Our Blind Eye

Murder is a terrible thing. Even more so than we pretend we know. We see these stories, hear about these atrocities happening and we barely even break from our routine. It’s our blind eye. We as a society, we like to believe in Karma. Believe that when people do something bad, I mean like really bad, that their life will crash into tragedy just around the corner. We like to believe that their just desserts are always waiting for them just down the road. Maybe society is right. Maybe revenge is right there, just down the road. But some of these assholes like to fly. Some of these demons are up in the sky, avoiding these roads all together. Yet here we are, blindly staring up at the sky seeing nothing but clouds. We like to believe in karma, I’m sure some people thank us for that.

Raul could barely keep him self standing he was so nervous. The panic in his heartbeat, the fear pulsating through his blood with every out of control beat. Never has anything had such an effect on him. But here this window was, turning Raul into a blizzard. Frozen and in a fury at the exact same time. Raul was five foot eight inches tall. He weighed about one hundred and eighty pounds. He had graham cracker like skin and his hair would range between a short fade and a messy looking mop head as he was lazy and would only get haircuts every so often. At the moment he was much closer to mop head than he was fade. There was nothing particularly special about Raul or his life up to this point. But in this point Raul had recently lost his job. Living at home and waiting for the next bottom feeder hiring manager to fill some labor, Raul fell into a dangerous rabbit hole. He ran through one murder documentary after another. While some of us might view these with feelings of disgust or confusion, he viewed these with a superiority complex. From documentaries to video and audio interviews of these serial killers. He could not understand what made them worth all of this content. Why do they deserve a multi-episode docu series? Each new video made his lips tighten and his gaze burn hotter. “Such foolish mistakes, if this was me I would have never made those. They would have never caught me” he thought. Without even realizing it Raul started playing with a butterfly knife that he had gotten years ago while watching these videos. For years he had just kept it in a drawer in his room but in a matter of weeks he now had it on him at all times. At five foot eight one hundred and eighty pounds Raul was definitely far from a big man. But staring at this window, left wide open, he was big enough to be able to get through it. Still frozen in nervous adrenaline, Raul looked around. He sees nobody. There is nothing special about this house. He doesn’t know the building, nor does he know who lives inside. But without his awareness, Raul has become obsessed. It is slightly dark out. Bright enough to see, but not bright enough to identify. The side of the house where this window has been left open is pretty blocked off from the rest of the neighborhood. Raul feels like he has been standing in this spot for an hour. He looks around one more time, surely this world will tell him no. Again, he sees no one. Already exhausted, he finally takes one tiny step forward. This is the first time he has felt happy since losing his job. He slowly creeps right up against the window, there are blinds blocking the view of the inside of the house. Raul’s excitement once again turns to fear. He can’t help himself, he has to peek inside. Afraid of the person waiting for him as soon as he peeks, Raul is ready to take off as fast as he can. Still even with cowardice, he splits open a few blinds and looks inside. Nobody. The room is empty. It’s some kind of bedroom or guest room. Raul slowly moves all of the blinds and as carefully as he can he climbs into this house. Just like that, as soon as both his feet touch the ground he realizes all the fear he was feeling did not enter in this house with him. Raul is experiencing bliss.There is no turning back now.

Sitting one room away from Raul in his office is Carlos. Carlos is writing notes in his little black book. Carlos can only write in this book when he is home alone because he is hiding it from his wife and the rest of his family. Nothing to sinister, in fact it’s quite the opposite. Carlos and his wife have two kids and about 7 years ago he decided to create a savings for his two kids. Something he could gift them when the oldest turned 20. He wanted it to be more special than just handing them money though. So he decided to buy this Moleskine notebook and start writing down one beautiful memory after another. Anytime one of his kids did something that stood out, anytime they had a major accomplishment, and anytime his wife did something above and beyond for their kids he would write it down. He would include his feelings and explain how truly proud of them he really was. He would write out how lucky he was to have his wife be the mother of his children, how lucky they were. Even though the money would just be for his children, he knew this would be special for his whole family. After 7 years of hard work he had saved up $20,000 dollars. To some that may seem like a lot. To others not so much, but realizing he was able to do this while keeping it hidden from his wife you know he was saving every penny he could. Carlos was in a comfortable middle class now, but he had a rough start as a young adult. He wanted to make sure his kids never had to go through the same. Writing about his youngest kids last play, and how he never wanted his kid to forget how much work and preparation they put into it before the big night. Carlos wanted them to be proud of that preparation. Hard work like that will translate your entire life. Carlos was so wrapped up trying to be as kind and as influential as he could in this passage, that he was completely oblivious to the devil like tension absolutely filling this room.

