Hear My Cry From The Other Side

The moment the world stops. You can hear yourself trying to catch your breath and your heart is pounding out of your chest. A moment a father screams out, "Oh, God No, Not My Baby" when the police came knocking at the door. It is a moment that you can't explain or fully paint a picture of a parent's heart being ripped out of their chest. The breath was taken from you to try and grasp what was just said. Trying to remain in your body when you feel like an empty shell. Our hearts stopped beating the moment she drew her last breath but we didn't know it until the news broke and her babies were without a mom.

It felt like our lungs collapsed within and we kept struggling to breathe. That the blood stopped pushing through and cut off the oxygen to our brain leaving us in a fog. In such disarray, the feelings, thoughts, and emotions were so raw. Trying to grasp what happened and why. She was a bright and beautiful soul who loved life, no matter how hard times became. She was the child that was a ray of sunshine and a smile every chance she got. One of seven siblings, she was the bubbly one and loved having others smile and laugh. She would do the quirkiest of things and facial expressions just to get a reaction out of you. It was often you would find her barefooted enjoying nature below her feet, feeling the earth for what it was.

Life knocked her down a time or two but she always got back up with better eyesight to avoid the next fall. She graduated high school and like most young adults she was trying to figure out the next move in her life. No compass to direct her, she sought out the directions she felt best. An unplanned pregnancy only gave her a real reason to love and motivation for a great life. She enrolled in college with the ideas of a simple life, a white picket fence, a home to call hers, a place she desired to work after graduation and a degree she wanted. She was making it all work with the help of the family. She fell fast for a man she thought she could love always and years later the had a baby girl. She had the family that she wanted.

Time goes on and these ideas of love were misread and lessons learned. Now twenty-four, a year away from graduation, a beautiful baby boy and a little girl she packs up her lessons and is ready for a fresh start. A week away from moving into her new place everything comes to a sudden stop. There were words said about obtaining an EPO though she never made that report to be filed. There were struggles, arguments, and roadblocks along the way. On March 30, 2018, she drew her last breath. It was ruled a suicide but all those who knew her said that was a lie.

The family asked questions wanting answers and the doors kept being shut that there were no answers just a closed case. The night the police came knocking at her parents' door the kids' safety came into question and to where are they. They sent their family members to check in on the children and said the ex was there. He had the smell of alcohol on his breath. The ex had their daughter and her son at his parents' house and put them to sleep. Cheeks were stained with tears, the room heavy of sadness and anguish. The question of what happened played over and over. Morning light came with no sleep from anyone and calls to the morgue of request to see their daughter for some answers.

Her father makes it to the hospital where she is at and in such distraught requests a pastor to go with him. As they speak with the coroner he asks the father about any major surgeries. The coroner tells the father there is a line that proceeds from the top of the leg to the bottom. In shock and confusion, he says no that she hasn't had any. The father is told it was recent. The coroner apologizes for his mistake in not seeing that it wasn't a surgery cut. He requests an autopsy and the request seemed like it would be done. He asked questions wanting to understand how she died and why is it suicide when that isn't something she would do. Instead of getting an understanding, he was told it's closed that she committed suicide.

The next day arrangements were made to lay her to rest. We made calls made to see if an autopsy was complete. The family is told there would be no autopsy and to proceed in laying her to rest. Once they closed the casket it felt like all the answers were lost. That there would be no closure. No one wanted to hear the family out that suicide doesn't fit.

We live in a small town with a population of roughly six thousand people. We exhausted every avenue to get any legal help to hear our pleas to get answers. We did not understand any of this. She loved being a mother and would not just leave her children like that especially in that mannerism. As the desperate and protective sister that I am, I took things into my own hands. I got into her computer and looked into her activities. I got into her cell phone. I checked her emails and I discovered things that someone wanted to remain hidden. I handed all this over to the police because I found out that there was a person of interest who tried taking her life before. I found motivation. I found that this had been planned. I found plenty of circumstantial evidence. Yet, the police, the coroner and all other legal help I turned to with this new information looked the other way. A small town and big secrets. The so-called, "Untouchables."

Let me ask you these questions since the police have ignored me and my family.

Why do we have to have our hearts and souls ripped out; when her three-year-old son in the middle of a car ride breaks down and begs for his mom? That he is crying so hard, that you are terrified his little lungs won't be able to take this massive crying fit that comes deep within his heart.

When we pull over and try to comfort him and ask, "Do you want your step-mommy?"

My sisters' son responded, "NO, I want my mommy in the sky. I want her so bad."

Please tell me how do we comfort this innocent child who loves his mommy so much and she loved him infinitely? He is separated from his sister even to this present day. Tell me why would my sister be so desperate to end her life and cause all that misery to children she loved so much?

Answer me these other questions please because no one else won't.

How is it that the toxicology report comes back that she was near the legal limit of being drunk and yet hang her self in a closet that is shorter than her height?

The person she was last on the phone with that night placed someone in her home arguing with her and confirmed that he brought the alcohol over. So, why doesn't this warrant any further investigation of someone being in her home the night she passed and how she got the alcohol before declaring suicide?

Why did she fear for her safety feeling the need to file an EPO but not getting the chance to?

Why was there an outgoing call made on her cell phone after she declared dead by the coroner's time of death to an attorney around eleven pm at night and a time gap before the 911 call was made?

How did a person who supposedly committed suicide and home alone make a call-out on her cell phone after she was dead?

I know that secrets come out in due time. My sister no longer has a voice. She is forever silenced. My family and I will forever be her voice. One day my family and her children will get the answers we desperately seek. The injustice that has been done to our family by the small town we live in, by the legal system, by dirty money and ugly people won't ever bring my sister back. My sister wasn't perfect but she never deserved a death so horrendous like the last night she had on earth. She had more heart than the many testosterone filled men in our small town.