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Mugshot Mayhem

and the hilarious crimes that reportedly led up to them...

By Reptile Dysfunction Published 3 years ago 8 min read
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They say that a picture is worth a thousand words. When it comes to this Hall of Shame, it's more like a thousand hours of mandatory, court-ordered community service. Crime doesn't pay, but it certainly provides some serious entertainment. Below is a compilation I've put together with 10 of the most memorable mugshots to ever disgrace the internet, along with the hilariously ridiculous crimes they were accused of committing (and of course my asinine commentary).

Patrick Tribett July 2005 Bellaire, Ohio

Serial "huffer" Patrick Tribett was allegedly picked up by Ohio police at a store in Bellaire trying to score more spray paint. He was later charged with 'abusing harmful intoxicants'. This now-viral mugshot is proof that all that glitters is gold...Comedic gold, that is. I'm no lawyer, but pleading 'no contest' seems like the only option here.

Speaking of lawyers, public record shows that in 2009 Tribett hired the controversial New Martinsville attorney H. John Rogers to represent him. As a former addict with an off-the-wall career himself, Rogers reportedly undertook the daunting task of preparing lawsuits against several companies that had allegedly sold merchandise like T-shirts, coffee mugs, etc., featuring Tribett. He claims they did not have his consent to use his image for financial gain. Among this list are online shopping super mogul Amazon.com, Getty Images, Hot Toys Ltd. of China, and Cafe Press Corps of California.

The suits will likely never see their day in court, at least not with Rogers as a spearhead. He was disbarred by the state Supreme Court in 2013 following a complaint from the Lawyer Disciplinary Board accusing Rogers of abusing his legal authority. He later died in 2020, at age 79 after a short stay at the Moundsville regional jail for "intimidating a public officer", after making allegations that he was being denied crucial medication.

Eric Oram Butkiewicz July 2012 Miami Beach, Florida

Moving right down the list of paint-face perps, here we have Eric Oram Butkiewicz. Police reports show that security guards at a Miami Beach nightclub alerted authorities of their suspicions that Mr. Butkiewicz was dealing drugs. In the true American spirit, this patriot was out enjoying some 4th of July festivities when he was apprehended at club LIV. He reportedly told police "I possibly have three Xanax bars in my possession". He was searched and police found 13 Xanax pills in his shirt pocket. He was arrested and charged with felony possession, giving us the most 'Murica Mugshot of all time. Betsy Ross would be so proud. His mama, not so much.

Charlene Thompson December 2018 Mt. Airy, Ohio

This mugshot is yelling at Kronk to pull the lever. (WRONG LEVER!?!) Charlene Thompson, the Cinnacinatti native seen here giving off serious Disney villain vibes was arrested and charged with felonious assault following a dispute. Police reports show that the argument was not the only thing that got heated, as Thompson allegedly dumped hot oil on an unidentified victim during the altercation. Unsurprisingly, this Yzma doppelganger has an extensive criminal history with charges running the gamut from disorderly conduct while intoxicated, assaulting a police officer, criminal trespassing, and domestic violence. At the time of her arrest, she was reportedly wanted on two outstanding warrants for criminal damaging or endangering. Long live Kuzco!

Alan Dale Lee (Top Left) Oct 2011, (Bottom Left) Aug 2012, (Right) Sept 2012 Pasco County, Florida

Affectionately dubbed Dracula by officers in Dade County, Alan Dale Lee has more arrests than he does teeth. Granted, that's not saying very much. Pictured during three separate arrests showcasing his three very distinct teeth, this meth-addicted renegade is a repeat offender. Logging arrests for aggravated assault, possession of drug paraphernalia, and possession of methamphetamine (shocker), this dentally challenged triceratooth is sporting the typical Floridian rap sheet. Florida-Not like the rest of us.

Craig Buckner (left) with pet macaw Bird (right) December 2016 Washington County, Oregon

This unusual mugshot really gives new meaning to the term "jailbird". As the story goes, Craig Buckner brought his 4-year-old macaw named Bird to the Washington County Courthouse thinking that he would be in and out. Guess no one ever told him that court proceedings were nothing like running in to grab a pack of Newports from the neighborhood 7/11. Leaving Bird in a nearby tree, he went inside thinking he wouldn't be long. Having failed to comply with his release agreements, a judge remanded him into custody.

Upon voicing concerns for his feathered friend, Deputy Shoana McKelvey reportedly went outside in an attempt to retrieve the bird and console a worried Buckner. Unable to get the bird down from the tree, the deputy then enlisted Buckner's help. Upon seeing his owner, well-trained Bird came right down and was successfully brought inside. His bird-brained master began the process of being booked while Bird enjoyed some complimentary jail peanuts.

