who are black men. Beautiful black men. Kings. I admire how smart and strong they are. I admire their individuality. Their distinction. From the way they choose to wear their hair to the shoes that are a must for their wardrobe. How they argue about sports and music. How they are staples in the home. They are leaders, cloaked with so much strength and power. The whole world takes the words, music, and styles they create, yet turn around and hate them after appropriating almost everything about them. Everything about us.

That's why it sickens me to my core every time I have to read about unarmed black men being murdered or falsely imprisoned and then blamed for what they did or didn't do as if there was justification for their slaughter. It's like, bring up the past of a black man, try to show that he has a history of criminal activity, and then show the world that you were so afraid, your life was in so much danger and you had to protect your community from this wild terror, right? This monster.

Our race has been through so much trauma as a whole. Everybody is fully aware of that. Even though I didn't live it, I always, always think back to slavery. No matter how we view it, it is a part of who were are as a culture and something that we can't just run from. It has shaped this country and how we are viewed. We were separated from our families. Beaten. Sexually and mentally abused. Treated just like the animals that white people thought we were. White people are quick to say, "Oh that's over. We're racially progressive. Everybody is the same. I don't see color. I'm not racist, I have black friends. Stop making things about race." Well, it is about race. It's all about race. The fact that you look at a black man and consider him to be a threat from the first time you lay eyes on him shows that you see color and you're afraid of it. Well, I'm afraid of what the world is capable of doing to us, especially to black men.

There's this idea that if only we had listened to simple requests or didn't try to resist, incidents wouldn't escalate. What angers me about that is the fact that we don't owe anybody the right to listen to their simple requests. Stay out of our business. Don't approach me. Don't "try to be nice." We didn't ask for that. If we are minding our business, what right do you have to disrupt that? That's something I really have an issue with. It's like the majority feels as if they own every space that they take up, and we just exist in it. We get the cops called on us for just being black in certain spaces, as if our blackness is unacceptable. White people can riot after a hockey game. It won't even be called a riot. They can protest gun laws. There's so much more they can do without worrying about if they will make it home.

I'm frustrated with this underlying notion that we as a people have to adapt to the white world in order to be accepted and in order to not be harmed. Black men shouldn't have to feel like they have to let police, or whoever wants to act like the law, just do or say what they please so they can live to see another day. All of the harrassment. The racial slurs and subtle biases in order to knock black men off their throne. They shouldn't have to tolerate that. Any white man can ask why he's being stopped on the highway. He can question the police with no problem. Let a black man do the same thing. Next thing he knows, his car is being searched, and he's being accused of being a drug dealer. Then he has to step out of the car. All because he wants to know what he was being stopped for. Disgusting.

I'm tired of having to say yet another name or show solidarity through a hashtag or an attack to show that we're rising above this. It's a major issue that we get blamed for just for being alive, just existing. Why can't our people exist without being antagonized. It's bad enough that we don't know exactly where we come from and that we are constantly discriminated against. We are victims to systematic racism and made to feel like we don't belong in spaces that we most definitely do. Privilege doesn't equate to competency. And like I said, black people don't owe it to anyone to play nice. What we do deserve is to be left alone to live the lives that we've worked to build. We deserve to occupy more positions of leadership and have our voices heard. We deserve to be able to take on certain careers without being subjects of racism because we are minorities.

Every time I hear about an incident, it's like living through a horror story. What will I tell my children? How can I ensure that they are safe when they go out into the world without me? How can I not lose sleep when my future husband is out just trying to have a good time? How much more cautious do I need to be without living a life filled with anxiety and fear? How much longer will I feel like we are being punished for being in this skin?