Will love come naturally?

How does one find love so naturally? A question I ask myself repeatedly. How does a person find love so easily? Is it because of their natural charm? Or perhaps their aura? Or do they have some kind of radar on love?

One thing about me is, I have to work hard on all types of love that I encountered. I have to push and carry myself with alot of effort. Because love does not come naturally for me.

As I get older, I wonder when I can stop carrying and pushing to find the love I deserve. As I get older, I wonder to myself if I can find love. Love is hard work. That is all I know. As I look around, love comes naturally to people.

Love found them at the right time and in the right place. My consolation is to believe the same for myself. LOVE WILL COME NATURALLY. Love will come at the most unexpected times. Love will come when you need it the most.

Countless messages, first dates, and flirtatious smiles, I forced to find the love that I deserve. Love is hard work. Love never comes naturally to me. I am never at the right time or right place. I am so tired, I am stuck at the terminal waiting for hours, days, months, years. Watching all the passengers get on, and yet I am still here.

A consolation I tell myself is I am free. I am free to leave the terminal and walk through the flower path myself. I am free. Free from the curse of love because love does not come naturally for me. Why do I keep going in circles? Always ending up at the same terminal, waiting. Maybe I am just hard to find, or am I hard to love? I want to stop pushing and carrying effort just to feel loved. I want to be loved effortlessly, like its second nature.

I was never the one chosen naturally. I always put my all to be able to get on. I pushed and squeezed myself just to fit, just to be chosen. But I was never picked. Effort is never a guarantee. Love is hard work, it may pay off.

I can never understand how love can come organically. Because the love I received is because of my hard work. The love I received is forced. I planned, timed, and set it up at the right place and time. All because of me. I am the mastermind of it all. It never came naturally, I made it happen. But it can only take you so far and then before I can even enjoy the fruits of my labor, I am back at the start. They figured it out after a while. Love was hard work with me, when love is natural to someone else. I am tired of working hard to find love. I want love to come naturally. But it’s not who I am.

I wonder what will happen if I keep on waiting. If I keep on wanting love to come to me? Will love find me? Or will it go to someone else? Someone who is more natural to love. Someone who’s effortless, who’s naturally endearing, who’s life is surrounded by love.

All my life, I fought, worked, and waited for love. Even if it is forced, even if it is meant for someone else, I acted as if it is mine. I work hard to keep it. It drained me, I felt guilty.

I love myself too much, I am selfish. Working hard for love, turned me this way. I spent my days loving who I am. Accepting myself and who I really am. I worked hard to achieve it. A consolation that I tell myself, LOVE YOURSELF FIRST, BEFORE LOVING OTHER PEOPLE.

Is it wrong to work hard for love? To fight, crawl and beg for love? Does love have to come naturally. If it does, then I should accept that it will not find me. I was never loved naturally. Not knowing how it felt, I just settled being alone. Doing things on my own. Just loving myself. I am settled. Love won’t naturally find me. I always have to work for it. I always do.