Waiting Is Not My Strong Suit!

So, what am I waiting for and what has been the worst wait ever? Cancer! Do I have cancer, what type of cancer, is there a treatment for this, and how long do I have to live?

Well, that isn't this time, but the wait is almost as bad and it is worse because if it isn't what I think it is, then it could be cancer!

Or, I think it is cancer!

The first thing was ruled out. I don't have a heart blockage. That test happened a few weeks ago now. The first time I was diagnosed with cancer, I was sent to a gynecologist oncologist, who said, "You don't have any gynecological cancer! Well, she didn't exactly say it that way.

I was comfortable with her as she looked just like her sister and I worked with her sister! Small world! That did help with the stress, but I can't expect to know everyone I am referred to.

She walked across the hall to see if a pancreatic oncologist would see me, as she thought that was next. The scan showed the cancer was between my ovaries and pancreas. He wouldn't see me without a biopsy. And thankfully between my ovaries and pancreas was lymphoma.

I was told that if I am going to have cancer, that non-Hodgkins lymphoma is the better cancer to have!

It is better not to ever have cancer!

By the time I got treatment, I couldn't breathe laying down, so I was not sleeping in my bed as I was sleeping sitting up. The fluid leak from the lymphoma was spreading around my lungs and that made it hard to breathe.

I would be out of breath easily and the CT and Pet Scan and other tests happened laying down. So by the time I had the Pet Scan and bone marrow biopsy, I was passed out and admitted to the hospital. Where I then had a respiratory code.

So, waiting is difficult! I am out of breath easily. I think it is one of the medications I am taking for AFIB. I have the side effects I researched. I only went looking when a friend told me she had to get her husband off that med as he could not go down into their basement and get back out.

I am not doing stairs, other than the few into our house and then I get all out of breath shortly after that.

The other side effects are minor in comparison to the breathing thing. I have noticed several since getting the AFIB and being placed on the medication. The broken arm and fall and the oxycontin prescription that I took myself off of contributed to the AFIB.

That was almost three years ago now. Some of the side effects come and go. Bone pain, I thought had to do with the plantar fasciitis I was diagnosed with. Or I was thinking I had neuropathy. The PT person I worked with said, "It is more than that! The symptoms just don't quite fit."

So what is it? I haven't been to PT for over a month and I still have about 3 weeks to wait to find out.

People are telling me that appointments are taking longer to get into.

What else have I waited for? To hear about a job I applied for. The state is awful slow in its process. I was recruited and it still took too long!

Having babies takes too long! Nine months and it is especially long when you know right away that you are pregnant, as I did with number two!

Christmas to get here every year as a kid, that always took too long!

Waiting in line to pay for my groceries, to order fast food, to buy all the important things, to get into the bathroom, to have sex, to get engaged, to get married, to find out that I don't have cancer, over and over and over again!