Michelle Allen September 2008 Middletown, Ohio

This 'udderly' amusing mugshot comes to us from Middletown, Ohio. Police were not 'a-moo-sed' with Michelle Allen's drunken antics which reportedly included urinating on a neighbor's front porch, blocking traffic, and chasing children. At the time of the incident, police said she had been arrested 50 times. Major Mark Hoffman with the Middletown Police said "even after 50 arrests, this was still a surprise." The bovine shenanigans didn't stop there either. After being booked on disorderly conduct charges, Allen showed up to court still donning the hilarious cow suit. Going so far as to challenge onlookers to "suck her utters". 'Steaks' were high and she was ultimately sentenced to a 30-day stint in the slammer. Allen, in a power 'moo-ve', refused to take the ridiculous outfit off.

Charles Easter Mugshot (left) September 2016 Fort Lauderdale, Florida

As funny as having a huge "Holla!" tattoo plastered across your forehead is, it only gets better when you find out there's a follow-up tattoo. The notorious bikini-clad street performer seen here arrested on a disorderly conduct charge, reportedly also has the taunting words "I Bet You Won't" tattooed on his back. Charles Easter, who also goes by the name "HollaBeyonceAliciaKeys-and-RiRi, which is Rihanna" reportedly became unruly while visiting a friend being treated at a Fort Lauderdale emergency room. Staff were forced to involve authorities and a reporting officer wrote "in a fit of rage", Easter, "maliciously threw coffee over the floor and wall".

Having 26 arrests already under his belt before his ER frenzy, Easter is no stranger to law enforcement. Aside from an extensive criminal history, this sauce-faced perp is also known for wearing bikinis as bright as his eyeshadow and dancing on the sidewalk in hopes of earning tips. The self-proclaimed "cross-dresser turned rock star" reportedly told the Tampa Tribune that he can earn up to $1000 on a good day dancing in the street. Think about that the next time you're grinding away at your boring 9 am-5 pm office job.

Kisstal Killough March 2018 North Las Vegas, Nevada

"Here's Johnny?!!"

In a scene that sounds like it's straight out of the cult horror classic The Shining, Kisstal Killough allegedly went on a murderous rampage at a Nevada elementary school, wielding none other than an ax. Police spokesman Eric Leavitt told the Las Vegas Review-Journal "she was screaming and yelling that she was gonna kill everybody". Due to the fast response time by authorities, no students or staff were reportedly injured. In her defense, she did try to warn us all in a cringe-worthy post on the popular social media site Facebook, "My name in da streets la Kiloozinautios procede yo approach with sheer Cautios...". I'm not sure which is more unfortunate. Her incoherent ramblings, or that blatant lazy eye.

Travis Williams January 2012 Miami, Florida

Travis Williams, the Tony Montana wannabe pictured in this bizarre mugshot, was held on charges in Miami for disorderly conduct. If you're like me, you'd expect the police report to give some insight as to why this man is shirtless and covered in a fine, white powder. However, the arresting officer makes no mention as to how, or why this man looks like he's auditioning to be a Little Debbie's powdered donut. It doesn't even allude to what this 'mysterious dust' may even be. What it does say is, when police arrived at the Bayside Marketplace following complaints, Williams was screaming at patrons and trying to hit them. When he noticed police were on the scene he assumed a 'fighting stance' and hollered obscenities at them. Having a 94-page arrest record under his belt coupled with the attempted fisticuffs, it's clear he's no stranger to, nor a fan of law enforcement.

Beezow Doo-Doo Zopittybop-bop-bop February 2016 Olympia, Washington

Number 10's mugshot looks normal enough, but our perp has a name that's as long and as wild as the events leading up to his 2016 arrest. Originally Jeffrey Drew Wilschke, the Wisconsin man was apprehended following an alleged assault on a college officer, as well as a deputy. Reportedly changing his name to Beezow Doo-Doo Zopittybop-bop-bop back in 2011, the Jon Snow lookalike is no stranger to recent headlines for his bizarre brushes with law enforcement and equally bizarre legal name.

The Olympian, a Washington-based newspaper that reported on the arrest alleges that after being seen tearing down fliers at Evergreen State College, a confrontation ensued between Beezow and a campus officer. During the struggle, he is said to have grabbed the officer's gun. He is also accused of biting the officer's ring finger several times. If that's not weird enough, he then tried to stab the officer with a pen, according to the newspaper.

After punches were thrown Bop-bop allegedly fled on foot and was pursued into a wooded area by a Thurston County deputy. It's then alleged that he threw rocks and a brick at the deputy. According to court documents, once backup arrived the two deputies were able to apprehend the suspect after having to employ the use of a taser in order to help subdue him. I wonder what the hell was on those fliers that incited this whacky series of events.

fact or fiction
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Reptile Dysfunction

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