On Authorities / The Police

The Story:

Back in the day I messed up. I was on new medication from my Doctor and I was being a high school kid. Not well informed yet. I knew I should have know better. My Dad had bought me a burrito that night and I ate it all. I smashed that thing, as we did, back in the day when we could not even catch up to our own metabolisms. My Dad said, just stay home. He took away my car keys. I did not listen. I had a spare key hidden in my room. I crashed. I crashed hard. So, so hard. The police, as they do, thought it would be a smart decision to give all of the gory details to the local paper. The police smashed my name. They made me feel worthless. It hurt so bad. So, so bad. Why they just had to ruin a kid's future, I do not know. It was not cool. I crashed my car into a tree. Nobody was hurt, thank God. My Dad, my great, great, Dad kept the newspaper article away from me. To this day I cannot find it online to read it. Do not care. Do not want to read it. Everyone read it. I knew they ALL read it. It sucked. My Dad kept me home from school for a week. The swim team wanted nothing to do with me because I had made them look bad. So, so bad. My coach had been my coach since childhood. He did not care. I think he cares now. I mean, come on, can we catch a break, any break? Oh, well. My Dad watched The Little Mermaid with me as we did when I was younger. I could not breathe. This was just me. A small town, white girl, made out as a bad example. Perfect.

I'll show you. I earned my law degree and got sober. I fought, fought so hard to any Judge that would listen to me. Let me be brave for these people. These beautiful, marginalized, and unfairly racially profiled, people.

The police, they got me again. Homeless, scared, tired, and worthless in the SHADY, SHADY, State of freaking Florida. My good times, my child vacation memories, shattered. They got me on trespassing because I was sleeping on the beach. They got me on false ID because I had lost my wallet and everything. They got me because I was scared and shaking and loud and they did not like that. They construed that in their twisted heads to be disorderly conduct. They locked me up with nothing. Damn near nothing. Alone, trying to survive while all these men...These criminal, dangerous, men were out to get me. I figured it out eventually but I had to battle my way through it. It hurt. It hurt so, so bad. I cannot explain it. Everything that happened down there is just a blur to me now.

They got me again. I was on the highway, rushing like I always do. I had just picked up my prescriptions from my pharmacy prescribed by my Doctor. They were still sealed and everything. Nothing controlled, just some pills to keep my head stable. They took me. They handcuffed me. They even broke my hand when they threw me, cuffed, into the car. They processed me on a felony DUI with One-hundred Thousand Dollars Bail because these kids, these privileged, privileged kids (just like I was) said their backs hurt.

I acted tough. When you are on the streets long enough you learn how to act. I acted hard. So, so hard. The Doctors and Nurses came to me after I was processed and confirmed my highest level degree of education. I put my fingers to my lips and shook my head no because nobody needs that kind of attention in here. The Doctors and Nurses explained to me that the cops tell you the breathalyzer is broken. They want blood. With the blood the concentration is greater and they can catch you on anything to destroy your name. Released. Finally. Tox screen came back negative like I knew it would. I knew I was just doing what I was supposed to do. Doing what was I was directed to do by my Medical Doctor.

Forty-Eight hours they got to treat me like a worthless human being. Like I was yesterday's trash. The horror. I got out. Not everybody does. I remain grateful for that every day.

The Take Away:

Be respectful and KNOW YOUR RIGHTS. Respect gets you a long way. I do not care if you have to summon the ghost of Gandhi himself. Stay calm. The. Best. Way. That. You. Can. Breathe. The cops will not take into consideration that you may be experiencing Post Traumatic Stress Disorder symptoms-even if they were the root of your trauma in the first place-they will not recognize the fear and anxiety attacks that they cause due to your trauma response to their very, very aggressive behavior. Just breathe. Do not Speak. Collect yourself as best as you can at the time. Use words like Yes and No (mostly, NO). In law school we had a discussion about racial profiling during the search and seizure process. African American and Hispanic and other (many, many, others) parents know to caution their children at a very young age to be very, very careful. I respect that. We all need to be careful. These authorities, the "safe people" are out to get us. Be safe. Be careful. Ask for an attorney, your parents, or your spiritual advisor. I do not care. Always, always ask for help from a trusted person.

I hate to be the bad guy but if you find yourself in similar situations be respectful. Respect will get you part of the way. Stay composed. Do what you can to stay compliant even though you know it is not fair. Appreciate them and thank them. Even if it kills you inside. Get yourself out of this mess with dignity and then tell your story to the next kid so maybe he does not have to go through what you went through. It is my biggest pleasure to share these experiences with you in the hopes that they might help. Always, always ask for help from people you trust.

As Bob Dylan puts it:

"Look out kid, it's something you did. God knows when but you are doing it again. You better jump down the alleyway, looking for a new friend. The man in the coon-skin cap in a pig pen, wants eleven dollar bills but you have only got ten."

Look out kid. Do your best. Be strong and be brave. You got this. I know it. Blessings, my friends. Have a great day. A very, very great day.