AMARTAYA

Chapter - 1

I don’t know how I could do these things that I have done in my life. From committing murders to creating an empire in jail I was like a king, and now I am at that point in my life where I don’t know a thing, I know nothing. I am just a scared old man hiding in this rented apartment who knows nothing about this current world and these things are like aliens to me. It has been about 2 months since I completed my 50 years in jail for committing two murders when I was 19 years old.

I can’t forget that day when I was proven guilty of the double murder that I committed, that day has a particular slot in my brain. I remember minute by minute that I woke up in the early morning as usual. At this time I kinda accepted my fate that I have to live my entire life in this very jail. As I was thinking, four Police officers came to my cell, and one of those Police officers beat my cell's gate and said: “come on, get ready”. I know one of those Police officers beating and abusing other prisoners, he is a middle-aged man around six feet in height with a dark complexion. Those police officials gave me time to get ready. When the moment came, those Police officers came to pick me up from my cell and we were going to the court in the police van. Before this time when they escorted me to the court, they usually covered my face with a black mask. But this time I requested those Police officers not cover my face because I just wanted to see these running roads, this traffic, and these people. For the last time they accepted my request and allowed me to travel without that black mask. It's a dark blue police van with around 5-6 police officers, two of them were sitting in the front of the van, and one of them was driving. And the rest of the four police officers were sitting at the back patrolling me.

It takes around 40 minutes to travel from jail to the court, at that time there was absolute silence in that van, and I have don’t feel enough energy to talk or even try to do something, I was handcuffed and there was another chain that goes from my neck to the bottom and I was wearing a dirty white cloth with the black lining on it. I am looking like a mad elephant. I am just looking outside the police van's window, it's a typical police van window with the iron grill going from upside down and left to right making a perfect square. During that ride, that van stopped at a traffic light, and as I was looking outside, I saw that all the vehicles around the van were covered by the beggars that were living on the pathway. No beggars were near that police van and when the van was about to react to the court one of the police officers took out that horrifying black cloth and covered my face before leaving the van. That was the first time I felt scared, it was just a black cloth.

When I was walking through the court with the four police officers guarding me in each direction, those police officers directed me to the suspect’s chair on the left side of that courtroom.

While I sit on that chair, I am thinking about that movement and how a black cloth can scare a man. Why does my heartbeat go up a movement when I see the police officers taking out that black cloth? As I am thinking about that incident, my thoughts suddenly break when the judge comes and all the people in the courtroom stand up to show respect toward the judge. While the preceding goes I have no idea what was going on, and how could I understand that courtroom shit I was just a 21-year-old rebel that had no sense of responsibility and no regrades that his life is going to be fucked in any movement. And after 2 hours of proceeding the lawyers prove me guilty of the double murder that I committed 2 years back. And the judge sentences me to life imprisonment. As I expected, I was proven guilty.

After the judge gave their final judgment, the same four police officers came to me. To guard me, they were covering me in the same pattern as earlier, they escorted me to the police van. And we are moving toward the jail where I have to spend my entire life, as I was sitting in the van looking outside. I thought, is it the last time that I am going, seeing people doing their stuff? As we were moving the police officers were chatting about some things. I am listing all their talks but I am not able to comprehend what they are talking about. And the truth is that I don’t want to understand what they are talking about, at the movement I don’t give a fuck, now I am thinking, is that how man reacts just after hearing that he has to live his entire life in prison. As the van goes I had no idea how am I going to live there, do people have plans in prison, those there plans work., as I was thinking, we reached the jail and they were escorting me to my jail cell, one police officers were on my left, and the other is on my right side they were holding my hand from above my elbow. As soon as I was in a cell it was a dark and small room and I am sharing my cell with an infinite number of insects, as I was entering the cell I am seeing three feet walls as I was reaching this wall it smelled like hell, and it's a toilet and near that there is a concrete bad in the corner where I am sleeping till the day I have to live. and there was a small window up there, which is on high, and I couldn’t even see through that window.

As I was laying down on a concrete bed for a nap, my right hand is on the back of my head, I am just thinking about the whole day imagining the fake scenario where I was a free man and just doing my things, hand out with my friends, eating with my family, doing all kinds of drugs, and so on, as I was thinking about that, a police officer walking through every cell beating his thick stick throw the cell’s door, making a loud irritating sound, and make sure that every prisoner was sleeping at night and not doing any other stuff. I saw that a police officer walks through my cell five to six times. And I am just lying down on a concrete bed, hearing police officers’ sounds.

