My Other Name Was Jerry, When I Was 10 Years Old

In my culture, it is common to have another name. My Ojibwe name is an abbreviated version of Red-tailed fox running in the stars or Waagosh Bimibatood indishinakaz, (In Ojibwe — I am/my name is Running Fox) which I received before I was 10 years old.

It is considered my spirit name. My aunt Sadie named me and my two younger siblings. Some people get other Ojibwe names at different times in life as well.

I am not sure when I named myself Jerry, but I know it was by the time I was 10. I think it was when I was between five and seven. I played with a neighbor girl, and I remember we both had other names. I have wondered about this name whenever I hear it.

I was just reading a story, and someone named their chemo medicine bag Jerry.

I have worked with a few people that have had a multiple personality diagnosis. One woman said in group one day, “I like spending time with Denise as she cries with me.” I thought about that and remembered her being in a young child’s personality, sitting on the floor by me and crying.

I thought maybe she meant she could cry with me. Not that I was crying with her. Then I thought, what if I was a multiple too? It hasn’t come to pass, and I am 68, so I think it would have shown up by now. Blackouts have only happened when I was drinking, and I haven’t drank in 41 years.

I was going to graduate school for a master’s degree in counseling when the multiple thing occurred to me.

Sometime later, I got to a place where it was just okay to cry if the tears were coming. Now, I have to preface that with I didn’t do my work at the expense of my program participants, individuals, couples, or families I worked with. I found that it was okay to cry with them, about them.

I have almost always done trauma, grief, and loss work with program participants as in my experience it is needed. Others disagree. I have thought that is why there is so much revolving door for individuals as the work doesn’t get done or even get started.

When people think of grief work, most think of lots of tears. Some tears, lots if you can get to them. Many of us were told multiple times that we are big boys/girls now and don’t cry or we will get something to cry about!

Then some of us won’t give someone the satisfaction to see us in tears.

I talk about our first two medicines of tears and laughter. Tears when we are born, laughter at 3, 4, or 5 months. And I remind people of how good we feel after a good cry or good laugh. I have been told too many times to count, that some program participants are afraid if they start to cry, that they won’t be able to stop.

I have taught a few people how to stop crying after I tell them that they will run out of tears and they don’t appear to believe me.

Then I will demonstrate that we take big deep breaths when crying and laughing, and so maybe it is the deep breaths that are the medicine. Want to get rid of panic attacks or anxiety, take regular deep breaths. A couple of people have told me that none of that works.

Everything doesn’t work for everyone, but it worked for me and many, many others!

When I try getting counseling at this point in my life, the professionals have trouble with a diagnosis and tell me that I am too well adjusted for my insurance to pay for counseling. I think that is funny and yet, I must trust them. I can handle whatever is going on with my support system and not have to go to the professionals.

So, is it common to have another name without being a multiple personality? Yes, I believe so. Jerry is the tomboy part of me that liked climbing trees, riding a bike, playing ball, pool, darts, throwing knives, and now loves riding a motorcycle, 4-wheeler, camping, fishing, and golfing.

Sometimes I think it was similar to wanting to be a nun in those early years! Thankfully, I had the support I needed at the time to help me get through that.

Then I remembered, that it is possible to bring those personalities back together again. I have seen it. It takes a heavy trauma to make that divide. I am not the person to work with that kind of hurt.

I feel fortunate to have been allowed to see that in a few others and to know that they were getting help to be whole again.

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Speaking of another name. In my lifetime my English names have been Denise Claire Estey, Denise Claire Seitz, Denise Estey, Denise Estey Bond, Denise Estey, Denise Estey Lindquist.

Then after I signed up for my marriage license on hopefully my last name, my hubby to be said, "I didn't think you would change your name again!" I wouldn't have but I love him and he is old-fashioned! If I change it again, maybe I will change it to Jerry!