Rags to Riches

Every time I think my life couldn’t possibly be any better, POOF! WHAM! KAPOW! It becomes more heavenly. It didn’t start that way, not by a long shot. I was born into a dirt-poor family, the middle child of seven brothers and sisters. We usually had at least one meal a day during the summer and three when school was in session. All my clothes, from underwear to shoes, were hand-me-downs from my older siblings. My parents possessed no special skills, so they earned a living as day laborers. It looked like life had dealt me a losing hand from the start.

The school didn’t like me, and I didn’t like it until my junior year. I was required to take a course in comparative government and a course in computer science. Why I needed to know about my government and how it functions made no sense to me. How does knowing about its various branches and then comparing it to other countries’ governments help me earn a living?

Computers were as necessary to my existence as a tennis racquet. Our family not only didn’t own a computer, but we also had no internet access. Strange how the things that seem the most useless can become a person’s most valuable assets. Please let me explain.

For some inexplicable reason, computers and programming came naturally to me. Lines of code spiraled through my mind, the way an eagle dips and swirls through currents of air. My instructor recognized my talent and placed me in an advanced course for gifted students. By the end of my senior year, I was teaching the class. We never got a computer at home. I would write code longhand at the house and enter it during the day at school. One would think that possessing such a talent would be my ticket to any university in the land, but that was not the case.

It was politics that taught me how the real world works. A dirt-poor kid from a rural school without social or athletic standing had no chance of taking a wealthy kid’s spot at a prestigious school. The old saying about one door closing and another opening is true.

It took time and multiple low-paying jobs, but I could finally purchase a top-of-the-line computer. Next, I developed a code that allowed me to access extensive networks of people’s personal information. Most people know next to nothing about their government and its enforcement powers. I used this lack of knowledge to my advantage.

My first ruse was to call thousands of people via the phone company’s servers and tell them their social security number was now suspended. To reactivate the number, they would need to provide personal information plus a credit card to cover the reactivation fee. The scam was successful initially, but then it was time to move on.

I went from social security numbers to threatening legal action if they did not pay bogus fines. From there, I moved to pitch fake car warranty policies that made me a multimillionaire. My computer network is vast because I use malware to infect people’s devices, giving me control without the owner ever knowing. Have you ever returned a call from an unknown number only to hear the person on the other end swear they never called you? Well, they didn’t. It was one of my programs contacting you.

Yes, it’s been quite a journey, from a run-down shack with barely enough food to survive to a mansion with a pool, luxury cars, and more money than I know what to do with. I’ve carved out a little piece of heaven right here on Earth.