Use Your Eyes

I want so badly for the world to change for women in society.

We are told so many things that hurt, hinder, and harm. "To just shut up or not show up, because our words, feelings, emotions and opinions won't matter anyways"

"That we are only supposed to get amrried and have kids."

And then, when we do, we are "going to Hell."

Great... at least when I get there, the heat will work. I'm getting kind of tired of being held back, unpaid, delayed and hindered in my journey to financial freedom. As well as plain old freedom in general as well.

I am kind of at a standstill in my western novel and have a few weeks of catch up to do, though I am still working on it. But in the midst of the past month, I had an enlightening moment while my eyes were open and cued in to evidence that contradicts what most women are told about our bodies.

People assume that miscarriage is an "avara cadabra" trick just like they assume and say that if a woman was raped, and later travels while miscarrying, "everyone knows that she went away pregnant and came back without kids or pregnancy so she obviously aborted her children -- What else does a woman do after traveling after being pregnant real convenient huh?" (actual quote spoken by a man just this week.)

He also claimed "that now that my twins are dead, that they don't matter. And that since almost a year has passed, nothing that happened then or what he did then should matter. Being in court was a complete waste of time, and the judge should hear everyone else's case but ours."

When guys talk like this, it's to 1 gaslight, and 2, avoid being somewhere and being held accountable by someone who could, for what they did.

I confronted what I had once read in "educational" books and articles online, as well as heard by other people the past few years over one womens' issue: the passing of our eggs through periods. I feel like a 1960's feminist activist speaking from experience, rather than repeating what people want to hear, or keep telling us. I don't have to give out specific dates for my fertility, though i now identify as they/them. (I am physiologically a female, get cat called almost daily, and most men point out my boobs on a regular basis, mostly with their eyes and words, but occasionally finger pointing and harassing gestures. So, by body alone, physiologically, yes I am a female, though I can choose to identify as otherwise. AND NO, I am not just interested in any single dude with a Penis just because I have boobs and a vagina. I am NOT into straight dudes. So, if my coworkers come across this blog, please cut out your wishful talking and dreaming, because it's not going to happen.

Over the last month, I had a period. Like I said, the dates are not important for this article. Like me, maybe some of you have read the words, that "the egg is too small to see with the naked eye", even though 1 deposits every month with the female menses. You may have also heard that females are supposed to shave "down there" as sociwety expects them to. you know, I am here to confront some things we have been told for generations by others who just want to keep us down. We are also told there is no way to verify life inside our bodies until birth, in situations like miscarriage. In both my miscarriages, and this situation here, I have seen the fetus in its form at the time. This picture accompanying the article is the egg that passed with the monthly period. And when I miscarried, I saw, mixed in with the blood, the whites of the fetuses when I miscarried my twins. Even though I will most likely get rebuked by people for broaching these subjects, contradicting the male patriarchy for publishing what they want us to know and understand about ourselves (which is misleading, inaccurate, and next to nothing). and for speaking on -- or rather, blogging about taboo topics females shouldn't ever mention aloud (though we have to endure them and every sexist statement and action against us during it, constantly, and if we complain it gets worse), I am going to educate the rest of us out there, and provide the comfort, consolation, and proof that what we bear, have and experience, is real, visible, and can be seen and is verifiable so the rest of us women do not have to feel like everything about ourselves is always such a shameful, unseen, nondiscussable, taboo, awful goddamn mystery even Nancy Drew can't help us solve. Why feel like that, with no understanding, constant shame and hating ourselves all the time with no freedom to speak up, speak out or have proof of what we're constantly told to believe? Why? Why let the males do whatever they want without consequence, and get slapped on the back and told they are good when they rape women, have sex, or give suggestive sexual harrssment at work, and we are the oeones called slut or hoe or that we are going to hell, and then told to just believe that everything about us is shameful, needs hidden (though guys don't look us in the eye even when we do hide the skin), and let this continue on unequal grounds for centuries on end?

Be your own Nancy drew, and the next time you have a bush - and your egg gets caught in there, simply because you're homeless and only get a shower once a week at least -- or whatever the other feminists around the country and the world use as their excuse in much better circumstances and homes --you do you, boo... But please, use your eyes -- not just your ears. Know yourself for you, not just what they tell you...

And even if I'm told or accused of being crazy for stating that an egg can be seen, and refusing to believe what I was told before, the picture is there... which is evidence to the contrary. And I've heard pictures are hard to completely erase from the internet... just like the truth is still the truth, in spite of what we are told and still exists from and in our bodies anyway...

And this one is for the judge that just lets men like my rapist speak the way they do in court, then claim that they are a perfect gentleman afterwards.... look at the guy's actions and ask yourself if that lines up with his words...

You have no idea how the impact of the knowledge of confronting my situation "egg" on made me. (Get it? egg on versus head on...) Yes, there were moments of sadness of how long I had heard the opposite of what I hadexperienced, and at times believed it. there was the feeling of freedom as my knowledge widened. There were also feelings of exhaustion, and hurt, at being dragged under and held down so long and blamed for being female, and told I'm going to Hell. Over and over and over again..

There was the shame in being told that having a bush is wrong, and unhealthy, and shame filled and awful. And ugly. But it's what made it possible to learn what my egg looks like on the outside of my body. what life in its starting form starts out looking like, in spite of what women are told, what society is told, what textbooks say.

I challenge society to start viewing and treating women differently. We are paving the way for change every day, every moment, every century... and maybe getting blamed for every change we experience physically as well as the changes we make will never change. But doggonit, we are our own Nancy Drews that can solve the mystery of ourselves and our identities, as well as those inside of us - by ourselves, for ourselves, and with ourselves.

You have what it takes to find your own answers, ladies. And though this one is mostly for the ladies.... the men who may see this article will be confronted with truth, and the doctors, psychologists, and heck -- maybe even authors of those textbooks who tell us it's impossible to see the human egg in the naked eye, too. And for the LGBTQIA+ honorary sisters out there, we support you, and hopefully that can be a circle of life - rather than the vicious cycle of a circle we women experience everyday - including on the sidewalk just heading to work. Maybe for those changing genders, can see this and have hope. Maybe those seeking surgeries affirming chosen gender can see this and have hope. and maybe... we can all support each other no matter what we physiologically are, because of who we identify as.

And while I'm signing off for the day, maybe you can consider me your LGBTQIA+ version of the Nancy Drew for gender and life advice mysteries everywhere...

Amore, to my community and Au revoir till next time. for those that are still worth the fight of continuing to live in this uneven culture, and continuing to live love and fight for...