Raul squeezing his entire body so tight its a miracle he was even able to move at all as he took one silent inch forward through the frame of this office door. He was staring directly at the back of Carlos’ neck who seemed to be very occupied with his attention. Raul wasn’t even sure of when he pulled the butterfly knife out of his pocket or opened it up, but his grip was currently so tight on it that getting hit by a car wouldn’t even knock it loose.

Most of the time Carlos writes something new in his notebook he can’t help but imagine what it will be like to give it to them. There he was again, imaging that beautiful day where he gets to surprise his family. Where he gets to see smiles they didn’t even know they had. Jumping out of his seat this sharp pain in his neck ripped him out of his imagination. Carlos never had a chance… Struggling to even grasp what was happening he had already been stabbed a second time in his chest before realizing there was a man attacking him in his own house. Carlos let out a scream but due to him being extremely startled and already being stabbed in the neck he could barely produce whimpering moans. Not enough to make any kind of alert to anyone at all. Stumbling back and Raul pulling him with his hand around his chest Carlos fall backwards over his office chair onto the ground. Never seeing his family again, that is what he imagined now.

Staring down at this man on the ground looking up with true fear in their eyes, Raul doesn’t black out, but he does become completely unaware of how many times he proceeds to stab this man. Raul is possessed, it feels like instinct. Finally through both exhaustion and realizing this man’s body is no longer reacting to anything Raul does, he stops. That fear Raul left outside finds its way back to him. Surely someone was going to bust through the door right now. Surely police alarms would soon fill the air as someone must have called the cops hearing the commotion. Maybe someone had actually seen him jump through the window after all. As he panicked and tried to search for some clothes since he was now covered in blood, he realized with every second that nobody had busted through the door. No police alarms were filling the air. He went back and stared at this lifeless body, satisfied with his kill. Bragging with the way he loomed over it. He glanced over at the desk where this man was sitting. What was so interesting about this little black book. Quickly just skimming and flipping through every page not even reading one single word he reaches the back of the book and almost thanks god. Wads of cash come dropping out. Raul quickly places it back in the book and puts the book into a bag with his bloody clothes. Wearing clothes from Carlo’s closet he leaves this house, this time through the front door.

In the days that pass Raul counts all $20,000 dollars that were in this book. Jobless he was in danger of missing his next car payment. He had a basic car, and only owed $7,000 on it. He would in fact not miss the next payment, instead he would pay the whole car off and make sure he never had a payment again. Raul spent this money responsibly. Getting ahead on bills and paying things like his phone off to make sure he wouldn’t have to pay it every month. There is one thing he did splurge on that was unnecessary though. He went out and bought a $4,000 tailored suit. He never even really wore suits, but he wanted to make sure he looked as sharp as possible at Carlos’ funeral. In the days after the murder Raul tried to stay on the case as much as possible. At first out of fear he would be caught. But slowly out of curiosity and arrogance. During this time he even learned about the funeral services. Raul was only five foot eight inches tall, but at the wake he was much bigger. Hitting it off with so many guests, he was very social. Telling made up stories, consoling people who were missing Carlos, and he even flirted with his wife who was now a widow. Raul didn’t say anything to Carlos’ kids. Maybe he would’ve if he realized what he had did. To this day though, Raul has still never read one single word in that little black book.

We like to believe that bad people get what they deserve. That something awful is waiting for them just down the road. While Raul is on a plane to Vegas right now to spend his last $1,500 from the book. Personally, I’d say he’s looking pretty lucky. Don’t feel like you need to do anything though. Please, I’m sure karma will take care of it.