Being tortured

Never in a million eons would I think I would be writing about what I am writing about, nor did I ever in a million decades thought I would be writing in in the location and circumstances, my current life is in. As so many say though, it is what it is, only thing is, I don't know what it is. I have ideas and assumptions, but I won't claim to know what it is when, people say, it is what it is, if I don't know what it is.

Before you click away due to that paragraph having tons of fluff and boredom. After all what you read that has I statements are based on true events. It has twists and turns that my creative brain couldn't even come up with, or else I would of been a freelancer long ago. What I am beginning to talk about is interesting, wouldn't you want to know why or how a girl born in a town of 2700 people, got to the point where people you never thought would know you exist, well do.

How? I actually ask myself that still, its still all very blurry and unknown things that I don't do well with, considering all the factors, lack of everything, time, effort, ect... ect...

I hope to write my journey as its been, for me and what I have experienced, because it's nothing like some half breads I had to disown and as the saga continues, you will understand why.

This I know for sure, the world as I know it now is a dark, cruel one and enjoys watching me, and others waste away, while rubbing in our face something that they took me from when a time of someone who had some common sense should of been there.

Instead of thinking about where certain people actually are suppose to be, they act like it's a. " Whatever you like" situation, is not where I am, when sure, maybe it is, but not for me. Why take me from my families residence, from a place I was actually ready for the next phase of, only to put on the face, (where I was just taken from I asked them to protect me from this exact bullshit, but if someone wants to they will and when they don't, they won't, period. Anyways this face is put on and I'm suppose to suffer through, something I already have multiple times, the only purpose in this world as of now from who they are trying to get me to see (my father) is me, but enjoys having me see that it will cater to a fraud, to the one who harasses me often, threaten my life ect ect...to anyone and everyone in the ways I need, but me. From different states to different sides of town now apparently, someone will pull me backwards, put on a face that will try to remind me of someone, but their actions clearly prove not my father. Then divide me from my one outlet, as if they are trying to get me to kill myself like they told me to in summer 2020 just in a more subliminal way, but obvious when you speak subliminally or have common sense to be honest.

I get treated as if my happiness doesn't matter, even though the wrong ones have the means to go to the places that has been shown, anyone can be at,(even me) especially me, the one who brought this all to life, but I am not able to, this was all brought on by accident. I made a call in October 2016, from an institution that was trying to change who I was as a person, I had a melt down for goodness sake, not a psychotic break! Well that phone call made with nothing but good intentions from me, bad intention on the other end, ended up getting me out of the institution, but ruining my life. I didn't belong in that place, nor did I deserve to be there,(kinda like here) I do know my own life and could of gotten away with shooting the piece of shit that threaten my life more than once and doesn't belong on my fathers property, I'm not a killer and that melt down showed that, and I am ok with that, actually.

Any longer at that institution and I may of had crazy eyes and no one wants that. (well I don't) well that call got me out of the institution I got transferred to, I could of waited in the first one until the truth prevailed, but not the one I was dragged to, it was embarrassing, as well as the person who would come there was. Therefore I called who I was shown in the first institution was an option, my father.

Well it did get me out of that place on October 17th 2016, but that was not who I was shown only 3 weeks prior, nor was it someone I didn't even want to be around and it wasn't my father, but it looked like him enough to get my acting on and get ME the fuck out of that place.

What follows, well lets just say if I could of seen the pain the last 5 years has caused the wrong people, and only seems to help the ones that truly don't deserve it, I would of pulled the trigger in self defense that day, Sept 4th 2016. After all, I am not with anyone I didn't pull that trigger for, only with all of the behaviors on how it even came to that!

Too many lives have been affected and of course my angel with the lighter leash is dead, my every day friend that helped me not have to think of things I have no control over. The truth (whatever it is) no on will tell me, but where I got dragged to, there nothing to do but think about things that are out of my control, things about my father, maybe heaven sent things and things that trust me, no one wants me thinking about, but my ride or die sisters for 13 years, well the sister I was everyday friends with, who made it seem like life was able to move on and I didn't need or even wanted to look behind, now I won't meet anyone new, it will just be this ex who is a loser loser as a different person who will be temporary with bad intentions I'm sure. I am done with temporary people, after seeing these weird chicks intentions ever since my type of person life was taken, I will not meet anyone new, it will just be the same old thing looking different, male female, it doesn't even matter.

