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You’ll never be able to wear a dress!

Combating the gender stigma

By Estera LupuPublished 4 years ago • 3 min read
Top Story - July 2022
You’ll never be able to wear a dress!
Photo by Jan Padilla on Unsplash

When I was a little girl I hurt my knees a lot. Isn’t that normal? For kids to play and get hurt?

There was this older girl, a neighbor, she saw me with crusts on my knee skin and she told me to stop getting hurt so much, otherwise I won’t be able to wear a short skirt when I was older.

I don’t know what I thought about it at the time, but I bet I was a little ashamed and afraid of what my future will hold for me. I was a very clumsy child, as I am now if I think about it. I always get scratches, bruises or I cut or burn myself when I cook. I am like that sometimes and that’s ok. For my medical nurse’s mind it’s a reminder that my blood coagulates just fine and I’m healthy. That’s living, that’s doing what you love, with no restrictions.

What that girl really said to me was that girls should have perfect skin to wear a skirt or short pants or a dress that shows skin, otherwise is nasty for other people to see.

What a terrible thing to say or think, that is what a unhealthy mindset looks like and our society is filled with that.

Girls should cover themselves up if their skin is not perfect, if they have bruises or scars or if they are not perfectly skinny.

Religion also plays an important part in what young girls should wear, witch is totally unfair. As I was growing up in a very religious family, I had to dress accordingly. It was different for boys, the difference wasn't so much in the way they were supposed to dress, but it's a whole different story for girls.

I constantly felt angry about my limitations, and to this day I feel a little ashamed if I wear what I want if I think my family wouldn't approve. Even if I'm all grown up and I don't see my family that often anymore. That kind of thinking is still affecting me after all those years and makes me feel I'll never be in complete control over my life and my choices.

It’s only a girls choice what she should wear, or how to act. It’s a terrible way to live trying to hide your imperfections all the time, to change outfits 5 times before leaving the house because too much skin is showing, if a bra strip is visible or the belly doesn't look completely flat.

Please wear only what feels comfortable, never mind the bruise or scars, those are a sign of living, they're reminders of a great meal you have made, that awesome bike ride or mountain hike, that time you played with your dogs when they were teething and they bit too hard, but often the scars are not even that visible, only we see them.

And the thought that others might see them and think badly of us is only in our head. But what if someone do notices the marks on your body and makes a bad comment about it? Why do we have to care at all?

It’s my body and I love it and if you don’t see how beautiful it is, that’s alright, I see it and that’s all that matters. No one else lives inside it but me, and I am the only person that can have a say in that.

If I want to dye my hair pink and wear a short dress because I feel like it, I don’t care if my 3 weeks old and huge bruise is showing on my foot or there are tiny marks on my knees from when I played as a kid and had fun, it’s my body and I’m proud of it.

Embarrassment

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Estera Lupu

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    Written by Estera Lupu