What I Lost and What I Found in 2021

Reflecting on the things I have lost and the things I have found ultimately will turn my experiences into lessons for the future.

What I have Lost

A friend. People often come and go, but sometimes you don't know that the last time you see them is the last time they go.

I lost someone who was close to me my whole life. Even though I didn't get to see this person very often, knowing that they were always going to be there was a genuine comfort. I am grateful that my last moments with this person were positive and not negative, however, I wish we had more time. I wish I was able to help and I wish I was able to say a proper goodbye.

Time. I spent so much of 2021 buried into work and school. I often let these things overwork me until I can no longer wake up without fatigue. There is so much time I have spent giving everything I have to things that I struggle to find enjoyable. Hours upon hours, days upon days I have found myself miserable and instead of choosing to escape it, staying because of a fear of change.

Hope. I know it sounds bleak and I'll get over this with time, but for now, my heart's a little too broken to hold onto much hope. Too much has happened to heal from, but I know that one day I will have that hope back.

I had it back in January, and even greater in May. August, September, and October were an interesting few months that absolutely drained me. As does everything, healing will take time.

What I have Found

New friends. I finally was able to achieve a goal that I worked months to get. With this, I have gained new friends in the process. All of 2020, I spent friendless because of the pandemic. It drew us apart, which I believe was going to happen inevitably, just not as sudden. Now, after almost a year of talking to nobody outside my household, I am finally able to call new people my friends.

Clarity. The temporary loss of hope has granted me clarity about what I truly want and what I should go after. I now possess foresight about new challenges that I never thought I'd face.

The temporary loss of hope has a positive side, and now I am even more aware of who I am and what things make me happy.

Myself. I lost myself in 2020 when I was cooped away in my home. Every day was just like the other in one big blur of nothing. With my new experiences, the good and the bad, I am finding more about myself that I was previously unaware of. I am looking back at past decisions and thinking about future ones I hope to make.

What I Yearn For in 2022

Growth. I would love to further learn about who I am and experience new things that allow me to grow. Both the good and the bad will contribute to my growth, and I welcome these experiences with open arms.

Far too long I spent preventing myself from giving myself the chance to change. I have been stuck in a harmful mindset for too long. The walls I have built to protect my heart will take some time to diminish, but I am hoping with growth I am able to accept myself instead of hiding.

Something new. I desire a new positive experience that will drive me towards happiness. Whether that's a new job, new relationship, or passion, I yearn for something to make me feel something I have never felt before. A change of scenery will contribute to my growth.

Why am I sharing this?

Every year we make resolutions, promises to ourselves, that we will become our ideal selves. But when that clock strikes midnight and the days start to go by, the promises you made to yourself don't always stick.

A new year shouldn't be an excuse to become the person you want to be. Go for what you want, or let time bring you there.

By reflecting on the things I have lost and the things I have found, I had an epiphany. There are some things you can't change and some things that you can't prevent. But there are still things you can.

Take what you have lost and take what you have found and use it as a guide to reaching your peak. These experiences from the year, however bleak or joyous, will gift you foresight into future experiences.

Knowing what you want from life, even if it is just as vague as the ones I have listed, are a good start to guiding the decisions you make.

Take your regrets and turn them into opportunities. Take your losses and turn them into clarity. Take your findings and cherish them.

Life isn't meant to be easy, but it still is meant to be meaningful.

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