My friend and myself had a pact that was never suppose to happen and I would of never expected her to take her life if I took mine first, we just knew we clicked so well that living without each other really, truly sucks. Well we made it through so many things, clearly just words we were speaking, since neither one of us expected to die. However, in August 2016, my life was threaten and who knows, whoever thinks its OK to approach anyone like that, let alone someone they are trying to be a father to, well lets just say, Whaaaaaaat?? Imagine this organized criminals hear what we are saying, has no idea where or how the person that died in Jan. 2017 got into my life or why she was in my life, thought, OK what if this is my chance to get rid of who he threaten (ME) as well as the witness to everything, things some people still don't think I know. Well the ones desperate to replace someone to another that doesn't even exist in reality as that person, they chose wrong again, but still to kill when they weren't shot at seems iffy to me. This puppet of someone with fingers sometimes, but reality shes missing quite a few fingers, believed I was that weak, and would kill myself after my friend did, she (whoever she and he are) thought kill the witness, the one that can make the persons life we are trying to conquer and the one who makes her smile all just go away, she or they must have thought kill 2 birds with one stone right? That should solve everything we never should of done in the first place but still wont stop doing. Why should I have to deal with the consequences of those people who do not have common sense, period. After all, family doesn't do anything that this journey I will take you through, over time, until my PTSD is triggered

Where are these people now you may wonder, well Renee is in the same place mentally after Amanda hurt and discarded her. Amanda now has 2 children by different fathers and had an abortion in between them, for no reason, the pregnancy she carried out because when she was pregnant, Amanda had no complications and she actually enjoyed being pregnant. Sadly her first born is abused by Amanda, but she uses her boyfriend as the bad guy, but when Kay seen the root of the fighting, she seen that Amanda waited for her first born to get home from school and Kay, Amanda and the father of her second child, her boyfriend were just chilling on a nice day and those two fought a lot, and sadly her first born got the wrath of the anger of her current boyfriend. Knowing where he is going to place his anger if they fought, she waited until her first born got home from school to end a good day, turned it into shit, started a fight with him literally out of no where, Kay was amazed by how quickly she seen Amanda's boyfriend in a different way that day. He wasn't doing anything that he was doing all day, but when her first got home from school, Amanda began a fight and just sat back and watched the drama unfold, let her first born get emotionally abused and seemed to enjoy it, that's when Kay left and never hung out with her longer than an hour since. At that moment Kay lost all respect for Amanda and seen her as the child abuser, instead of the portrait that Amanda has been painting for awhile and that was her boyfriend (who she wouldn't leave) was the bad guy who just abruptly took his anger out on this little girl, when the truth is, it's been Amanda angling it and timing when to push his anger buttons, knowing of his anger issues and starts it up when she wont be at the end of the emotional abuse he did.

As far as those two, Kay has no idea how they are living, if they are even together, but she knows this, Amanda wont leave Kay alone and does nasty ass shit to her in Kay's darkest days, when she needs a true friend the most. Amanda has indirectly played games with Kay, after years of Kay saying no more. Since Amanda cant own up to anything or even know when to stop hurting people. It has brought her to what could be an investigation including foul play, and resulting in death. It was the death of Kay's real friend, leave unnamed in this story. Kay is not involved, but she knows her best friend did not commit suicide and she knows Amanda was involved in a face game in 2016 as well as her boyfriend and a snake. See Kay had a true connection to her best friend and her sister and their cousin, pretty much most of her family and Kay believes that Amanda had a part in this foul play, thinking Kay would be her friend again, when Kay wont have a one sided anything again. Instead of just staying away from Kay, Amanda lurks and leeches and she steals(or has other people steal) Kay's medication during Kay's darkest days to date, having no one, but a version of her dead friends boyfriend as a friend. Amanda decided to get involved their as well only to divide and conquer were her shaved armed flying monkeys last words to Kay while trying to take advantage of thinking Kay doesn't know something she does, but its not worth the fight any longer. After all what is meant for someone will always be meant for them, no matter what.

