The Book of Revelation

I carry around many secrets, and since you’re here, I guess I might as well tell you a few of them. That’s the funny thing about me.

As a rule, I tend to be very closed off, but there are some rare occasions when I’m a completely open book.

Depends on how you look at me.

I guess now is one of those times… when I’m a completely open book that is.

Let’s go to a place where we can be alone; we don’t need anyone else in our business right now. Your room would suit me just fine, thank you. Sure, pour yourself a drink, light your cigar, just don’t touch me with your dirty hands. Wash your hands please, you’re getting grease and dust all over me.

Are you ready for me to change your life? Now, get comfortable, because you’ll have to go deep before we get to the good stuff. Oh, good idea, yes, turn the lamp on brighter so you can get a really good look at me. No, now is not the time to close your eyes, I know you’re tired, I know you’ve had a long day, but things are just starting to get good!

Oh!

You saw that?!

That made you sit up so fast!

Now you’re paying attention.

That’s right. It’s scandalous.

Now you know who really killed Mayor Ketchum 5 years ago. Is not that the craziest thing you’ve ever heard? And all the people at the church picnic that Sunday, complimenting Mrs. Ketchum on her fabulous barbecue! If they only knew who they were eating. That’s not all, his wife was the one who robbed the bank, and ran off with that wanted gunslinger, Bill something. Word is that she went on and killed Bill, cut all her hair off, dressed like a man, and turned him in for the cash reward. She’s wanted in 10 states. The only problem is, she’s a master at disguises.

Her favorite disguise is the friar.

Oh! She loves that one.

You can get away with so much pretending to be a holy person. In California, which is basically Mexico, she blends in well because of her naturally dark hair. All she has to do is get some robes, a fake mustache and a vow of silence. That’s how she cleaned out the banks and some of the best gold mines out there.

You know what she’s been doing with some of that money? Well, she sends money to those suffragettes and all their causes. Anonymously, of course. Apparently, money is not enough for her, she also wants to vote. Well, what do you expect from a heartless muderess? Power hungry woman.

Oh. You’re about to hear my best secret yet.

She hasn’t spent all her money, she has a nice egg put away.

That’s right.

On the next page you will find the exact directions to the location where you can find $20,000. Of course, the messy part is that it is buried along with a body, no one important, just some old gold miner who knew too much. It’s all the way in California, but then again, it’s $20,000, no small sum in the year of our Lord, 1890.

So, are we going to California or what? The banks will have given up the search by now.

That’s right, get dressed, hurry!

Now, aren’t you glad you picked me up off the floor in the dining car yesterday? Turns out a little black book can turn your fortune around.

And you thought you were just robbing a train.

But you better keep me hidden in your pocket, Mrs. Ketchum is still looking for me, and you better look out for her...

after all, I carry all her secrets.