Missed Opportunity

The winter breeze nipped at my nose as I made my way over the bridge. The pond beneath was frozen solid, for a brief moment I found myself wanting to go down there and pretend I was an olympic figure skater just like I used to do as a kid. It’s strange really, you spend your entire childhood looking at grownups thinking they’re so put together. Only to grow up and realize that all those childlike tendencies are still there just suppressed by the societal demand to grow up. If you ask me, the world would be a much better place if everyone let go of this idea that as you get older you’re no longer allowed to build forts and dance in the rain.

Unfortunately, the sun was setting fast so I had no time to appease my inner child today. Unless I wanted to risk losing a few fingers or toes, winter in New York City was brutal. Of course compared to Kansas any state with a true winter would probably feel brutal. I picked up my pace to avoid frostbite and because I wanted to get home and tell Trixie the news. Trixie is my not so little sister, I mean she's a few years younger but a foot taller and she is of legal drinking age so it doesn’t feel like she falls in the ‘little’ category anymore. Her and I decided to make the move to the big apple last year, Trixie was fresh out of college and eager to become the next Marc Jacobs or something and I was desperate to get out of community theater and onto Broadway.

I knew it wouldn’t happen overnight but I had hoped to at least be a little more established by now. A whole year later and I am nothing more than a waitress who moonlights as a props coordinator. While Trixie landed a job as an assistant to one of the up and coming designers in New York almost immediately. I’ve been barely scraping by until today, today the director announced that he would be recasting for the female lead in the up and coming production of Waitress. The original lead and her understudy shared a cab home last night and ended up getting into an accident. They’re both fine but will be in casts for the next six to eight weeks and opening night is in five, so the director is throwing caution to the wind and recasting rather than pushing the date. He’s letting anyone involved in the production audition for the role first before opening it to the public, now I just had to hope my nerves didn’t get the best of me.

I made it to my building just as the last shred of light was shrinking behind the New York skyline. The building was old and run down, the elevator didn’t work and the hot water only lasted at most ten minutes but it was a roof over our heads and it kept us warm at night. After making my way up the five long flights of stairs to my apartment my lower extremities were almost completely thawed out.

“TRIX you will never believe what happened today!” I yelled as I swung open the apartment door “Trixie are you here?!” I called again, stripping my beanie off and kicking my boots to the side. “Trixie!” I yelled out once more, tossing my coat on the kitchen table as I made my way toward her bedroom.

Once I turned the corner my heart dropped to the pit of my stomach, Trixie’s quirky red door was snapped down the middle. On the other side of the rubble was my distraught sister. Her mouth was covered with duct tape and she was bound to her ratty old vanity chair. The second she noticed me her eyes widened with horror, I went bounding into the room, which in hindsight wasn’t a great idea. The second I stepped past the splintered remains of her door a large set of arms grabbed me from behind, I kicked into the air as I heard Trixie scream from beneath the duct tape. I fought as hard as I could but this guy was twice my size and my efforts were futile.

Panic set in as I realized I wasn’t going to be able to break free of this man's grip. At that moment I caught a glimpse of the assailant's face in the vanity mirror. A sickeningly familiar pair of dark brown eyes were glaring back at me beneath long tufts of dirty blond hair. Adam. My ex-boyfriend from back home, and admittedly a huge factor in the big move my sister and I made a year ago.

“Adam!” I yelled, “Adam please stop.” I begged, hot tears rolled down my cheeks.

He took a large whiff of my hair, “I’ve missed you Lyla.” His grip around my torso tightened, my lungs were struggling to expand beneath the pressure.

“It’s been a while Adam, how are you?” I asked through labored breaths.

My pathetic attempt at claiming him down backfired, he threw me to the bed and once again the room filled with Trixie’s muffled screams. I quickly rolled to my back to face him, “How have I been?” He repeated, “HOW HAVE I BEEN?!” He was over me now, screaming in my face. I could smell the alcohol on his warm breath as it brushed across my cheek.

“Well let’s see,” he stood straight up and started to pace, “The firm let me go, said I was too much of a loose cannon, our dog ran away, Oh! And I spent a few months in jail for assaulting Mathew.” -He threw finger quotes around the word assaulting- “Like he didn’t bring it on himself when he decided to make a move on my girl” He stopped in front of me and caressed my face, his touch felt dark and violating.

It has been years since Adam and I were any sort of an item. We dated through college, he lived in one of the biggest party houses on campus which suited him because he was always the life of any party, he got through KU on a football scholarship and majored in accounting. Once graduation started to roll around he became distraught, scouts weren’t taking any interest in him and I think it was setting in that he was going to have to become an accountant after all. When the time came he ended up taking a job at some local accounting firm and I started taking on roles at the local community theater.

It wasn’t long after graduation that things began to change, he was grumpy all the time, and was suddenly very insecure. The more lead rolls I landed the worse it got, he started following me to rehearsals and going through my phone. He never wanted to go out because he didn’t want me getting the attention for my rolls.The Mathew he was referring to was a fellow thespian, one with whom I have never had more than a platonic relationship with but Adam swore up and down I was cheating with him after we starred in a production of Romeo and Juliet together. Eventually I called it quits, which he wouldn’t accept. He still showed up at rehearsals and would show up at the same restaurants or stores I was at. I ended up getting a restraining order which seemed to help for a while until I woke up one morning for an early rehearsal and found him camped outside my apartment door. Finally I decided it was time to get out of Kansas, so Trixie and I packed up and moved to New York.

“Adam, I haven’t been your girl for a long time.” I gently removed his hand from my face and sat up. “Remember?” His face twisted, a darkness fogging over his expression. He wound back his hand and catapulted it forward.

SLAP

His hand connected with my cheek with such force my skin felt as though it was on fire. I covered the spot in shock, he was a little possessive but he’d never laid a hand on me until today. A sinister smile spread across his face as he watched me squirm. He wandered over to the night stand and returned with the bat Trixie kept in here for protection. Before I could say another word he struck me on the side of the head. I fell to the bed, lulled to darkness by the subtle screams of my sweet baby sister.

“You will always be mine Lyla.”