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The Snap

By Michael Aguilar

By Michael AguilarPublished 3 years ago 8 min read
5

“The world is allowed to be crazy. I think I have always known that. I’ve known that the universe doesn’t always make sense, but that’s okay. For me things always made sense in her smile. The chaos pouring down on me supplied by the surrounding universe was irrelevant, I was grounded in her eyes. People like to compliment people by saying things like “they were a ball of sunshine” or “their smile could light up a room”. But to me she was none of those things. To me, if I had to describe her I would say she was like a job interview. An interview that by the end had you walking away with an offer. You were nervous just thinking about her. You were on edge waiting for her presence and when you were finally in it you tried with everything you had to come off as the best version of yourself. But that is exactly what she made you, the best version of yourself. Just like in that interview you always wanted to make your best impression and your wardrobe got it’s chance to shine. As if she required a resume just to hang out with her she made you see every major accomplishment in your life and display it like a badge of honor. She made you see your best self. Each moment felt like fate. Like everything in your past was your work history. Preparing you and getting you ready for this moment, but you knew that what was just beyond this moment was something so much better than you had ever experienced. She was my dream job , experiencing her presence was like an interview, and every time she agreed to see me again was like receiving the job offer. She felt like turning your life around… I know most people in this world look up to those saving lives, but I didn’t. I looked up to her. And I can think of nothing more heroic in this universe than the way she carried herself… Than the way she carried me. I miss her everyday. I loved her… I still love her. I hope whoever has this can find her… In somebody else. In yourself. It doesn’t matter, just please find her. This world is crazy, and it is allowed to be that. But without her, crazy or not, this world is not worth it.”

She was so afraid reading those words. Afraid that she would never be able to take them in again. Sobbing and gasping for breath she was terrified that the tears sprinting down her face would soak into this page and forever ruin these words into globs of blue inked heartbreak. HOW?! How could these be the last words he ever wrote? How could he be gone when they had so much more to be present for? How does time play such tricks on our senses? How dare the universe tell her such beautiful love was 5 years ago. NO! For her it was just yesterday. In fact, she can still see him when she closes her eyes. Today, for her it was still today that this universe was stable. That things still made sense. But it wasn’t today. The tears ripped out by Moleskine was proof of that. She was destroyed, so much so that she couldn’t even bring herself to care about the $20,000 sitting in the back of this small black notebook. No, her mind was on recognition. She remembered this notebook, and she knows why it was here. She knows why he filled this book with his experiences. She knows why this hurts even more than the words he left on these pages.

“Ugh, babe. We already have everything we need for the trip, can we just go home and get some rest.”

“There is one more thing I want to get to have on our trip” she replied. She walked him to one of the aisles that sat closer to the register and he couldn’t help but stare at them craving to just check out and get this day over with. Not because this day was particularly bad at all, in fact everyday with her to him was something he cherished dearly. But they had a huge vacation trip starting tomorrow. Three different countries back to back to back on a four week trip. They were both extremely proud of themselves as they had worked so hard to save up the $20,000 necessary for the trip they had planned out. Which is why, somewhat out of character he was ready for this day to be over. She walked him into the school supply aisle.

“What? You need pens?” He asked her.

She stretched her arm toward the rack and excitedly ripped something back and held it out in front of his face. He stared at the word “Moleskine” as she said “This is what I need.”

“Why do you need a notebook?” He said.

“I’m going to document our trip. This is going to be really special and we should celebrate and embrace it properly. I’m proud of us babe. I want to capture how wonderful this trip is going to be. I want to capture our adventures. I want people to be able to understand that even those of us who are normal, really aren’t. We are special, so let us never forget how special this is.”

He smiled hopelessly in love and replied “I promise you… The world is incapable of forgetting something as unpredictably beautiful as you. You are like the space bar on a keyboard. No matter what word came before you, the endless possibilities you lead to, that you can make come next can never be over looked. And if somehow the world tries to forget you, I will make them remember.”

She falls into his presence and they share a kiss. They are ready for their trip. They walk to the register with relief and excitement in their hearts. As they get to the cashier he starts to hand her items from the cart. She is taking them one by one and placing them on the little track that leads to the scanner. He grabs the very last item form the cart, its the small black notebook. As she grabs it and tries to put it on the little track he grips it tighter and doesn’t let it go. She looks at him in confusion and with a smile on his face he gazes upon her and exclaims “This book is going to be filled with beautiful memories. Maybe we will even have a few of them filled up by the time we are old.”

Finally taking the book from his hand, she smiles almost with a tear of joy in her eye… The smile halts, and slowly turns into concern as she stumbles forward towards him almost as if gravity is losing it’s effect on her. “Babe?!” He exclaims very concerned as he tries to balance her. Reaching to catch her arms only further concerns him as she falls to floor. His hands catching nothing but dust. He looks down tears in his eyes.

“What’s happening?” She echos in desperation hoping he will be able to do something.

“No. No. No. No. Babe please stop. Stop this please.” With his hand under her back he stared into her blank fading eyes, never hearing another word from her again. In just seconds his hand was only supporting ash. Devastated he tried looking around for help, but there was none. Only more despair. He looked out to a much emptier store, a cashier disappeared and people just as confused as he was. But his suffering was unique. The loneliness wrenched in his gut was an immediate plunge into depression. She was gone. Helplessly kneeling on the ground he looked around one more time, and there it was. Right next to him, “Moleskine”. The only thing there was this small black notebook. He stared at this notebook tears running down his face amidst the chaos and he promised himself. He promised that he would never forget her. He vowed to document her, how proud of her he was, and no matter how normal people might of viewed her he vowed to tell them all just how special she was.


 As beautiful as the last words he wrote were, what he wrote before them was like a knife screaming inside her chest. “Can you believe I couldn’t wait for that day to end? I was always so appreciative of the time I had with her, but not on that day. I was so focused on our trip that I just wanted to go home and sleep. I just wanted to escape that day. You HAVE NO IDEA what I would give now to make sure that day never ended. To be stuck in the moments of that day with her. To never go on that trip, but just check into her arms instead. There is nothing I want more than to go back into that morning and freeze us into a lifetime of mediocrity. Of a perfectly normal day. Cause it wouldn’t be. The day wouldn’t be normal, it would have her. That’s as special as it gets. It’s been three and a half years since Thanos snapped away the worlds brightest hero. Powers or not. I now know that I have been alive three and a half years too long. I should’ve went with her. The Avengers are not bringing her back. Since that day she has lived through me. I pray hopefully she can live through this notebook now as well. Whoever finds this, please use this $20,000 wisely. Do it for her. Go document how special this normal world really is. Because really the world is not normal, the world is crazy. The world is allowed to be crazy. I think I have always known that. I’ve know that the universe…

fan fiction
5

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