Chapter - 2

I remember that the year 1968 when I was about 15 years old and came to this city before that, I live in a village called Mangalpura with my parents and an elder sibling his name was Aarav he is about 3 years older than me, Amu they called me by that name, amu is the shorter version of my name that is Amartyta. I came to this city with absolutely no money and zero friends to stay with, first 10 days I sleep at the bus stop waiting for a miracle to happen that save me. Then I met Raju, he is a tea stall owner at the bus station, he saw me every day doing nothing at that bus station begging for food. Raju was a young man, he was in his early thirties with fair skin color and he is a tall man with dense black hair. Raju called me one day and asked me my name, my family, and where I am from, and he offers me if I wanted to work in his tea stall, I have no reason to say NO, he offered me 25 rupees per week, I used to clean cups and plates, cleaning the stall, the customer called me chotu. I am working all day and earrings are enough for me. At night I sleep in the tea stall, after working for six months, he increases my income to 30 rupees per week, and during this time Raju became my mentor he taught me how to work in a tea stall, during the period I was with Raju I never called him by his name, besides that, I never called him by any name, after a year working with Raju on his tea stall, the Municipal Corporation warns Raju and other illegal shop owners to close there stall as soon as possible, as the Municipal corporation issue that notices Raju shut down his stall, I am seeing this all going on, I was thinking that how can a person be so coward as Raju he is, I was so disheartened seeing Raju closing his stall. At that time I disagreed with Raju with every action that he was taking. I have all the arguments to not close that stall, our stall. But I forget that I was just a 16-year-old child who was working in a tea stall, and nobody gives a single fuck about my opinion.

Just after shutting down his stall, Raju starts working in a coal mine. He asked me if I wanted to come with him, but I said no. I asked Raju for a month before I searched for a job for myself. For a week or two, I stayed with Raju at his place. I work there, clean his house, and cook food for him. Doing laundry and all. And after two weeks I got a job in a local restaurant as a waiter. I and Raju were living under the same roof. For years after that. We are like a family. Raju was a widower, we ate, drank, and lived together but I didn’t develop enough guts to ask about his wife, and never spoke about her also, and 4 years passed, and it was 1972. The worst time of my life is going to start.

It was a rainy morning. The day went as usual. I finish my day shift and go back home. It was around seven o'clock when I reached home, I didn’t see Raju around, nobody was at home. This was the very first time in four years that Raju didn’t come before me. I was tense. I don’t know what to do now. Should I wait, should I search around, should I react to the police? But I did nothing. I was just thinking, I decided to visit the coal mine where he is working, and as I was getting ready for the coal mine, someone knocked on my door. I thought Raju came. When I opened the door, there were two police officers there. Questioning me about Raju. I was a little scared by that movement. Then they tell me the news that they found Raju’s dead body in the lake that is near our place, as per the police two men that belong to some coal mafia killed Raju.

After hearing this news, I fell apart. I didn't believe that news for some time. I was scared, feeling blue, and expressing anger at the very same time, but then both police officers were catering to me and gave me false hope about life. One of the police officers showed me the photos of who killed Raju. they were asking do I know them, or do I see them around or with Raju. I didn’t know them, never saw them around. Besides I am seeing them for the very first time in my life, they were dark skin guys with long and thick beards, one of them have long hair, he tie a ponytail and the other have short hair, and after some time both police officers go buy saying I can approach them any time if I get any lead and for help.

And 6 months passed, and I am still working in that restaurant. Till now I don’t even comprehend the fact that someone killed Raju, I didn’t do anything, as this guilt is going to kill me one day. All my day went well as I was busy with my job, but by the time I reached home. I see nobody during that period, the whole afternoon and night, at that time. That speechlessness poked me every second, and one day, as I was ready to finish my work in the evening, two customers came to our restaurant and ordered food, they seem familiar, but I don’t remember where I see them, then who carers my shift was about to over at any time, the other waiters were busy at that time with other orders, I thought why don’t I ask their order and then go. I ask for their order, and they order kebabs and some roti, as I am walking towards them, I have their orders. That movement I remember where I saw them, they are that fuckers who killed Raju. Their description was the same as I see in those pictures. The time I remember I was scared and my eyes were about to cry. All the flashbacks were running through my brain. As this was happening I came to the kitchen area and sat in the corner. I am thinking what should I do now, should I call the police? As I am thinking this, their faces are preserved in my brain, and they look disgusting to me. Then my eyes stuck on the chef who was cutting meat with a butcher’s knife. I have been looking for that chef for a minute. As I am seeing him, I feel no extreme emotion as I was feeling a minute ago. I am breathing calmly, I stand up quickly and wash my face with water. And I pick up that knife and look for them. They already finished their food and were about to go. I hide that knife in my clothes and I start following them after they eat. They stop in a narrow lane that is near our restaurant. They parked their bike there. As they were about to go I quickly ran and finished them all one by one.

