Rita~Louise

My longtime and so empathetic BritBud, Cj and my bff Kristen Balyeat asked me how I can write and sketch so many 'Goofs' after all that I've been through. My Honey's, we all have a little sh*t in us and find our ways of escape; however the road may lead us.

*This from Caroline Jane O'Hanlon after reading in 'Criminal' my "Victims~Too" - Which I would never have written if it hadn't been for the encouragement of our Pastor Randy: "Holy shit Jay. I have no words. I am so very very sorry this happened. How you keep your humour is astonishing, Truly. For what little it is worth you have my love." ❤️

- This may be disturbing to some. If so please delete now: For some reason, I felt the need to share it with y'all.

Like some of you, I normally don't remember my dreams, especially after my nightly meds and I usually don't even remember to get up to pee. But this one I did..! A very bad dream and I tossed and turned the rest of the night because I just couldn't fathom it; where the hell did this come from?

The Dream:

Rita had all sorts of large round tables and chairs setup with strangers playing card games; at least a dozen of them scattered around our gorgeous house. I knew nothing of this and as I came out of the bedroom, half naked from a shower, I just couldn't believe my eyes, such a surprise, I felt my privacy was so invaded. I immediately called the cops and screamed for them to come right over to avoid a highly agitated domestic dispute; which we've never had anything like that before, ever..!

I left her a note on the the halltree table that 'I'm moving out' and how could she possible betray my trust like this?' Certainly very trivial, but there may be a little insight into this dream, as a 'Shrink' might say?

In the note I said that, 'I never Loved anyone as I Love you, I'm very mad-at-you, how could you possibly get yourself murdered like that!' I know that's just a horribly - unimaginable way to even think, but I really was mad at her - still am! She knew the 'killer' co-worker, Keith Green, was noodging and following her around all the time at the dialysis clinic where they worked, in an attempt to get with her, even though he knew she was happily married: The entire staff knew of this. I'd go there several times a week to just bring her lunch. But, she would always say, Quote: "I'm a big girl and can take care of myself." Even though Green was a 6'4 butthead!

After all of this and before the trial. I went to a B.S. Shrink, Dr. Lustiq. I mention his name because our group therapy consisted of an entire list of well known celebrities including R.J. Wagner after the 'murder' of his wife Natalie Wood. Lustiq would just sit there and suck on his pipe thinking he was such a big-shot and taking-in his celebrity group with vigor!

So, why am I picking on him so much. His motto was, Quote: "Sex-Money & Power" and he was surrouded by it: He told me, blatantly, "Don't set Rita up as a Saint, block all of this, it will be easier to forget." My only regret was that I didn't punch-him-in-the-nose after that! How dare him - what a 'Schtunk!' That ended my Shrink sessions!

Am I whining? Am I feeling sorry for myself? Yes, I am! But, as said, this needed to be told: As the late-great Beach- Boy, Brian Wilson, once sang, "I've been thinking about this far too long!"

Thank you VillageBucket for always having my back..!

— I miss you, Rita Louise —

Jay Kantor, Chatsworth, California

'Senior' Vocal Author - Vocal Village Community -