As for Kay, well shes just been revealed many things in the last couple years, she has something weird going on with her father and as an only child its only her who is effected daily and Amanda is desperate for that connection they once had, but after the respect is gone, and the using has been discovered, there is nothing left and Kay is not going to claim an indirect abuser and manipulator as anything. Kay can tell when shes around, all the time Kay has been alone has opened her eyes and has made her clairvoyance and intuition stronger than before, she has endured things that aren't even fathomable not even to herself, something Amanda could never do, she rather get beat and have her children emotionally abused than be alone with herself. She involves herself in organized crime, which Kay already has a case for and it's currently under investigation, but sadly Amanda has not been this deep in something and still plays around as if she's an untouchable saint and acts like she is liked by everyone, when in reality the people Kay call friends, do not like her, they seen her for what Kay seen her for in 2002 right away. She is out for herself and possibly being the ring leader of this organized crime, her life she knows is pretty much over or will be and that's been her choice many times. Instead of writing this factual article, Kay just wanted to remain in her families home, laugh and be free from drama, but Amanda or one of her monkeys hunted Kay down last January and ruined Kay's peace as well as her mental health, then when she was going to lose access to Kay, she dragged Kay out with her, at this point Kay feels like a plastic bag just floating around, no free will no real connections, and was divided from the only person she had, since Kay's best friend is permanently gone. Since April 29th to Thanksgiving, the person Kay believed was on her side and understood the gap she had due to other peoples actions, he has left her out in this world without a life line and, well Kay unlike Amanda respects herself and cannot allow that connection she once had with someone she needed to be restored. Too much time has passed and no effort just Amanda on the other side of the keyboard acting a fool, she feels like she got away with murder, so she is super egoistical right now, however Kay is walking proof that karma will be forced onto people who decided to leech, devalue and manipulate in the world Kay lives in.

Narcissists are a different kind of breed, its a personality disorder, most of us have tenancies, but the people involved who are in trouble about something just have other people do their dirty work. Amanda organized Kay to a place she was at before and wanted Kay's medication so bad, that she has risked her whole life and everything she worked for and earned for it, by putting her in a room where there is access to it without permission, she or someone else, who will be just as guilty on judgment day, took Kay's medication, rubbed it in her face some then discarded her to the extent she could. It's been an ongoing pattern that at this point if you chose not to see it, then your just a part of it and I would hate to be apart of how deep it is, from identity theft, assault, cyber bullying, harassment, manipulation, threats and then deaths after those threats ect ect ect while its being investigated is mind blowing.. some need to learn when to quit and treat the person whose last name is the whole reason any of this is possible better than putting them in a place they know will depress them, and on top of that gas them to the point of aspirations and an incurable gum disease. (proof of both as well). They have told Kay their intentions from jump, they want to find her dead in a bed and in the dynamic of this place now, while Kay fights off kill switch after kill switch, knowing that the smell of her dead body is how it would be discovered. Kay keeps fighting though, without anyone on her side openly or consistently. She wonders why, because they gotta face it someday, losing Kay is a loss, period.

You do get what you give eventually in life in general, however Kay's life has karma on deck ready to strike the people who have earned it. No one gets away with what Amanda and her flying monkeys have been doing for this long, unless the consequences are beyond anything anyone could imagine.

Basically Kay feels like she is that fetus inside of Amanda who she is trying to kill... and is living as if she is the one who tried to kill the baby inside of her and lacks ethics and morals when it couldn't be any more backwards. This is the true story and Amanda lacks a lot of things mentally when it comes to crime and trust that she wont be jumping out of the same side of the car with anyone, I mean for god snakes she lets her children get beat and is the cause of it, she is sick inside her mind and to anyone who has been manipulated by her, well your bad for believing the dumb non factual shit she comes up with.

If anything Amanda and the ones she hangs around is true, then Kay would be married to Marshal Mathers, since its just another lie from a liars mouth. Think about it.. ull

backwards again, just know if I stop telling my journey, I didn't stop, I was stopped and may need help, if you know me and are reading this.

Wrong, I will end this segment with this

Word to the wise, if your struggling in any way, and the people around you just watch you struggle and maybe enjoy it, make you struggle more and can't even have a genuine conversation to help you out of the dark space in your brain that needs consistency and relaxing, you need to leave when you can, they are not your people.