That night, I was standing in a narrow street. Holding a large butcher knife and of that knife, and blood falls from the knife, this blood belongs to the two-individual that I have just killed a few minutes ago, they were lying down in front of me, and I am standing in front of them, looking into their eyes and just thinking what just happens. My body was numbed, I was just standing, I forgot the time, it was like all the sounds in this world had stopped. I can’t hear anything. But at that time I had a smile on my face. I feel like power just entered my soul. I feel like why didn’t I do it earlier, it feels so right at that time, it feels like I am on a drug for some things.

I spent nearly two weeks in a different jail, and after that, the police officers shifted me to a big hall-like room. That room was almost ten times bigger than my previous cell, it had a mattress all over the hall, for the other prisoners. That hall has a capacity of nearly thirty prisoners but it has almost seventy of them. First, one or two months in that cell were like hell for me, all the other prisoners were looking at me like I am their biggest enemy. That I have done something that affects them to their losses. That was a jail. What kind of hospitality did you accept from that place? During that time I have lived in that cell. The fear of getting killed is endless.

One evening during lunchtime. I was standing in the queue for my lunch, and one prisoner was intentionally pushing me for fun purposes. And when I collect my lunch. And walking toward the silent place to have my lunch. I am having roti, chapati, and dal on that day. Who can make the worst food for someone? The roti I am having, or I can say all the prisoners were having more dust than the construction side road. And Dal has more water than any swimming pool, that day when I was going toward a tree for lunch that day. That person came and pushed me so hard that my place fell to the ground. I was so angry at that time I was indulging in a fight without even considering the consequences. I punched him in the stomach, and another on his head. Then his friends came and grabbed me from behind and then they all started beating the shit out of me. No police officer came to separate us all. For some time I lay on the ground after they beat me. And by lunchtime, all the police officers were counting the prisoners. And they were going to their cells. As I hear the siren I am trying to stand up by myself. My right leg was injured. And my nose was bleeding. I clean my face with water and stand in the queue for counting. And goes into my cell and lay down again.

chapter -3

The next day, a police officer came to me and said it's mandatory to work in jail for the rest of my jail sentence, it is a magistrate order, and according to the law I am in rigorous imprisonment. It's a sentence for the more brutal and grave crime and for the prisoner who is not suitable to live in a civilized society. These are words said by that old man whom I talked with last night, and he suggested I do a laundry job. Because it is less hardworking and the prison can give up to one hundred rupees for a week. But only if you maintain discipline in a jail and prisoner officers choose which prisoner does which job.

After two days, the prison officer came to ask me which job I want to do, otherwise, he chooses. When I requested him to please put me in a laundry job, he nodded his head and said if I want to do a laundry job I have to pay him twenty thousand rupees, after hearing that my eyes were wide open, and ask the police officers to show mercy me, I do not have that much amount, after some time the police officer gave me another offer to give them ten thousand rupees before these weeks end and rest of the ten thousand I gave them in installment, and police officer added that laundry is the cheapest job in this jail. The police department created a menu mainly for the job roles In the jail. After four days I gave the police officers the thousand rupees. That was the savings that I have been collecting for several years for buying a house, and the time I heard about my life imprisonment sentence, buying a house and similar shit became less emotional for me.

And I got the laundry job, that old man said right about the less hard labor, just have to iron the prisoner’s uniform and pile up them on the shelves where the other workers, who are also some prisoners, distribute them to the prisoner, and the year passes within a blink.

