Why I am Taking a Break From Reading Life Advice and Self-Help Books

I came to this decision today after scrolling through the following:

My gallery filled with Pinterest motivational quotes

Medium reading list with all my favourite self help writer’s articles

Instagram feeds with daily life advice.

I have had enough.

Let me put it across they helped me for sure. Like a dose of glucose when I had dehydration due to stomach issues.

I have given advice quoting these articles to my friends. I have gifted these books, liked, shared them, swesred by them. Not anymore.

Here’s why:

I am giving up on the “ ideal version” of life I have been told

I remember my mom quoting me that to be a human of value you need a purpose to drive you. I respect that. But I want to be the person deciding my purpose in life.

In my teens, it was getting the best college. In my twenties, it was getting that high paying job and a handsome (and higher- earning) husband and settle down. Then 30s are for your children, bringing them up and 40’s are for I don’t know what.

Except for the job, nothing happened in my life.

In all the self help books I read, in all the quotes on my school board told me that — I can become whomever I wanted to become.Nothing is impossible.

So — give yourself all the riches — that house with jacuzzi in the hall, the Lamborghini, the husband of your dreams and the respect from fellow people.

It took me 30 years to realize this — I was told I can do anything but I was also given a template of what this “anything” meant so that I will amount to something. I would be a person of value.

Why did I let the self help industry determine what my life should look like?

My life is no way sensational today. Except for the job part, I did not achieve a single benchmark.

But here the thing — I feel more joyous than ever in my 30s and despite the credit card bills, tight month end budgets, dating fiascos and the midnight guilt.

I did not make my family proud like I should have, and run miles away from “oh you haven’t found the one yet?” questions.

I recognise my flaws but I also know there is a peace within me that has nothing to do with what I could no could not do.

I did not try to challenge any societal deadlines. What I realised was these deadlines are not a single route to happiness. They just exist because generations before me have lived that way.

All I found was, even without ticking all the boxes I can be joyous.

I have learnt to find my way back to myself through help from amazing people and learnt about myself in that journey.

Being at peace with myself is the biggest riches I cherish at the moment. This is the goal that will keep me going.

Self Help = Become Rich= Perfection

I wish all self help articles ( including this and 20 others I had written) came with a statutory warning — All opinions expressed here are views of the authors based on their life experience and learnings.

There are no universal truths to leading a valuable life especially when self help today is mostly a “get rich” and solve all your woes genre.

These articles had become an escapism for me because I live that 10 minutes imagining I could become a legend like Steve Jobs. I like being reaffirmed that there is no wrong in me aiming to be rich.

I have no qualms about people wanting to be rich.

But here’s my doubt — how sure are we of the truth about a billionaire lifestyle and the words spoken by them?

What convinced us that having a billions stacked in your bank automatically makes one a high valued human being, to given them a God like status, imitate them and all this while they are showing us carefully curated version of their lives.

But will mimicking their so routines make us them?

The answer is never.

Imbibing good from other people is a positive trait. But why limit it to people with money alone? People we have no idea about?

I am giving up this narrow way and opening myself to learn from people around me, from my work area and my family and friends.

I know what to do but read self-help articles to find a better way

I can read a 100+ articles on how to go big in Medium. I can buy books on how to be an outstanding writer like my role models.

But nothing will happen unless I sit down and start publishing articles regularly and practice getting better. Better my grammar. Refine my flow of language and research the platform.

It is that simple.

I believe in true love but nothing would happen until I start meeting people and know what I want out of the “happy” relationship picture I have in my mind.

I want to manage my finances, keep my parents happy.

You get the picture.

I already knew what would work. But I wanted a shortcut.

Or I want to waste my time I should be solving my problems in trying to find an easy way out.

I learnt that self-help is a way for me to procrastinate the actions I should be taking.

I wanted a version of me who is

1. Present at the moment
2. Has a calm mind, confident and can handle stressful situarions
3. A go getter and disciplined person
4. Has a fit body

inorder to take the steps to do something.

That person is never going to come.

I cannot manifest her with some empty affirmations. I can’t meditate myself to calm my mind when the truth is pounding against my heart urging me to take a small action.

No I am not using any of these techniques anymore. It’s like me putting on the blinders and trying to assume it’nighttime when the light of truth is on my face.

I know it’s taking action. Day in and day out.

Final Thoughts

“I think everybody should get rich and famous and do everything they ever dreamed of so they can see that it’s not the answer.”

― Jim Carrey

There is no one route to a successful life. And the definition of success is dependent of that individual. For me success means finding joy in what I do and finding my happy place within myself in whatever I do. That is the picture today. It might change few years down the line.

But I want to give myself the freedom to seek and live my truth. Free of any societal standards.

It’s one of the toughest things am I ever doing in my life.

And it gives me joy.

Article previously published in the Medium.