Sadly during my, no lie... darkest days to date, I ended up in a situation that I never thought ever would turn out like it has. After taking away my room at my fathers,they go out of their way, to rub in my face, what they organized. What simple minds don't even think I know, I do notice whats happening, after years and I mean at least 5-12 years of the same pattern and the same result no matter what I do, who wouldn't notice, at this point if one cannot see what they are doing after doing it for many years, that's crazy to me. I will always be a step ahead of the people who have been doing this since 2008 and have divided and conquered, I heard again yesterday, I have been divided from the people who have common sense, instead of acting stupid and ignorant.

This person I am currently being forced t0o be around sadly is a danger to society indeed, when you say something and your brain suddenly believes it, like they don't have that voice in the back of their minds that knows they are lying, nope, delusional people say things and to them that how it is, try to challenge them and it will only wear you out. It's these kind of people who decide to negatively effect others lives for literally no reason, that has made me stop believing in many things, after my friend, my angel, and the person I thought we could partner up and do this thing called life, is showing me he sucks, but also wont lift the wall between me and my everyday. You know those ones who always are in your corner, no sneaky dumb drama shit, just that one who has your back no matter what, every single person I have had like this has been divided from me and their lack of effort and care shows we may have been conquered, that's all i see recently and nothing changes, I got taken from her bed, only because someone trying to replace her to the boyfriend she had at the time, wanna play games, since they treat me like I ain't shit and now I have the same thought process before, lets just say those 2 or more deserve each other, but my herissness, is no longer available and some are showing it. Well he dragged me back into it, (because the money is needed that I come with, but cant even let me be me) when you take away someones will to live, that means you cannot leech a penny off them ever again in any legal way, there is no he said she said, there is no consent, its straight stealing. exploiting and a little hostage like, when you keep someone from their own life. Who refuse to acknowledge my truth, since it benefits them not to do so. Someone who has earned every dime and everything that isn't money, and would CHOOSE to be around the ones who at least share my own exploiting with me. I'm way aware and that's really all, they could of at least got in the will to live, instead they like to how does it feel 23 years after something. I made it clear what I wanted, with any hope, karma, anything, since he dragged me back, devalued me and more, maybe I will once again believe in one of 2 things, the justice system, or kind people, people of principle who wont stand for what these same people have done many times, when all I called on was a mutual. undying and unconditional love, that lets me be me. I chose love, and these people around me where I am living chose war for some ungodly reason. If anything, all they prove is how irreverent they are without me. Why else would the ones who got told to leave finally, from the house of love, dragged the only attraction with them? Finally I think I may know why, they want just another persons information to hustle the government again, since stealing my paper prescription on Aug 8th 2020 and using my insurance to fill it, while I was in another state. The probably fake Social Security checks they collect in the name of my father, I say fake, because he's built a whole empire and doing nothing while living off social security, was not only never his plan, but never in his personality or character to do so. Divide and Conquer, is such a hateful phrase in these dark times, and as a car accident proved, when these frauds are divided, they won't be able to keep the same lie without the approval of another, they don't even know whose house they are living in. I imagine and hope it's a detectives place that I have complained about this before to, and had a history with in 2011, watching everything they do and are just waiting for such a concrete case, that I will never be bothered by them, or hear them cough again. Sadly they are delusional enough to believe I want an experience like my dead friend had with a fella named Chris, and they couldn't be anymore wrong. There will be no, "she said I could" since I have expressed my right to say NO through many angels. They may have taken the cards with the detectives number as well as the case number away, but as many should know, the case doesn't go away just because I no longer have a card with the case number on it anymore. I wish they would of left me alone when I finally crawled out of their hell, but they chose not to. Full on Stalkers, fits every single trait of one. They dragged me out, to leave me for dead and that's not even an exaggeration.

To be Continued.

P.S all from eye level to 6ft, I'm done with you, because I know where I am and you should of already been here.... and were so mad at me for living with someone who was there for me when your hateful ass wasn't, you allowed that ape thing to mess up my mental health, this is the second time for my mental health and its not my choice to be here, but it is everyone the same in here to do what they do...