Why am I the bad guy?

What is heartache to you?

To me heartache's the what-ifs that sneak into your thoughts. It's wondering if you'll ever find someone who gets you like they did, or if those inside jokes and shared glances will become a thing of the past forever. It's feeling a bit lost as you navigate a world that suddenly seems a bit unfamiliar.

I have had plenty of heartaches but none come close to what I feel now.

For the past three years, I was in a relationship with someone I was prepared to marry at any given moment. However, it was just one week ago today that we decided to part ways.

These are some of my thoughts that I need out of my head.

Why was I made out to be the bad guy in all of this?

I was the one who gave my all into our relationship.

I was the one who offered comfort as you grieved the loss of your dog.

I was the one who attended all of your opera performances and consistently expressed how wonderful your voice sounded.

I was the one who sacrificed friendships to ensure your comfort and peace of mind.

I was there to take you class every morning so you wouldn't have to walk through the snow.

I was the one who flew to meet your family and spend a weekend with them

I was the one who would make sure every date was fun and that you where happy

Wasn't it me who supported you in overcoming your body dysmorphia and guided you into your fitness journey?

Please tell me why am I the bad guy?

Did you not have the audacity to label me as "poor," even though you lack a stable job and rely on your parents for financial support, despite being a fully grown adult?

Was it not you who confessed you wanted to leave me to find someone who could give you a green card.

Was it not you who made me feel like shit for wanting to do things I loved.

Did you not express that you didn't want to continue the relationship with someone who was managing depression, even though you knew about it since our first date, three years into our relationship?

Did you not express your dislike for the concert, even though you knew how much I had saved and worked hard to make it possible for both of us to be there?

Weren't you the one who expressed excitement about building a family together, mentioning how I'd make a wonderful father? Yet, not even 24 hours later, you threatened to leave, accusing me of not caring because I didn't respond to your text within fifteen minutes

Help me understand why I am the bad guy.

I have never loved harder in my life.

I have never given so much to one person.

I have never given marrige a thought until I met you.

I have never regretted giving myself to someone until you.

I am not the bad guy but:

I've lost the desire to put in any effort into meeting someone new again.

I wish I had been.

I hope you meet someone who truly is bad.

I'm confident that there's someone better than you, just waiting for me to cross paths with her.

Goodbye Forever

I recognize that I wasn't perfect, but I genuinely was a good boyfriend. I mean you said so yourself with tears running down your cheeks.

In my eyes, you were perfection—an angel sent by God.

I am glad I was able to see your true self and got the confidence to end it once and for all.

I can't help but wonder what I did so wrong to deserve such mistreatment. Despite that, I was the one who foolishly kept fighting for a person who never truly cared about me.

While my heart aches, I also feel a sense of relief and happiness knowing that you are gone forever. This gives me the opportunity to focus on becoming the best version of myself. Hopefully, one day I'll meet someone who can reciprocate the same love that I give.

I was ready to provide you with a life full of happiness and joy until we grew old and shared our days together until we both passed away.

I will alway regret having met you.