You have zero control

You have zero control.

Over most of everything in life.

The one thing that's challenging for me is letting go of the need to control someone else's emotions when they're upset about something- specifically when that person is angry.

Why?

Because on some level, I take it personally and don't often recognize that their anger isn't about me -- whatever they're angry about, I happen to be the one in their immediate space at that moment, and while maybe and probably not intentional on their part, they lash their stuff out on me.

And I want it to stop right away.

The adult 53-year- old thing for me to do would be to take a deep breath, assess my position, and back off from the other person's stuff.

But.

Sometimes, well, actually a lot of the time, that's a very hard thing to do.

What I'm realizing is that the best thing I can do is to let that person say whatever it is they're going to say and go back to the classic phrase of when I was growing up, and kids would bully me - 'sticks and stones may break your bones, Shannon, but words can never hurt you'.

So, the shift in my mindset comes with first seeing my flaw of taking it personally, because, ultimately, the issue with letting go of the need to control someone else's anger stems from myself; the realization that it's not up to me to control their stuff is a gift.

Seeing my part from the outside looking in is powerful for recognizing the reality of my truth and how I can better cope with another person's stuff, minus the suck-in.

Sometimes, you need to let your mom win.

What do I mean by that?

I sold 90% of everything I had, and moved into a small room in the back of mom's house, which is where I'm currently writing from - and am grateful for - yet it's taken me a bit to get to a place where I can much more easily set my ego aside to let my mom win.

Letting my mom win includes such things as having her feed my animals on the schedule that works for her.

Cooking with certain utensils, pans, oils, and whatnot.

Washing the dishes and letting them sit in the drainer for NO MORE than sixty seconds.

The toilet seat must be down at all times. If there were a way to pee and poop without opening the lid, I'm sure someone has invented it, and Mom hasn't discovered it...yet. If there were a lock, I'm sure it'd be locked as well.

Asking which foods are okay to eat in the fridge, because there is a system.

Making sure to never touch the heat thermostat - ever.

Don't use the coconut oil; keep the rug in the bathroom where it is; don't ask her to please turn the TV volume down; keep the front door shut, and the list of endless seemingly insignificant things goes on, and on, and on.

Her rules are her rules.

There is no compromise.

There is no talking it out.

There is nothing.

So, I've been practicing something called 'being quiet and observant' in my mom's presence; letting her win with her rules by doing my best to be humble and respectful, not saying anything, or arguing with her.

I've been taking her dog for walks with my dogs, which gives mom and me some time apart. This is helpful for me to reflect on myself, my actions, and reactions. And, most importantly, I've been secretly sending her healing energy and love - because if she knew I was doing that, she'd huff and puff and push me away more.

So you know what?

Sometimes, you simply need to let your mom win.

And maybe that's why I'm here, to heal both her and me.