And in a span of an eye blink, I have completed five years in that jail working as a laundry guy. In those five years, a lot has changed. I have indulged in so many fights I can't even count them. Some are for meals, some are for a good place to sleep and some are just for enjoyment purposes, and a lot of them are for others, in the early years of my jail fighting. Other prisoners came to me and complain to me about other prisoners who bully them or beat them because they are weak and easy targets, I start fighting for them, and for each fight, I ask for some cash as time goes people start recognized me, they don’t know my name, why I am in prison or any other thing, they just see me and geet me whenever they see me by raising their hand and nodding their head just because they fear me.

I kinda start enjoying this treatment, people came to me with their problems, and I resolve them and for that, they gave me cash that they earn from their respective jobs the excellent part is that the Prison guard department know about this and they don’t interfere me because I gave my some share to the prison guard department. Everything goes nicely but with some power, you lose the humans in your life. Every other prisoner either fears me or respects me. And because of that, they didn’t even speak to me for a movement. That is the reason I haven’t been able to make a single genuine friend in prison. I eat, sleep, and do my job all alone. Other prisoners alone came to me when they needed me for some work.

Now I think about that time I was in a very great position in a place like a prison, at least I was not a weak target that every other prisoner would make fun of me. The thing that I have learned from that experience is that you just have to show your power once, and other items are accomplished smoothly. You just have to punch somebody in public so that people can realize that you can punch, and people begin not to tease you.

One day, I remember I was doing some laundry work when a prison guard came to me and said, some lawyer came to see me, as I am hearing that I am sure this is some kind of misunderstanding because it has been around eight years since I have been in a prison. And not a single human came to see me from the outside world. I said to this guard that this was some kind of mistake and then the guard corrected me and showed me the slip that had my name written on it and my other information like what crimes I have done and where I came from and so on. I start walking toward the room that is for the prisoner whose family member came to visit them. I am thinking and imagining a scenario of why a lawyer came to visit me. As I am entering this room. I see that lawyer is sitting with the prison guard head they were speaking to each other about some stuff that I didn’t remember. At the time I enter that room, they both stop speaking and looking at me. Then the lawyer asked me about my name and asked me how long I have been in this prison. And similar questions. I gave all the replies that the lawyer asked me. And after that, he asked me to sit in front of him, and he said he wanted to give me some news about the outside world.

It’s a bright room, which has a gray paint wall. I was sitting in front of the lawyer, he is the government's lawyer. And the prison guard head with whom he was talking earlier is also present in that room with another prison guard who escorts me from the laundry place to this room. They both are standing in the corner of the room. And as I am sitting in front of that lawyer thinking that the prison guard department will complain about me and that I am fighting in the prison and demanding cash from other prisoners. And the lawyer came to transfer me to another prison. As I am guessing from that scene the lawyer started talking and he gave me the news that he had come to prison. And he said that in a bus accident, three dead bodies were found and are estimated to be by my parents and my younger brother. And the lawyer is here to escort me to the body so that I can confirm them.

The same day was going to be confirmed. I was fully prepared that these three bodies are not connected to me in any sense because my whole family was living in my village and I have never seen them in many years. There is no chance that my family member is in the city. As I entered that room where three dead bodies were. their bodies were covered with white cloth from head to toe. And they were held on a stretcher where they were kept side by side. As I was standing near that body the doctor came near to me. And uncovered all three bodies one by one the police officer that came with me asked me if I asked them or not. The movement I see these faces. I can't even forget these faces till now their faces were badly destroyed and I was shocked the time I saw them. These people are my family members. And the same police officer asks me again “Is this your family member, do you know them”. I nodded my head in agreement. And the two police officers and the lawyer escorted me to the jail after doing some paperwork.

When I reached the prison, some prisoners came to me and asked me about my whole situation, and why I was missing. I decided to not tell the truth and said that it was some court work that was pending for some years and now it was clear nothing to worry about. I go to my bedside, put my right hand and cover my eyes, and lay down.

Chapter - 4

It's been two months since I have been released from prison. Now I live in a rented room and It's a small one-bedroom apartment outside the main city. The day I realized I am on a job hunt so that I can live the rest of my life peacefully I am a seventy-year-old man and nobody selected an old man for any work. In these two months, I have been serving with the money that I have been collecting in the jail through laundry work. And now I am out of my savings also and it’s urgent to find a job as soon as possible. One day when I was entering my apartment after applying for some jobs, I meet my landlord near the building’s main gate he is a very successful businessman and he is in his middle forties a wealthy man who once had many properties in this town and has nobody to live with him, his wife leaves him and the court gave his wife children’s custody. I can emphasize his story only if I have some more decades to live. But the good part is that I haven’t.

