Unqualified for Life

Do you ever feel like you’re just not cut out for existing? I don’t mean depression or anything like that. Just, when looking for a job, you know, doing what is necessary to survive and exist in this world, you find that you’re simply unqualified for . . . everything. I don’t mean incapable. Unqualified.

As a creator, this is how I always feel when job hunting. It isn’t that I lack skills, I know that. But I lack what could be considered ‘real world’ skills. Sure, I can write. But I don’t write essays or journals or commercials or anything about real life. I write fantasy. It’s all fake. I’m just making it up as I go along. And when looking for jobs to help support myself until that uncertain ‘someday’ when one of my novels may or may not take off, I find that I’m just not cut out for this.

Do you ever feel like your life decisions were right, yet so wrong? Like, you love the dreams you’ve pursued but those don’t exactly get you very far practically. I didn’t go to university, for example. I have experience teaching English as a second language, but can I get a job as an ESL teacher? Nope. I don’t have ‘the paper.’ Outside of that teaching experience, I have skills in the arts, but arts don’t exactly fit in. It doesn’t matter how talented you are in music or painting. The best you can get is a part-time job that is usually filled by students in their high school years. But you already worked that job in high school, and now you want a job suitable for your adult self. Unfortunately, you don’t have an advanced degree plus 4-10 years of practical experience in any field other than the arts, but that’s not what anywhere is looking for. It’s a horrible cycle to get trapped in.

This doesn’t apply just to getting jobs. I often feel unqualified for other areas of my life as well. It’s like, I want to do something great, be someone great, or support someone great. But all I end up doing is muddling up everything and then spend my days trying just to salvage what remains. Do you ever feel that way? You screwed up in a relationship, or several, and now you feel as though you just aren’t qualified to be with another person because you can barely hold your own shit together. Or maybe you’re religious and want to do something for God, but you keep making mistakes and you just feel crushed by the weight or your own ineptitude. Or perhaps you’re someone who can turn anything to gold, but you just aren’t motivated to do anything and as a result, you feel like you’re letting everyone down.

I just want to state right now that I don’t have the answers. I don’t have a step-by-step guide on how to give your life a 360° turn. But I do know what it’s like to have someone who believes in me even when I feel like I can’t believe in myself. Get yourself at least one of those. A family member. A friend. A lover. Doesn’t matter. Whoever it is, appreciate them. Because when you feel like everything is falling apart, like your world is crumbling around you, they’re not going to stand by and tell you everything will be okay. No. They’re going to step in and start helping you rebuild, because they know that you’ve got so much more to give.

So? Do you ever feel unqualified for existence? Me too. And that’s okay. I’ll find my way. I’ll build the path I want to take. I know I can, because I’m not doing this alone.