One day in a spontaneous conversation, my landlord asked me about my job-hunting process and suggested that his friend owned a supermarket nearby and suggested that I visit that place whenever I got time. He will connect his friend with us and His friend can help me. Landlord added. The next morning I woke up and decided to visit his place. I got the address and phone number from the landlord. When I reached that place I called the landlord’s friend and he said wait he will come to pick me up. After a few minutes, he came and we both came to his main office. After we settled down he said that his friend already told me about my whole situation. And he said he has a job for me as a teddy bear guy. I just have to wear a teddy bear’s costume and just stand near the child’s section and he will pay me seven thousand rupees a month for that. And he said that if I am interested I can join but tomorrow also. And I accepted that offer.

As I was returning to my apartment I was reflecting on the time when my sentence was about to end. That afternoon I had just finished my lunch and the prison’s guard head came to me and said that in a week my prison sentence was going to end and after that, I could be a free man. When I heard the news I was shocked and my eyes were wide open. and ask the head guard why my sentence was going to end, I don't have to live in this prison for my entire life, and he replies that the government reduces my prison sentence from life imprisonment to fifty years and I have already completed my fifty years in prison. And then after he tells me the news he goes. It's been almost fifty years in this jail. It was like home to me and I can’t even imagine the outer world. I was scared that the empire that I had created was going to end and that meant nothing in a week. Every prisoner that fears me and every prisoner that does my personal work is going to an end. I was never prepared for that.

I have to do something that extends my prison sentence. I decided that I have to kill a prisoner right now so that my prison sentence is extended. I told one of the prisoners about stealing a knife from the prison kitchen, he works there for years and nobody can suspect him of anything. In the afternoon when he completes his work shift he brings a small knife with him and asks me why I bring the knife, and what I am planning to do with it. Then suddenly I punched him in his nose and put the knife to his neck, then he started shouting and the other prisoner and some guard came and saved him and one of the guards held me from the back and the other guard took the knife from me. And separate us both after the drama is over, I go to my bedside and start crying out loud as I have lost everything. After that, a prison guard came to me and took me to the head guard. The head guard told me to peacefully spend the rest of my prison time. And the government gave me a great opportunity to start my life from zero, I should respect that fact, and I have no other option left also.

It's been almost four months since I have had to work for my landlord’s friend. That job is more tiring than I assumed, those four months were more suffocating than the prison, it's like I am trapped in a loop. Every day I do the same activity at the same time. I wake up early at six o’clock and start getting ready for the job, do my job and in the evening I come back to my apartment. This life is more terrible than the prison life that I have lived. I feel more freedom in prison than now. I was missing my time in prison, and all I do is revise my memories of prison.

One day I was going back to my apartment from work. It's afternoon time around seven o’clock. I visit a restaurant that I visit daily before I reach my apartment. I collect my dinner from that restaurant, and after that, I reach a nearby wine shop and buy a bottle of whisky. My apartment is now ten minutes' walking distance. As I was walking toward my apartment I had no thought about anything. I was just walking towards it. As I reach my apartment I open my dinner and start eating, while watching old movies on television. For three straight hours, I was changing television channels, and I don’t remember what I was watching before that, and I fell asleep and the television was on and I heard a scary sound from the television and I woke up instantly. When I woke up I was covered in sweat while the fan was on. I was scared, as soon as I woke up I close the television and my whole body was shaking, then I goes to the bathroom to wash my face, and then I take out the bottle of whisky and some snacks and start drinking, it takes me two hours to finish that bottle of whisky alone, as I was watching through the window the sun has raised, and I feel the pressure that now I have to go the work again. As I was thinking about the work, I goes to the kitchen holding my glass and the empty bottle of whisky to throw it in the dustbin, my eyes holds on the kitchen knife that was in the sink area I was watching that knife and in seconds my whole life was reflected and I started crying, I hold that knife while crying and looking that knife from every direction and then I don’t know when I cut my wrist vein and my blood was dropping everywhere in the kitchen area, that happens in such a short time that I can’t even scream and do something to save my own life and as soon as something happens to me my eyes started closing and I lost the control over my body.